A High Infidelity Phone

| Absecon, NJ, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(A customer of around 45 comes up to me. I am a 21-year-old girl.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I was wondering if I had enough memory on my phone for the movies I’ve downloaded, and to download more?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure. Let’s go up to the mobile consultant. He should be able to answer that.”

(I start walking to the consultant, who is on the other side of the store. The customer stops me after about a foot, and pulls out his phone.)

Customer: “You see, I have all these movies; they’re short, but I have about 150 of them. And I have 32 GB of memory. I also don’t want my wife to see them, but I don’t want a separate memory card.”

Me: “I mean, I don’t know much about phones, but that seems like it should be sufficient.”

(The customer starts scrolling through his “movies,” which are clearly adult in nature.)

Customer: “I just got a Galaxy. The movies are so clear!”

(He starts to play several porn videos, as I stand there, shocked.)

Customer: “I’m hiding them from my wife. So, 32 GB should be good?”

Me: “Uh… yeah. Seems like it…”

Perplexing Paper Positioning Possibilities

| VA, USA | Extra Stupid

(A customer comes to check out with a basket of art supplies, including a pad of drawing paper. The customer hands me the other items, but stands there holding a shopping list and the paper, looking back and forth between them and frowning.)

Me: “The paper, too?”

Customer: “Will this work?”

(The customer’s list has ’12 x 18′ written on it.)

Customer: “How do I know if this will work?”

Me: “The paper cover says ’18 x 12.'”

Customer: “But she wrote ’12 x 18!'”

Me: “… well, she didn’t specify the kind of paper or the kind of pad, just the size. This is the same size; she just wrote it a different way.”

Customer: “Oh, but, I don’t know!” *very anxious* “How can you be sure?”

(My coworker sees the confusion and comes over.)

Coworker: “Did you have a question?”

Customer: “I’m supposed to buy ’12 x 18,’ but I can only find ’18 x 12.'”

Coworker: “…uh, you should be fine. See, you can hold it two ways, so it doesn’t really matter which side the binding is on. You can always cut the drawings out. It’s the same size paper.”

Customer: “This is just so perplexing to me!”

Moments You Wish You Had A Camera For

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Retail, Office Supply Store | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

(My store sells desks and other office furniture. A customer who recently purchased a desk comes marching into the store, looking angry.)

Customer: “YOUR COMPANY IS SPYING ON ITS CUSTOMERS!”

Coworker: “What?”

Customer: “You’re spying on your customers!”

Coworker: “How do you figure?”

Customer: “I just bought a desk from you guys, and on the instructions it says there’s a ‘hidden cam’ I’m supposed to install!”

Coworker: “Sir, a cam-screw is just a type of screw. This one’s called a hidden cam because after you build everything, you won’t be able to see the screw any more.”

Customer: “No, it’s a camera! You’re trying to steal information about people, and sell it to the government!”

Coworker: “Sir, why would my company waste hundreds of thousands of dollars sneaking cameras into desks, cameras that are covered up by other pieces of the furniture and pointed at the floor?”

Customer: “Well they could be listening in on my conversations!”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be called a ‘hidden mic,’ then?”

Coworker: “And why would we go so far as to clearly label the hidden cam as a hidden cam?”

Customer: *leaves, defeated*