A lady returns her Wi-Fi printer while demanding to see a manager.
Customer: “My printer is telling me to f*** off and die!”
Manager: “There’s no way the printer has been programmed to say that.”
The customer kicks up such a fuss that we send a technician to her home to do the setup for her. He comes back very soon, laughing.
Technician: “Her neighbor’s Wi-Fi network is called ‘f***_off_and_die’.“
My manager sent me to a retail office supply store for stickers that work with a postage machine. I walked in and, after searching the store, I couldn’t find what I needed, so I went to customer service.
Me: “Can you help me? I need stickers for a [Brand] postage printing machine.”
Worker: “You need… what?”
Me: “Stickers… for postage?”
Worker: “Oh… okay, sure. Follow me.”
She led me to the aisle for staplers and staples.
Worker: “Is this what you need?”
Me: “Um…”
Worker: “This is where all of our Bostitch items are. Is this what you wanted?”
Me: “No… Sorry, I need postage.”
Worker: “Yes, this is where all our Bostitch [Bahs-stitch] — Oh, I’m sorry, I mean Bostitch [Beau-stitch] items are.” *Walks away*
Me: “Um… Thanks?”
A man walks in and just exclaims as loudly as possible:
Customer: “PAPERCLIPS, STAPLES, AND RECEIPTS!”
I walk with him to buy these three things. I start by showing him the receipts, and he starts moaning how they are way too expensive, but he picks them up anyway. The same goes for the other two items.
We get to the register, and after he exclaims that he has a discount, I ask him the name of his company and type it in, but it doesn’t come up. I try everything I can to find it but to no avail. I then ask him if he remembers how high his discount is so I can put it in manually.
Customer: “Well, I shop here almost every day, so it’s got to be 50%.”
I had never seen him here before, so he can’t shop here that much! Also, NO ONE HAS A DISCOUNT OF 50%!
Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not possible. We have government departments that shop with us, and even they don’t even get 50% off.”
Customer: *Yelling* “I get 50% off at your competitors! You’re just stupid! You have just cost your company millions of dollars in purchases!”
Me: *Bored by his rant* “You are welcome to go to our competitors to shop there.”
He stormed out without his items.
I used to work at my now-competitor store and I know that they have REALLY STRICT rules about discounts: if you’re not in the system, you get none!
Lo and behold, he came back five minutes later and bought everything from me at 10% off. I gave him my brightest smile and served him politely, all the while laughing evilly inside.
I then phoned my boss and asked her about the guy, and she told me that he only shops with us about twice a month, so she only signed him up for the 5% discount. I had the pleasure of being at work when she explained to him that she did not appreciate customers berating her employees and that he would only get a 5% from now on.
Related:
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 20
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 19
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 18
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 17
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 16
I work at an office supply store with a big copy and printing department. My boss is insistent that we speak with every customer on the floor at least once. We’ve recently had several thefts. Two days ago, I asked a man if he needed any help. He got spooked and ran out the door, setting off the security alarm. Earlier today, another customer ran out the door with a shopping cart full of stolen items.
It’s getting close to the end of my shift, and I see a teenage girl toward the back of the store browsing the shelves. I walk up to her.
Me: “Good evening, miss. Is there anything I can help you find today?”
Her eyes go wide, and she stares at me for a few seconds, like a deer caught in headlights.
Me: “Is that a no?”
She then started running toward the front of the store in a full sprint. I got on the radio and said we had a shoplifter. I watched as the girl approached the front door and… turned and ran toward our printing department instead. She sat down at one of our self-service computers and put on a pair of headphones.
Turns out, she was there with her father, who was getting a big printing order done, and she was just browsing while they waited. I never really got an explanation for her behavior, but she hadn’t stolen anything. My guess is that she had some kind of social anxiety.
I’m learning Spanish, and as such, I’m one of the designated Spanish translators at my store. I’m with a customer at the print department and need to let him know that we can’t laminate government licenses.
Me: “Lo siento, no podemos imprimir de plástico las tarjetas de…” *I’m sorry, we can’t laminate cards of…*
My mind completely blanks on the word for “car”. After stammering for a while, my brain finally settles on:
Me: “Tarjetas de… VROOM-VROOM!”
We all had a good laugh over that, though I was beating myself up for a bit for not remembering “el carro”.
