(This exchange is short, but occurred years ago while working at the front register of a local office supply retailer in the area. The way this building is set up is that you pass through two sets of doors, connected by a small hallway with glass panels so that we can see people entering/departing. I finish ringing up a young woman and her son, who has remained very quiet throughout the entire purchasing exchange. Then this happens.)

Me: “Thank you for your business. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Thanks. Let’s go, [Son].”

(The two make their way out; I happen to glance at them as they are walking away and notice the boy keeping his hands tucked behind his back. He is holding a small computer game disc out of view. At first I didn’t see it as theft; I couldn’t remember if I had rang it up. Regardless, I stepped over and before they got halfway through:)

Me: “Sorry, miss, did you want me to bag his game as well?”

Customer: “Wha-? Game?”

(She then turns and sees what her son is holding, becoming pale and suddenly frantic. She snatches up the game and the boy’s hand, charging back into the store telling me how sorry she is and that she is making him take it back right away. I just stand there sort of in awe.)

Her: “Wait until your father gets home!”

Son: *says nothing, hanging his head, walking sulkily out the door behind his mother*

Me: “Ah, well, then…” *under my breath* “…good luck, kid.”

(Every week, we have coupons such as 25% off or a certain dollar price off of a product. You have to choose only one coupon as it states in the small text, but one customer always comes in and refuses to accept it. We have a deal on Sharpies reduced to $2.00. You either get $1.50 off or 25%. She brings all the sharpies we have stocked.)

Me: “Will that be all for you?”

Customer: “Yes.” *hands me about 20 coupons for $1.50 off and 25% off*

Me: “Ma’am, you must choose one coupon to use and only one coupon per transaction.”

Customer: “The coupon doesn’t say that.”

Me: “Yes. If you read here it says only one coupon per person per transaction and it’s not valid with any other offer. You can only get $1.50 off one or you can take 25% off your entire purchase.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll only take one, then!”

(We have to take all the sharpies back. She comes in the next week with a price match of Crayola markers for $0.97 and a $1.00 off coupon. She again, has every box we have in stock.)

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot give you $1.00 off an item that is $0.97. I can ring them all up for $0.97 or I can take $1.00 of one of the boxes.”

Customer: “Why? Let me see your manager.”

(My manager comes and explains the coupon to her and tells her it states in the small print, one coupon per person per transaction.)

Customer: “Can’t I just do separate transactions?”

Manager: “No.”

Customer: “I’ll take one, then!”

(After she left I asked my manager if we could just ban her.)

(I have sent an email to a sales rep asking for more information before I can set up a user to the website. The first message asks for the following: First Name, Last Name, Email, and if the customer should be invoiced. The following is a two-day email thread that continues after the initial message.)

Sales Rep: “Is it done yet?”

Me: “No. You still need to fill in the information I have requested. I can’t create a login until I have the info.”

Sales Rep: “My customer wants to place an order. Are you done?”

Me: “I need the customer’s First Name, Last Name, Email Address, and if the customer wants to be invoiced.”

Sales Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay… Yes, what? That did not answer any of the questions. Let me call you and ask for the info.”

(I call and leave voicemails on the rep’s office line and personal cell phone. She never calls me back, so this continues to the next email.)

Me: “You did not answer your phone, so I am emailing again. I need the customer’s First Name, Last Name, Email Address, and if we need to invoice the customer.”

Sales Rep: “Yes. Do that.”

Me: *sadly realizing that I have to spell it out* “What is the customer’s first name?”

Sales Rep: “Jeremy.”

Me: “Okay. What is his last name?”

Sales Rep: “[Last Name].”

Me: “Great. Now, what is his email address?”

Sales Rep: “It is [Email Address].”

Me: “All right! One more question. Does the customer want to be invoiced?”

Sales Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “I can set up the account now. Here is the login information…”

Sales Rep: “About time! Why did you take so long?”

(Per company policy, if a customer wants to pay with a card they need to have it with them. We can’t authorize them over the phone unless it is a credit card issued by our company. There are occasional exceptions, but really only for regulars. We are also always supposed to check an id. A woman came in to buy a bunch of supplies for her office. As she’s at the register to pay. She pulls out a piece of paper.)

Customer: “I’d like to pay with this.”

(The paper she pulls out is a photocopy of a company credit card.)

Cashier: “Uhm… we can’t take this.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Cashier: “Because we need the physical card.”

Customer: “Get a manager!”

Manager: “Can I see an id?”

Customer: “Why? My name won’t match. It’s a company card.”

Manager: “Then, I’m sorry but we can’t accept it. I really shouldn’t do it, even if the names did match. It’s against policy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! How can you not take it!? Why do you even need to see my ID?”

Manager: “Ma’am, there is way too much risk for identity fraud. I have no way of knowing that’s your card, or company. Anyone could have taken that card and made a copy, or found the copy lying around somewhere.”

Customer: “Are you accusing me of stealing this card information!?”

Manager: “Of course not! But wouldn’t you rather have stores check ids and only accept physical cards if yours was the one that was stolen?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! It’s our company card! And accusing me of stealing?! I’m never shopping here again! You’re losing so much business!”

Manager: “Well, it’s better than getting in trouble for a fraudulent charge. Sorry we couldn’t help you.”

(The customer stormed out in a huff.)

(I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

(I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

(She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

(She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)