(I am a cashier at my store. I come in for my shift to relieve my coworker who is helping a customer trying to find the right ink cartridge and exchange it with the one on the counter. I am there for most of their conversation.)

Customer: “I need another black. This one doesn’t fit.”

Coworker: “I see. It’s a 564 and that kind of ink can belong to printers with five cartridges or four. If this black doesn’t fit you probably need the photo—”

Customer: “No, no! I need black! Not that one.”

Coworker: “This is a black. It’s the fifth cartridge in the printer. Photo black; it’s different than the one you brought in.”

Customer: “I’m not going to sit here and argue with you when you’re wrong.”

(With that she storms out of the store only for her husband to return about twenty minutes later after my coworker has left for the day.)

Customer’s Husband: *placing the same cartridge the woman had brought on the counter* “My wife said someone told her this was the right cartridge, and it’s not. We need this one.”

(He placed an empty photo black cartridge on the counter, the same kind of cartridge my coworker had been trying to help the woman find earlier.)

Me: *biting my tongue from telling him the truth* “All right, let’s get that exchanged out for you.”

Customer’s Husband: “You should really know your products better.”

Me: “We do our best. It is a very big store, sir.”

Customer’s Husband: “Clearly not hard enough.”

(And with that he left. I sure hope he felt like he’d won, because his wife certainly didn’t get to feel that way.)

(Working as a cashier for four years has taught me a great deal of patience, but one particular woman always tries to cause a huff when she comes into the store. Today, however, we are short staffed. I am at my register and can not leave the front end, my manager is unloading the truck by himself in the back of the store, and we have one person working in the print department, who also can not leave her station, leaving no one working on the floor. It’s beginning to pick up and I notice the offending woman entering the store. From my register I see her quickly pace up and down the front of the store a couple times looking increasingly irate. She turns around to look at me.)

Customer: *suddenly yelling* “Isn’t there anyone working on the FLOOR?”

Me: *having to speak much louder than normal due to the distance between us* “My apologies, ma’am. We are a bit short staffed at the moment, but I will see if someone is available.”

(At this point the customer forcefully sighs and throws her arms in the air but stays where she is. I radio to my manager that the customer needed assistance ASAP. Before I can even finish speaking over the radio she starts up again.)

Customer: *yelling to no one in particular* “I can’t believe there’s no one working on the FLOOR!”

(I radio again to my manager, sounding a bit more desperate to have this lady out of my hair, and try to explain the situation. Eventually my manager comes out from the back and walks right up to the customer.)

Manager: *very calmly and with a smile* “My apologies for the wait, ma’am. I have lots of other customers who think they are the most important thing in the world, too.”

(The customer and I kind of looked at him in shock. She mumbled to him the item she wanted and I rang up the transaction trying very hard not to laugh. She left without another word.)

Customer: “Where’s your skidders at?

Me: “I’m sorry, the what?”

Customer: “Skidders. Skid. Ers. Where they at? I can’t find ’em anywhere.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can tell you where just about anything in this store is, but I’m not sure I’m familiar with skidders. What are they used for? What do they look like?”

Customer: “Ugh. SKIDDERS! God, you’re dumb.”

Me: “No, I’m not. We just don’t carry skidders here. Sorry.”

Customer: *making a scissoring motion with his fingers* “Skidders! Where. Are. Your. Skidders. You cut paper with ’em. Jesus!”

Me: “Oh, you mean SCISSORS? They’re actually right here. Right in front of you. This whole eight-foot section is nothing but scissors.”

Customer: “Well, I call ’em skidders. God, you’re dumb.”

(How am I supposed to know what you want when you make up your own words for things and can’t see what’s right in front of you?)

(I’m a computer nerd and my friend is… not. She needs to buy a new computer and has asked me to come along to make sure she gets the right one. An employee comes over when he sees us looking at the display models.)

Employee: “Good morning, ladies. Can I help you find something?”

Friend: “I need a new computer.”

Employee: “I’m sure we can help you with that. What kind of stuff do you plan to do?”

Friend: “Uh, just Facebook and YouTube and stuff.”

Employee: “Sure, I’ve got just the one for you.”

(He takes us to the next aisle where he shows us a computer that is better suited for gaming or programming and is about $400 more expensive than the one we’d been looking at when he came over.)

Friend: “This is a little too expensive for me. Do you have anything cheaper?”

Employee: “Oh, that’s no problem. We have an excellent financing options. I’m sure you can afford $20 a month.”

Friend: “[My Name], what do you think?”

Me: *to Employee* “Do you get paid on commission?”

Employee: “Partially, why?”

Me: “Because you’re trying to upsell her something she doesn’t need or want. [Friend], the one we were looking at earlier makes more sense for you.”

(She ended up buying the cheaper computer and we told the employee we didn’t need his help so he probably lost his commission.)

(I want to start off by saying that it doesn’t bother me whatsoever if people don’t donate to charities. We have to ask because it’s part of our job, but I’m not offended when people say no, and I of course don’t judge them. I just thought this particular transaction was pretty funny.)

Me: “And would you like to donate to [Local Charity] today?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I don’t have enough money.”

Me: “Okay. So that’ll be [price].”

Customer: *looking at a $7 item* “Oh, what are these?!”

Me: “Oh, they’re just little gimmicky toys. They just say the store’s slogan when you press them, but they don’t do anything else.”

Customer: “Ha! That’s hilarious. I’ll buy one of those, too.”