(I work in a print department inside an office supply store. I am working the closing shift when I have a large family come up to my counter.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “How much are business cards?”

(I ask what he does and explain what kind of cards we offer. As I’m speaking with him, I glance down to see he is holding a live chicken.)

Me: “Oh! You have a chicken!”

Customer: *narrows his eyes at me* “It’s a rooster.”

(He promptly turns with his entire family and leaves the store.)

Me: *on the radio* “Um, I just had a business card customer who brought a live chicken into the store.”

Coworkers: “No way!“

(Discussion ensued about what kind of person brings a chicken into ANY store. All I can say is I know have one of the best crazy customer stories!)

(It’s about an hour until closing time on Friday evening and a group of six teenagers come into the store. They eventually make their way back to where office furniture is displayed and sit down in several of our chairs. I am on my way back to take care of trash in the restrooms when I hear their conversation veering to the topic of, shall we say, male endowment.)

Teenager: “I don’t know; six inches seems pretty big to me.”

(I walk past carrying a cartful of full trash bags.)

Teenager: “Excuse me; where are the rulers?”

Me: “Uh… office basics, but if you’re planning on using it for that, I’d ask that you buy it and wait until you get home.”

(The group starts laughing, obviously not prepared for me to have overheard them.)

Teenager: “Oh, no, I just wanted to show them something on it.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(Minutes later, after I’ve relayed the story to my coworkers.)

Me: “He’s so lucky I didn’t direct him to where the mini-rulers are!”

(I’m working in the technology department of our store one evening when a guy comes in and starts browsing the hard drives.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a hard drive.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I explain about the different sizes and uses for backup or file transport. The customer looks at me with red, bloodshot eyes and nods slowly.)

Customer: “I don’t want one with maggots in it, though.”

Me: “Um. Pardon me?”

Customer: “The maggots. That live inside the middle of the hard drive. I don’t want them.”

Me: “Do you mean the magnets inside?”

Customer: “No, the maggots. They live inside the middle of the hard drive. My friend told me about the maggots that live in there.”

(This conversation continued on for several minutes until I politely excused myself and left him to browse. My tech supervisor laughed for a good ten minutes when I told him later.)

(I work in the tech department of an office supply store. An older woman has just bought a laptop from me, and I’m showing her the basics.)

Lady: *as I’m plugging in the power cord* “What is that?”

Me: “It is the power cord.”

Lady: “What does that do?”

(I work in an office supply store.)

Me: “Hi. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I need to return this phone.” *holds up a box and a receipt*

Me: “As far as I know, we don’t sell phones here. Are you sure you didn’t mean to take this to [Phone Store in the same shopping center as us]?”

Customer: “No! Isn’t this [address]?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but all of the stores in this center have the same address, just different suite numbers—”

Customer: “See?! This is the address on the receipt; this is where the phone came from!”

Me: *looks at the receipt* “Yes. It says [Phone Store] at the top here, and you can see the shop from here; look.” *points out the window; you can see the sign from where we’re standing*

Customer: *stares out the window* “But it says this is the address!”

Me: “I know, ma’am, but it came from [Phone Store]. You can return it there.”

Customer: “But this is the address!”

(She wandered out the door after that.)