Wish You Could Ban(ner) Some Customers

, , , , | | Right | August 11, 2019

(This happens between a coworker and a customer; I just happen to overhear. We work in the copy department, and it has been exceptionally busy for at least a week. The customer wants a banner printed.)

Customer: “When would it be ready?”

Coworker: “Not until tomorrow afternoon, around four or five, at the earliest.”

Customer: “Why is it going to take that long?!”

Coworker: “Well, we have all of these orders to get through first before we could even start it.”

Customer: “I don’t want excuses! I’ve come here for the last three or four days, and the same thing! Stop giving me excuses! That’s unprofessional!”

Coworker: “Well, sir, you asked why it would take so long, and I’m being honest. There’s a lot of orders and [My Name] is just beginning training, so she can’t do most of them. And I helped you for 45 minutes the other day.”

(And he ended up getting nothing done.)

Customer: “Just stop giving excuses! Customers don’t want to hear excuses! Why can’t you just get it done now?!”

(I just don’t understand, as he had been in literally every day for a week for different things, why he didn’t just order the banner one of the previous three or four days.)

A Surge Of Stupidity

, , , , | | Right | July 29, 2019

(A customer asks me if we sell circuit breakers. I don’t think we do, but I work in a different department, so I ask a coworker to be sure.)

Me: “Hey, we don’t sell circuit breakers, right?”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: *to customer* “No, sorry, we don’t. [Store next to us] might.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I found them.”

Me: “Sir… those aren’t circuit breakers.”

Customer: “Yes, they are!”

Me: “Those are surge protectors…”

Customer: “Oh, that’s just what I call them.”

Me: “Okay…”

Ready To Giga-Bite Your Head Off

, , , , | Right | April 16, 2019

Customer: “I need the cheapest flash drive you have.”

Me: “Okay. If you follow me, I’ll show you what we have. There a few on sale right now. How big do you need it to be?”

Customer: “The cheapest one.”

Me: “Yes, but how much space do you need for files? The price—“

Customer: “You’re not listening. The cheapest one.”

(With our flash drives, there’s the least expensive, and there’s the best value per gigabyte, so I’m not just bugging him; the best deal depends on how many files he has. But he seems to be losing his temper, so I give up.)

Me: “Well, I think the cheapest is [Brand]. It’s $12.75, and it’s 16GB.”

Customer: *irritably* “Well, I have 25 files to save and they’re 5GB each. I need the cheapest flash drive.”

Me: “Okay, so, you’ll just do multiple transfers.”

Customer: “WHAT?”

Me: “Put some files on the drive, save them to the new computer, clear the flash drive, and repeat.”

Customer: “NO. I need to do it in one try!”


Me: “So, we have a sale on this 120GB drive for $45…”

Customer: “You said it was $12.75! I need to save all my files on it!”

(I left him angrily muttering to himself about how he needed the cheapest drive, which was supposed to hold 100GB of files, but cost the same as a 12GB drive.)

Taking Stock Of Ridiculous Requests

, , , | Right | April 1, 2019

(A customer comes up to me asking if we carry a particular item.)

Me: “I know for sure that we do. Were you having trouble finding it?”

Customer: “No, I found it, but it says it’s out of stock.”

Me: “Okay, let me grab the tag so I can look up the SKU and see when we have more coming in.” *does that* “So, it looks like we’re expected to get more in next week, but that’s not guaranteed. When do you need it for?”

Customer: “Yesterday.”

Me: *fake laughing a bit* “Okay. So, would you like me to see if any other stores have any? I can get them to put it on hold for you.”

Customer: “No, I’m not driving out of town for it.”

Me: “Okay, then the next fastest way to get it is to order it online. We have a way to do that in store if you like.”

Customer: “No, I need it today.”

Me: “Okay, well, we don’t have any, unfortunately. So, if you need it today, I can have one put aside for you in [Nearby Town], or you could check [Major Retailer]?”

Customer: “No, I’m not going to [Major Retailer]. I need it now.”

Me: “Okay. I’m not sure what you would like me to do. We don’t have any.”

Customer: “I want you to have it in stock!”

Me: “I understand that, but we don’t.”

Customer: “Yeah, and that’s pretty ridiculous, isn’t it? You don’t even carry this popular item.”

Me: “We do carry it. We’ve just sold out of them. Because other people bought them… because they’re popular.”

Customer: “You’d think you guys would be more on top of your game, then! You should be ordering things way sooner than you are if you know how popular they are!”

Me: “We actually don’t do any ordering ourselves; it’s all automated. When stock gets to a certain number, a new order gets put in on its own.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Customers Cooperating Over Carbon And Copies? Cool!

, , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(I’m at work one day when a gentleman comes up to me and asks where he can find carbon paper. For an item that gets purchased or inquired about relatively often, the company provides us only with one option: a hundred sheets for about $22.)

Customer #1: “Geez, that’s awfully expensive. I only need a few sheets; do you have anything smaller?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t. We may have something online, but as for in the store, this is it.”

Customer #1: “I better call my wife and see what she wants to do.”

Me: “Okay, let me know if you need anything. I’ll be right over at the copy center.”

(I walk away to let him figure out what he wants to do, and I head over to the copy center to help them out. A few minutes later, another man approaches me and asks if we have any carbon paper. I lead him over to where the first customer is still staring at the paper and holding his phone.)

Customer #2: “It’s that expensive? Wow… Do you have a different quantity? I only need a few sheets!”

Customer #1: *before I could answer* “I know! I’m in the same boat!”

Customer #2: “Well, how many sheets do you need?”

Customer #1: “Maybe about ten.”

Customer #2: “I only need about five… Do you want to split the cost and the paper?”

Customer #1: “That’s a great idea!”

(The two customers headed up to the front with their joint purchase, split the pack in half after they paid, and went on their merry ways. Excellent timing for both of them, I guess!)

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