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Dealt With It Single-Handedly

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am a receptionist at a busy insurance brokerage in downtown Vancouver. For the previous three years, I’d get a random obscene phone call in February. It seemed to me that someone was going alphabetically through a phone book and dialing random businesses, and February was when he got to me. It was getting annoying. One day I answer the phone:)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Insurance Broker]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Guess what I’m holding in my hand?”

Me: “If you only need one hand I’m not interested.”

Caller: “…” *click*

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Arrested For J-Writing

, | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Popular

Me: “All right, sir. If I could have your first and last name for the receipt?”

Customer: “Fred [Last Name].”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know how to spell that. Could you please spell it out for me?”

Customer: “J, E—”

Me: *writes JE*

Customer: “No, ‘J.'”

Me: *looks at receipt*

Customer: “No! It’s a ‘J!'”

Me: “Umm… This is a ‘J,’ sir.”

Customer: “No, you stupid girl. ‘J’ as in green!”

Me: *sighs* “Oh, you meant a ‘G.'” *finishes writing the receipt*

Customer: “You shouldn’t work here if you don’t know the alphabet.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

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Convenience Is Not On The Cards

| USA | Money, Technology

(I take payments from our customers. The following situation happens on a regular basis.)

Customer: *by email* “Please charge my invoice to my credit card on file.”

Me: *after trying the card, and it is declined* “Your credit card ending in 1234 was declined. If you would like to use another card, please call me with the number.”

Customer: “Oh, that card was compromised/had fraudulent charges on it, so I had to get a new one. The new card number is—” *gives entire card number, expiration date, security code, and billing address*

Me: *after deleting the credit card number* “Thank you for your new credit card number. In the future, please call me if you have a new credit card.”

Customer: “Why? Emailing it is so much faster.”

Me: *facepalm*

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