Should Have Been Monitoring The Situation More Closely

| Germany | Bizarre, Technology

(We’re a small IT service provider. While we have no hardware in store, we write down customer orders and place an order once enough has accumulated.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hello, this is [Customer]. I need a new monitor.”

Me: “No problem. Any specific requests?”

Customer: “I need it to replace my secondary monitor. That’s still a narrow one.”

Me: *knowing the customer actually has a 16:9 and a 4:3 monitor at his computer, he once said he’ll use the latter until it breaks* “All right. So the old one is finally broken?”

Customer: “No, it works fine. But I need a wider one. The narrow one became too small and no longer shows all the symbols on my desktop. Or… can I plug in a third monitor? That would give me even more room.”

They’re Talking Gumbo-Jumbo

| SC, USA | Bizarre, Tourists/Travel

Caller: “Hello, I am a travel planner looking for some information for a client of mine and I was wondering if you could help me.”

Me: “I certainly can. What information do you need?”

Caller: “Do you know where they might hold Mardi Gras celebrations?”

(This throws me off a bit, as Mardi Gras isn’t a big thing around here at all, and anyway it had already happened the week before.)

Me: “I don’t see anything on our events calendar. Since Mardi Gras already happened I don’t think we’d see any events until next year, and our members don’t usually plan them so far ahead.”

Caller: *confused, but still pleasant* “All right. Also… do you know of any Cajun churches?”

Me: “Er… we don’t have a huge Cajun culture around here. We do have a significant Gullah Geechee community, but they don’t really have churches that are open to visitors.”

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Caller: “Did I call [My City]?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “I meant to call New Orleans. I am so sorry.”

(We had a good laugh and I was able to give her some information about the city I actually work for. Still one of the best calls I’ve ever gotten.)

Too Tight For An Extra Night

| Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Time

(I run a dog-walking and pet care business and as part of this, offer a live-in pet sit service where I stay in customer’s houses whilst they’re away. One of my regular dog walking customers is texting me asking about the live-in service.)

Customer: “Hi, [My Name]. Are you available to pet sit from the 7th-11th November and how much would that be, please?”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m fine to do those dates for you. Pet sits are £30 per day or part of, so it’ll be £150 in total for the five days. The price includes one walk a day but if you’d like any extra walks I’m happy to do these and they’re charged at the normal daily rate.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s fine, thanks. Can you arrive about 9 am on the Monday and leave at 5 pm on the Saturday, please? I’ll transfer the £150 to you tonight.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. Could you just confirm the dates for me, as in your first text you asked me to do the 7th-11th but in your last text you asked me to stay until the Saturday which is the 12th. I’m fine to stay until the 12th if you need me to but it’ll count as another day so the cost will be £180 in total.”

Customer: “No, we want you to do the Monday to Friday, including the Friday night. So the 7th-11th, which you said was £150.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. If you want me to stay the Friday night as well, then this counts as me staying on the Saturday, which is an extra day, so it will be £180. Pet-sits are charged per day or part of so this would be six days in total.”

Customer: “I just want you to stay until the Friday but do Friday night as well. How is that an extra day?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Customer]. I’m not sure how much clearer I can make it. If a customer asks me to stay until a certain day then that is the day I would expect to leave the pet sit so if you ask me to do until Friday then that is the day I’d be leaving. If you want me to do Friday night as well then you’re asking me to stay Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at your house, which is six days in total. Six days at £30 a day comes to a total of £180.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why that counts as six days. And he’d only get one walk? He normally gets walked three times a day so it seems very unfair on him!”

Me: “As I said in my earlier text I’m more than happy to do extra walks for you but these would be charged at the normal daily rates which would depend on how long a walk you’d like.”

Customer: “That just seems extortionate. I guess he’ll just have to make do with one walk a day that week I guess. I might find out how much [Company #1] or [Company #2] charges for live in jobs then, as I still don’t understand why you’re charging me for six days when I only want you to stay until the Friday.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m sorry if my prices seem unfair but that’s how much it’ll be. I know that [Company #1] charges £35 per day or part of so would be £210 for the six days. [Company #2] charges per night rather than per day but they charge £40 per night so it would be £200 for the five nights. Both companies also only include one walk per day in their prices. If you prefer to have more walks, then [Company #3] offers an unlimited pet sit service where they won’t leave your dog alone at all for the duration of the pet sit and will walk your dog as much as you like. However, they charge £100 per day so they would charge £600 for the six days. It’s your choice, though, so let me know if you’d like me to book you in or not.”

Customer: “That’s just ridiculous. Don’t worry about the pet sit, then; we’ll cancel the holiday. Just do the normal walks for [Dog] that week, please.”

(I later found out that they had to pay cancellation fees as they’d already booked the flights and hotel for that week before contacting me. They also still paid me to go in and walk their dog every day the week they should have been away which cost them £50 as normal. All this to avoid paying an extra £30 for one more night’s pet sit!)

The Card With The Lifetime Guarantee

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers

(A customer has called in to update their credit card.)

Me: “All right, and the expiration on the card?”

Customer: “2022. Wow! That’s a long ways off! I’m turning 84 this week, and I think I’ll expire before this card!”

Should Have Been More Emily Blunt

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

(I work in an area with a lot of retired folks, many of which have age-related hearing loss. This is usually more amusing than annoying, especially when it comes to giving my name.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is Emily. How may I help you?”

Customers: “Did you say Beverly/Stephanie/Ginger/Jessica/Elaine?”

Me: “Yes.”

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