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Rabid Laughter

| Madison, WI, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Popular

(Our dentist’s last name sounds exactly like our veterinarian’s first name. There is a slight difference in spelling, but they sound identical: Name and Nayme. I am at work, multi-tasking, when my spouse emails to remind me to make an appointment with Dr. Name, the vet, for our cat’s rabies shot. In the middle of six different tasks with several deadlines looming, I grab the Rolodex, flipped to the “N” section, and dial the number.)

Receptionist: “Dr. Nayme’s office, how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] and I need an appointment to bring Colonel Snuggledorf in for his rabies shot.”

Receptionist: “I am very sorry, but Dr. Nayme doesn’t administer rabies shots. And I do not believe we have a patient by the name of Colonel Snuggledorf.”

(I suspect the poor woman dislocated a rib laughing after she hung up. And my dentist makes a point of telling me every time I visit that he still doesn’t give rabies shots!)

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Failed A Number Of Times

| Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(My office phone number is the inverse of a shelter, so we get wrong numbers all the time.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Office]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Hi, I need to talk to [Shelter Manager].”

Me: “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number. Their number is 1122. Ours is 2211.”

Client: “Is it? Oh, I’m sorry. Thank you!” *hangs up*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Office]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Hi, I need to talk to [Shelter Manager].”

Me: “Hi again! I’m sorry, but you still have the wrong number. Their number is 1122.”

Client: “What? Oh, geez, I called 2211 again! Sorry!” *hangs up*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Office]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Not you again!”

Me: “Yup, me again.”

Client: “Sorry, SORRY!” *hangs up*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: *skipping my normal intro* “Hi, let me guess, still trying for [Shelter Manager] at 1122?”

Client: “SON OF A—” *click*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Hi again!”

Client: *loud string of expletives followed by a phone slam*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Hi once again!”

Client: *loud ARGH followed by a few seconds of silence* “Can you… please… repeat that number to me… PLEASE?”

Me: “Sure, it’s 1122!”

Client: “Thank you… I am so… SO sorry.” *hangs up*

(I think they got it that time!)

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Trauma-Free Cleaning

| UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work in an office that handles cleaning and we generally get snobby younger ladies as clients that just like to complain. I answer the phone:)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Your lady traumatized my dog. I want a refund!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. What did you say?”

Customer: “Your cleaning gal traumatized my dog and has made her suffer all day. I want my money back!”

Me: *at this point I’m concerned about the dog since it is a newer girl I don’t know* “I’m sorry, but I need to ask what she was doing to traumatize your dog. Did she hurt it? Should I make a report?”

Customer: “No. She dropped my precious baby-dog’s toy in the toilet after she cleaned it, and my poor baby was in the bathroom crying to get it back. She is traumatized!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, are you sure that the dog didn’t put it in the toilet itself while trying to get a drink?”

Customer: “She is a PRIZED POMERANIAN! She wouldn’t ever dream of drinking out of the toilet! Now, I demand my refund! I have to make her an appointment with the therapist!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I cannot issue a refund because your dog dropped its toy in the toilet. However if the cleaning was unacceptable, I can come out and—”

Customer: “No, the cleaning was fine. I demand my refund within 24 hours, and I will be calling the Better Business Bureau about your ‘business’!” *click*

(My boss laughed for a solid five minutes before she could even say anything.)

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