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Pest Control And Out Of Control

| FL, USA | Bizarre

(I’m work in the office for a pest control company. Part of my job is to answer phones to schedule or reschedule services for customers. Around four pm every day, our automated system calls customer to remind them of upcoming services dates, so we are inevitably flooded with return calls from people who don’t listen to their messages. Most of the calls are pretty routine, but this one broke the mold in a big way.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You just called me!”

Me: “That was likely our automated system confirming your next service. Could I have your address to look up your account?”

Customer: “What?! You’re going to have to speak up! It’s loud in the ambulance!”

Me: “Pardon…?”

Customer: “My husband’s on the way to [Local Hospital]! You need to speak up!”

Me: *speaking loudly and quickly, as this is the last response I was expecting* “We were calling to confirm your next service! It’s exterior-only, so you don’t have to be home! Have a nice day, ma’am!”

(I hung up quickly and just stared at my phone in stunned silence as to why someone would prioritize calling back their pest control company over making sure their husband was okay!)

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The Biggest Pest Isn’t The Wasp

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I use to work as an admin for a pest company. The techs make their own schedules with monthly visits to customers and fit in people that have called for re-treatments. Usually when people call in asking for an extra service I can get them to wait a day or two to help the techs.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a wasp in my screen porch!”

Me: “Oh, dear! Well, to help your tech, do you know where the nest might be in your porch?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. Have you seen them flying in a certain direction?”

Customer: “No. It’s just one that got inside. Can you just send the tech now to kill it!”

Me: “Wait, you want me to have the tech go off route now to kill one wasp?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Have you seen a lot of activity outside?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Let me see what I can do.”

(I put her on hold and tap my fingers for a few moments and have a snack. It’s our busy season and that route is our largest and busiest with only one tech near it. I wasn’t about to call him for one wasp.)

Me: “Thanks for holding. I called the tech and he won’t be able to fit you in today. I could put in a request for tomorrow.”

Customer: “What?! I pay you guys good money to take care of pests! What am I supposed to do about this wasp?”

Me: “Hit it with a rolled up magazine.”

Customer: “What?! How dare you! I want my tech to call me!”

Me: “I can do that. Have a nice day.”

(I send a message for the tech to call her. Two hours later he ran in for supplies.)

Tech: “What the h*** was that all about?! She wanted me to go kill one wasp!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I told her to hit it with a magazine.”

Tech: “So did I! I’m not going 20 minutes off route to spray one wasp! I’m lucky I found the time to pick up more chemicals!”

(Seriously, yeah, you are paying us, but so are tons of other people. Grow up and slap it with a newspaper. Sadly, that was not the first or last call I got like that. One involved a dead hamster under the stove. Another was a frog… in their yard.)

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Having Some English Patience

| FL, USA | Geography

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, you have an accent!”

Me: “I certainly do. Now, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I am from England; what is it I can help you with?”

Customer: “Oh, England. Is that part of London? Because you sound like them.”

Me: “Well, London is the capital of England. London is just a city in England which is a country. I’m also from the north of England and have never been compared to somebody from London before when talking about my accent.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, well, I need an invoice for week… You know what? I already have it, sorry.”

Me: “Okay, well, if you have any more concerns don’t hesitate to contact me.”

Customer: “Oh, I will; I love London.”

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You Shall Not Pass

| OR, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I work in an office on my college’s campus. Among other things, we handle transit passes for students and staff. The student pass is a sticker that cannot be refunded unless under very specific circumstances, which are rules we don’t set. This happens on the phone with someone who is clearly faking an accent, since I’ve dealt with her in person before.)

Customer: “I need to return my pass. I didn’t know what it was and was charged too much for it.”

Me: “Ma’am, we quit selling those passes over two months ago. At this point, they’re actually expired. Why didn’t you contact us before now?”

Customer: “I didn’t know I would be charged. No one told me.”

Me: “I find that really unlikely. We train our staff quite well and they would have told you. Plus, we had you sign a form after reading the terms.”

Customer: “I signed nothing! I can’t read English!”

Me: “You should have told us that. We keep the literature in over 20 languages for your convenience. And why did you sign something you knew nothing about?”

Customer: “I didn’t sign anything!”

Me: “Then you wouldn’t have the pass. We require a signature for all passes.”

Customer: “Your employees are incompetent! I want my money back!”

Me: “I find it hard to believe that the person who sold you this wasn’t doing their job right. I know for a fact they’re quite good at it.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because it was the head of our department who’s been working here for over 20 years.”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Net-Twerk Support

| MS, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I call a customer because I have to remote into their computer to check on something. He is an older man I had talked to before and was always very nice. When I get on his computer, I notice a tab still open from YouTube called “how to twerk.” I act like I don’t notice it but he immediately closes it out and says:)

Customer: “Hey, it’s harder than it looks!”

(Not the explanation I was expecting.)

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