Unfiltered Story #144573

, , , | Unfiltered | March 20, 2019

I work in the garden center at a grocery store. As I’m helping a gentleman find some plants we have this exchange:
Customer: do you have any cucumbers?
Me: yup they’re just on that rack over there
Customer: woah you have a lot of different kinds!
Me: uh ya! Is there a specific kind you’re looking for?
Customer: No not really. Woah!! You can grow pickles?!?!
Me: uh no sir… They’re the type of cucumber that you use to make pickles…
Customer: oh.. Right.

(I’ve never had to resist the urge to laugh so hard. This man must have been 40 and I recognized him usually coming in with his mother)

Perfect For Some Quantum Coffee

, , , , , , | Related | January 4, 2019

(It’s my first year living in a college residence. My mom is over, and I’m packing some stuff to take back home for the holidays. Among them is a mug, a replica of one that appears in a webcomic I am a big fan of. In the comic, the mug is seemingly indestructible.)

Mom: “You’re taking your mug?”

Me: “Of course! It’s the Captain’s Mug!”

Mom: “But you know you have a lot of mugs at home, right?”

Me: “IT’S THE CAPTAIN’S MUG.”

Mom: “Okay, I’m just worried that it’ll break on the–“

Me: “Captain’s Mug is indestructible! It can survive a black hole!”

Mom: “I’d like to wrap it in some–“

Me: “IT CAN SURVIVE A SINGULARITY!”

Conversation So Weird You Could Just Die

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | December 25, 2018

(I’m sitting in a common area near the learning commons, and I end up overhearing parts of a conversation between two girls and a boy.)

Girl #1: *just arriving* “I feel better now. My migraine’s gone.”

Girl #2: “Yay!”

Boy: “Did you do the test?”

Girl #1: “No, I went home and died. It was super effective!”

(Later on, they start talking about babies and families.)

Girl #1: “My parents thought they couldn’t have children, so they adopted me. A year later, my brothers were born!”

(Later:)

Girl #2: “My mom didn’t go into labour with me; I was in fetal distress…” *blah blah* “…so if Mom had given birth to me naturally, I would’ve strangled myself on my umbilical cord!” *blah blah* “…and they had to cut my head open!”

Don’t Even Think About It

, , , , , , | Learning | November 29, 2018

(I am taking an Abnormal Psychology course. Our professor is discussing delusions of grandeur.)

Professor: “There was a man who said he could turn his fridge on and off, just by thinking about it.”

(The class chuckles. When the professor starts speaking again, his microphone has shut off.)

Professor: “It sounds odd, and we snicker, but it makes you wonder—” *pauses, looks down at his microphone*

(Everyone laughs.)

Student: “I did that!”

New Addition To The Millennium Trilogy: The Girl With The Twitter Account

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 7, 2018

(It’s Halloween night. I live in college residence, so a lot of people are trick-or-treating with their neighbours, and milling around to check out each other’s costumes and decorations. I bump into one of my roommate’s friends. She’s dressed a bit punk or goth, but not as a costume.)

Roommate’s Friend: *joking* “I’m dressed as a serial killer.”

Me: *looking at her outfit* “No, you’re dressed as Lisbeth Salander!”

(Lisbeth Salander is the protagonist of the Millennium trilogy, most famously “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”)

Roommate’s Friend: “Yeah! Wait… How did you… Have you been stalking my Twitter?”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Roommate’s Friend: “Then… How did you know I… said that I…”

Me: “I didn’t…”

Roommate’s Friend: “Then how did you know I look like Lisbeth Salander?”

Me: “Because I’ve read the book and seen the movie?”

Roommate’s Friend: “Oh! I thought you were stalking my Twitter, because I literally just posted, ‘If anyone asks, I’m dressed as Lisbeth Salander.'”

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