(I have just received my first annual performance review. I am widely known as being one of, if not THE, most productive and efficient aides in the entire facility. I have received stellar marks almost across the board, but am shocked to see that I am given a three out of five in productivity. I immediately bring it up to my supervisor.)

Me: “How could I possibly get a three out of five in productivity? Most everybody agrees I deserve a five, but I would even accept a four as everyone always has room for improvement. But a three is solid mediocrity, and I know for a fact that [multiple far less productive coworkers] have received fours. Can you explain?”

Supervisor: “Well, you simply set the bar too high for yourself. When we see you come in here and always strive to give 110% of yourself, we come to expect that from you all the time. Thus if you’re feeling tired or under the weather and are only able to give 100% or 90%, it makes it look like you’re being lazy in comparison.”

Me: “O… okay. But you gave a higher mark to [specific coworker who is exceptionally lazy], for example, and everybody knows that she spends the majority of her shift at the desk playing with her phone when she should be in the patients’ rooms helping them!”

Supervisor: “Well, see, with her, we know that she usually only gives about 50%, but occasionally she’s having a good day and gives us more like 60%. Those good days in comparison to her usual make her look more productive than you on your bad days as compared to YOUR usual.”

Me: “Okay, just so we’re on the same page here: you really believe that someone who gives 90% on their WORST day deserves a lower score in productivity than someone who gives 60% on their BEST day?”

Supervisor: “Yes. I’m glad you understand. Did you have any more questions?”

Me: “… No, I think I pretty much got it. Thanks.”

(I am volunteering at a nursing home. It is time to hand out breakfast.)

Coworker #1: “This tray goes to Opal.”

Coworker #2: “Which one is Opal?”

Coworker #1: “She has gray hair and glasses, and is sitting in a wheelchair.”

Coworker #2: “Then we have about 15 Opals…”

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(My grandfather has spent the last several years in a nursing home due to Alzheimer’s. He’s long since failed to recognize family members, to our knowledge. It’s now Christmas and I, Mom, and an aunt are watching another aunt feed him dinner.)

Aunt #1: “Come on, Daddy. Eat your macaroni and cheese!”

(He takes a slow mouthful and chews. Suddenly, my mother starts singing with no specific tune.)

Mom: “Macaroni and cheese! Macaroni and cheese! Macaroni and cheeeeeese!”

(My aunts pay this no mind, but I look up and stare at her with my best ‘WTF’ expression.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Mom: “Just singing. Can’t I sing?”

(She continues singing, and I decide that ignoring her along with my aunts is the best course of action. However, a minute later my aunts somehow get into the swing of things and start singing along with her, hardly even out of tune with each other.)

All Three: “Macaroni and cheese, yeah, macaroni and cheese!”

(At this point my grandfather is just looking around the room, and his eyes finally fall on me. As he stares at me amongst the impromptu choir, I can’t resist saying:)

Me: “Yeah, those are your daughters. Even if you don’t remember, you’re very proud. I promise.”

Grandfather: *bursts into chuckles, causing everyone in the room to follow.*

(I am working in the kitchen of a nursing home. At lunch time, I serve meals in the dining room. At the same time, a recently hired nurse is delivering meds to residents at lunch. After three times of us both serving the same person at the same time, we have a conversation.)

Nurse: “We have to stop meeting like this.”

Me: “Where would you like to meet? Your place, my place, or a corner bar? I’ll go anywhere.”

(The nurse pauses and takes a good long look at me.)

Nurse: “How old are you?”

Me: “How old do I have to be?”

Nurse: “At least 21.”

Me: “Can you wait two weeks?”

(We started dating soon after, and were happily married for 11 years before she passed away.)

(I am applying at a local nursing home for a job. While I am waiting in the lobby for my interview, I see an elderly woman fall to the ground. A nurse helps her up and sits her on a bench, but leaves the elderly woman unattended while she goes to get a wheelchair. The elderly woman, who is bleeding from the eye and clearly disoriented, gets up to walk again. Being the only other person other than the residents around, I try to coax her back to her seat to prevent her from falling again. At this moment, the manager comes out to get me for my interview.)

Manager: “Miss [My Name]? Come with me, please.”

Me: “Um, the nurse has just gone to get this woman’s wheel chair. She just–”

Manager: “Well, yes then. Come with me, please.”

Me: “Well, shouldn’t we—”

(The manager is walking away at this point and the other nurse has arrived with the wheelchair, so I reluctantly leave the woman and follow the manager. We get into the office and the manager closes the door and stares at me.)

Manager: “Well, first of all, I’m going to let it go that you were so rude to me just then.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “You’re here for a job, and you start barking orders at me to get the patient a wheelchair. I felt that this was very rude and unprofessional.”

Me: “I’m… I’m really so sorry. I had absolutely no intention of being rude to you. That patient had just fallen on the floor and was bleeding. The nurse told her to stay seated until she came with her wheelchair. I was just trying to make you aware of it because I didn’t want to leave the poor dear and risk her falling again. She was bleeding!”

Manager: “Yes, well, and that’s another thing! You keep calling her ‘poor thing’ and a ‘patient.’ Here, we call them ‘residents’ or ‘clients.’ And don’t ever call them ‘poor’-anything, because you’ll insult them.”

Me: “I’m so sorry.”

Manager: “Well, it’s fine. I know sometimes you teenagers don’t know how to conduct yourselves in a proper manner in the workplace or with people in authority. It’s to be expected, but you’d better shape up fast.”

(I am 23 years old, married, have 2 children, and have been working since I was 15 years old. However, I choose to let that remark go. After 10 minutes, I realize she is basically looking to hire me on for the summer to work the shifts that she and her coworkers want off. This leaves me as the sole person in the building on certain nights, such as Canada Day.)

Manager: “So, you would be working probably 6 pm to 2 am Canada Day night. You understand that, right?”

Me: “Yes. We were only planning to take the children out in the afternoon anyhow.”

Manager: “…Children? How old are you?”

Me: “I’m old enough to bo married with a five and seven-year-old, and old enough to have been in the workforce full time for the past eight years.”

Manager: “Well, anyway… um… do you feel comfortable handing out medications? Like, to the residents?”

Me: “Well, I’m not certified to, but if we’re talking aspirin and laxatives, I could probably handle that.”

Manager: “Alright, you can start tomorrow night. You’ll be distributing medication to all the residents by yourself on the first night…”

(Despite this offer, I decide after leaving the interview that I really want nothing to do with that establishment. Thankfully, I ace my second interview for another job, and call the first manager to let her know I didn’t want their job.)

Manager: “Why may I ask have you changed your mind?”

Me: “Well, first off, I felt that your lack of concern for your residents was appalling. Your resident was bleeding and clearly confused and you were willing to leave her unattended because you felt I had been rude to you by trying to inform you of the situation. Secondly, you reprimanded me and accused me of being a disrespectful teenager. If you had actually bothered to look at my resume, you would have seen that I have been in the workforce for several years and am out of high school, making your statement unfounded. Thirdly, I felt that you were a little too eager to hire a ‘disrespectful teenager’ with a poor work ethic and zero medical certifications to stay alone with and distribute medications to residents all so that you and your coworkers could enjoy your summer holidays. So, thank you for your time and consideration, but for those reasons I don’t want to be a member of your company or be affiliated with you in anyway.”

Manager: “Yeah, well… don’t even THINK about using us as a reference on your resume!”

Me: “I wouldn’t if I could. Have a nice night.”