(I am assisting a 92-year-old male patient.)
Me: “Come on, young fella, you can do this!”
Patient: “Hah, young? I could have been your father!” *adding mischievously* “Your mother wouldn’t want that, though.”
(I am a nurse helping a patient using the toilet. He is 92 years old. I come to help him get dressed and off the toilet.)
Me: “So… did you manage to do what you were going to?”
Patient: “There was lots of wind, but no precipitation!”
This story is part of our Nursing Home Worker roundup!
(We have a new hire who is in his early 20s, but still can’t grasp the simple tasks which only includes domestic tasks in a home and assisting aged clients. He is working as a support staff for my coworker who has just returned from leave and has never worked with him before. She is already getting annoyed with the new hire as he keeps forgetting things and she has to keep repeating instructions. He also doesn’t own a car and gets dropped off and picked up by his parents.)
Coworker: “[New Hire], why don’t you get [Client] out to the driveway and help him wash the car? He loves to do that”.
New Hire: “Sure…” *pauses* “Is there a hose somewhere?”
Coworker: “It’s just off the side of the house, near the front.”
New Hire: *comes back 10 minutes later* “The hose won’t reach the car. What do I do?”
Coworker: “Then grab a bucket. I don’t think we have proper car washer or wax so just use dish-washing liquid to soap it up”.
New Hire: *leaves and returns with bottle of disinfectant* “Will this do?”
Coworker: “….That’s not dish-washing liquid. Grab the one in the kitchen, and the bucket is in the laundry.”
(The coworker goes to the driveway, 30 minutes later, to find the new hire standing there looking dumbfounded with the dry sponge in his hand.)
Coworker: “Don’t you know how to wash a car?”
New Hire: “Yeah I do, but not like this… I just spray with a hose.” *just as he says this, his parents pulled up into the driveway* “Oh my ride’s here 10 minutes early… Is it all right if I go?”
Coworker: *rubbing her temples* “…Just, just go…”
(I have an elderly patient that has been a little confused due to recent illness…)
Me: “Can I help you with something?”
Patient: “How the h*** should I know?!”
Me: “Well, you put on your call light…”
Patient: “Well, I’m confused! You’re the nurse; it’s your job to know what I need and just do it!”
Me: “Okay. I’ll return if I figure it out…”
This story is part of our Nursing Home Worker roundup!
(I work in an assisted living facility. Our residents run the range from sharp as a nail to completely senile, and perfectly fit to bedridden. This particular woman, whose health care is paid for by the state, has in her medical records that she cannot stand, cannot use one arm at all, and has limited use of her other. There is nothing wrong with her mentally.)
Me: *forgetting to knock before entering her room* “Hey. Sorry to disturb you. I’m just here to… get your… trash…”
(She’s standing at her sink, washing an apple. We lock eyes, and she slowly lowers herself to the floor.)
Me: “Um…”
Female Customer: “I crawled over, but I can’t get up now.”
Me: “Do you need me to call anyone for help?”
Female Customer: “No. No need to give the nurses extra work. I’ll manage. Would you be all right to come back later?”
Me: “…Sure.”
(Apparently I’m not the first one to catch her. But we could never conclusively prove that she was faking disability.)
This story is part of our Nursing Home Worker roundup!
