So Happy To See You, He Fried

, , , | Related | August 29, 2017

(I am about eight or nine when my great grandpa’s old age starts to frequently make him sick and weak, leaving my poor grandma with no choice but to put him in a home. One weekend, my dad decides to take me with him on one of his visits, since old people love small children, and I am the oldest [and least hyperactive] of my siblings. When we get into town, we stop at a grocery store to pick up something to snack on during our visit and maybe get something for Great Grandpa as well. I am kinda hungry and immediately see something I want. Experience, however, tells me that simply asking for such things usually ends in failure, so I decide to try a different approach.)

Me: “I think Great Grandpa would like fried chicken.”

Dad: *surprised* “Why do you say that?”

Me: “Because fried chicken is super tasty, and people say hospital food is not ,and that’s bad when you’re sick and trying to get better. So, we should get him something tasty so that he’ll feel better in both his body and his tummy.”

(My dad looks at me funny for a moment before he starts laughing. My silly plan works and we leave the store with a 10-piece bucket of chicken. When we get to Great Grandpa’s room, the elderly man’s face immediately changes, from spaced and a little sad, to a weak form of joy the moment he sees us. I gently climb onto his bed and give him a hug.)

Dad: “Hey, Grandpa, we’re here. Have you eaten yet? [My Name] thought you’d like some fried chicken, so we brought some for everyone to share.”

Great Grandpa: “Oh, that looks good. I’m very hungry.”

(We sit and munch on chicken for a bit, while Dad talks about the goings-on of the outside world. About ten minutes later, a caregiver comes in to check up on everything and see if she is needed. She pauses for a moment.)

Caregiver: “Mr. [Great Grandpa], what is that?”

Great Grandpa: “My great granddaughter brought me fried chicken.”

Caregiver: “How are you still hungry? You just ate less than an hour ago.”

Great Grandpa: “Because fried chicken is tasty and your food is not.”

(My dad lost it at that point and almost fell out of his chair laughing. Sadly, that was the last time I got to see Great Grandpa before he died. To this day, my dad still loves this story. It’s one of the last happy memories he got to make with his grandpa, and he loves to occasionally tell it at gatherings. And to think, it wouldn’t have happened if some sneaky little girl hadn’t been craving chicken.)

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Game Quality Is “Going Down”

| Friendly | April 12, 2017

(I’m sitting at the front desk where I work, and just out of view is a family playing a game of some sort. I’m listening in, as they’re kind of loud.)

Woman: “Can you go down?”

Teenage Girl: “No, I can’t go down yet.”

Woman: “Yeah, I may never go down.”

Man: “You have to have two in your hands first.”

(Cue my WTF expression. I’m not sure I ever want to know what game they were playing, but they kept making comments about ‘going down’ and ‘having two in hand’.)

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No Wonder Why He Left Her…

| Right | April 12, 2017

(Working at a home for the elderly, it’s pretty usual that religion is a an everyday topic. On this particular day I am serving one of our more conservative residents. I am a bisexual woman.)

Resident #1: *in regard to the recent upheld ban on gay marriage* “It’s a d*** good thing they aren’t letting those f*** get married. They’ll d*** us all to Hell! It’s not Godly!” *to me* “Don’t you think, dear?”

Me: “I think God loves all his children no matter what.”

Resident #1: *shocked look* “You’re one of them aren’t you?!”

(Resident #1 proceeds to throw a pamphlet about finding Jesus at me while quoting bible verses. I don’t really comment as I’m not supposed to with the more senile residents. Another resident sees this and voices her own opinion.)

Resident #2: “Oh, good lord, [Resident #1], won’t you take your cranky bigoted be-hind elsewhere and stop bothering this lovely young lady.”

Resident #1: *wheeling away in terror* “You’ll burn in Hell for supporting her!”

Resident #2: “I’ll be sure to save you a seat on the ride down!” *to me* “Don’t mind her, dear. She’s just mad because her husband left her for a man years ago.”

Me: “I, uh… thank you.”

(Now I always make sure to give Resident #2 extra of her favorite dessert!)

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Which Who Is For You?

| Friendly | December 21, 2016

(While at a family Christmas function at a nursing home, a couple of girls around my age (mid-twenties) notice my ‘Dr. Who’ backpack and we strike up a conversation.)

Me: “So who’s your favorite doctor?”

Girl #1: “I think… the second one?”

Girl #2: “Yeah… the good looking one.”

(They had briefly mentioned they were new to the series, so I was hesitant to ask them this question.)

Me: “Do you mean… David Tennant?”

Girl #1: “Yeah, that’s the one.”

Me: “He’s a good one; one of my personal favorites as well.”

(I wasn’t sure how to break it to them that Tennant wasn’t the second doctor. But I figured if they watched the show long enough they’d figure it out on their own.)

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Taking Some Motherly Advice

| Friendly | August 29, 2016

(Our nursing home has a group of volunteers that often help the nurses during meals and do most of the activities with the residents. This sometimes causes visitors to try to get the volunteers to do things they aren’t allowed to, or things even nurses aren’t allowed to do such as give medication at inappropriate times or give extra medication when residents go on holidays with the family. In this case I exit the elevator and hear an argument.)

Visitor: “I don’t see what the problem is; I want to take my mother to [Local Restaurant] but I need her medication. Now, go get them.”

Volunteer: “Ma’am, I’d love to, but I can’t. I don’t know which medication your mother needs nor the exact dosage. You’ll have to speak to a nurse about that.”

Visitor: “You ARE a nurse. You work here. Stop being lazy and go get my mother’s pills!”

Volunteer: *notices me and points at me* “I’m not a nurse, but [My Name] is. If you ask her she can check which medication your mother needs and give them to you.”

Visitor: “If you’re not a nurse then why are you in my mother’s room?”

Volunteer: “I was picking her up to go to the dining room; neither of us were aware you were going to come and pick her up. Now, since [My Name] is here she can help you with the medication. I’ll go and take other residents to the dining room.”

(At this point the resident opens her door.)

Visitor: “You stop right there. I demand you do your job and get me those pills and then go get your manager or whatever so I can complain about you!”

(Before anyone can say or do a thing the mother speaks up.)

Resident: “God d*** it. Can you not embarrass me for once? First off, I don’t need medication during lunch!, Second of all, we agreed to go out for lunch tomorrow, and third of all if you don’t apologize to [Volunteer] right now I’ll go out for lunch with her instead of you!”

Visitor: *mumbles and checks her phone, then runs away after yelling “I’m sorry”*

Resident: “[Volunteer], you’re free tomorrow?”

Volunteer: “I am”

Resident: “Good. If you want, pick me up at 11 and we’ll go to [Local Restaurant].”

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