I work at a ski shop, so we do a lot of tune-ups. Tune-ups involve base repair, edge work, and waxing, so we have a lot of hot wax here.

Me: “What happened to [New Hire]? I haven’t seen him since he started last week.”

Coworker: “Oh, the young guy? You didn’t hear what happened?”

Me: “I guess not.”

Coworker: “Well he figured out we had lots of hot wax… so you already know where this is going.”

Me: “Tell me anyway?”

Coworker: “Well [Owner] walked into the back room to see [New Hire] slowly, carefully, dipping his nuts into the hot wax.”

Me: “No, honey. No one saw that going there. No… One.”

I work in an office that is quite multicultural with lots of first languages other than English. Two of my coworkers are from French-speaking countries and so usually speak in French when it’s just the two of them conversing. This applies to online chats through the office chat networks. 

I see my French-speaking coworker rushing off to meet his other French-speaking colleague for lunch – apparently, he was running late. He was rushing so he doesn’t lock his work laptop and a coworker walks past, looks at the laptop, and gasps.

Coworker: “Oh my God!”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Coworker: “Look what [French-Speaking Coworker] wrote!”

I walk over to see the unlocked laptop screen with the chat window open. Our French-speaking coworker has informed the other French-speaking coworker that they’re running late. In French, this is:

French-Speaking Coworker’s Chat: “Je suis en retard.”

Me: “That’s French for “I’m running late”.”

Coworker: “That’s an offensive term!”

Me: “Not in French. That word is the correct usage for “late” in French.”

Coworker: “Well then they should change it! It’s offensive!”

Me: “They know not to use it in English conversations.”

Coworker: “That’s not good enough! They shouldn’t be using it at all!”

They stormed off all huffily. I locked [French-speaking coworker]’s laptop for him and told him what happened when he got back.

This meant he was prepared when the HR lady swung by “for a word”.

The complaint was quickly dropped when [French-speaking coworker] counter-complained that [Coworker] would say “Oh my God” a lot and the way she said “God” sounded like ‘godes’ in French, which means “dildos”.

We have a new cashier at our fast-food place. She’s sixteen and is apparently the kind of pretty that local high school and college-age guys in the area go for, because she has to deal with constant flirting every day.

At first, I worry it’s going to wear her down and I offer her a position away from customers:

Coworker: “No, it’s fine. They don’t bother me.”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure.”

I am reassured of this later that day when I witness this interaction:

Customer: *Teenage boy, likely around the same age.* “I want [combo meal], but instead of the drink I’ll take your phone number.”

I see her roll her eyes at the unoriginal pick-up line.

Coworker: “You’ll have better luck with the soda, trust me.”

Customer: “Don’t be like that baby girl. You’ll have a good time with me, I promise. I’ve got a really big endowment and I’m not talking about my trust fund.”

Coworker: “With lines like that the only chance you’ll ever have to be inside a girl is if you become an organ donor.”

All of this guy’s friends burst out laughing. Embarrassed and turning red, he pays for his combo and stalks away silently.

This story is part of our Editors’-Favorite-Stories-Of-2024-(second half!) roundup!

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CONTENT WARNING: Rude Humor

I worked in the kitchens. We have a long line, and I hear an altercation out front at the register. Since I am a larger guy sometimes, I poke my head out to see if I’ll be needed to help de-escalate a situation.

I see a younger guy, college age (we’re a college town), who has pushed in front of an older guy.

Older Customer: “I was ordering!”

Younger Customer: “No, you were dithering! I haven’t got time to wait for you to figure out what to get with your pension money.”

Older Customer: “I was literally about to order, you little upstart!”

The older customer pushes the younger customer out of the way and starts saying his order.

Younger Customer: “Who do you think you are?!”

Older Customer: “I could’ve been your daddy, but your mother didn’t have change for a fiver.”

I’m ashamed to admit I laughed loud enough that they both looked at me. The younger customer swore and stormed out, likely too embarrassed to wait his turn.

I once worked in a consumer electronics store, and a customer came in and plopped an adult toy down on the counter.

Customer: “I need you to put batteries in this.”

Judging from the size and shape, I made a good guess at which batteries it required. So I grabbed some off the wall. I grabbed TWO packs since I thought I could double up by suggesting they take home some spares. (We worked on commission.)

Customer: “Put them in for me.”

Me: “No, ma’am… I’m not touching that.”

Customer: “Look, just do your job and put the batteries in for me.”

Me: “Not happening. It’s not my job to handle used adult toys.”

Customer: “Then get a manager over here to do it!”

I went to get the manager, and while we were in the back, I explained the situation, so she would know what to expect when we got to the sales counter.

The manager backed me up and refused to touch that thing either. After a little back and forth, the customer eventually gave in, bought BOTH packs of batteries, and flounced out.

Customer: “UGH! No one wants to do their job anymore!”

Manager: “Yeaaah, no. Jesus himself could float down and tell me to do it and I would tell HIM to go to the hot place…”