I’m paying at the counter at a large clothing store. There’s a sign up, bold and prominent, saying:
Sign: “We cannot accept returns on underwear and intimates for any reason. All sales on these items are FINAL SALE.”
Me: “I can’t believe you have to have that sign up. Surely that’s common sense.”
Employee: “That’s not even that bad. I have a second job, and we have the same sign up there, too.”
Me: “Where is the second shop?”
Employee: “A sex shop.”
Eww.
I walk into a corner shop just in time to hear a manager shouting at the young guy working behind the counter:
Manager: “You must like being on the bottom in the bedroom because the only thing you can do is f*** up!”
The young guy swore back and stormed out, and I totally forgot what I went in there for in the first place…
At my gym, there’s a larger guy (that’s how he describes himself) who has been working his a** off to get in shape. He’s awesome and really putting in that work. His wife actually works there at the front desk. They’re a really cute couple, and it’s obvious just from observing their interactions that they’re over the moon for each other.
Plenty of guys come in and decide to flirt with the front desk woman. She shuts them down all the time, but occasionally these morons decide to mock her husband, not knowing their relationship, to make themselves seem better by comparison.
I witness one such attempt:
Customer: “Ugh, why do some guys even bother. I mean, look how fat that guy is.”
Front Desk Worker: “It’s not surprising. Every time we do it, I let him lick chocolate sauce off me.”
The customer just freezes up, not knowing what to say or do next.
Front Desk Worker: *Calmly.* “Was there anything I could help you with?”
That guy just sheepishly disappeared back into the free weights section, and I was just glad I wasn’t in the middle of a set myself as I was laughing my a** off.
My job requires a lot of international travel. A silver lining to this is that we can collect personal airmiles from all the business-expensed flights, so they can add up pretty quickly.
One of my senior coworkers, who has been saving her air miles for a while, comes into work one day excited, with a special letter and card from the airline we most frequently use.
Coworker: “I’m now a member of the Mile High Club!”
Me: “Uh… what?”
Coworker: “I got a million miles saved up! That puts me in their special club! Look!”
Me: “[Coworker], you’re trying to tell me that you’ve saved up a large number of miles with [Airline], right? Nothing else?”
Coworker: “Yes! Why, what are you talking about?”
Me: “Do you know what the Mile High Club is?”
Coworker: “Yes, it’s the club you join when you’ve saved a high number of miles with the airline! I hear people talking about it all the time, and I’m finally a member!”
Me: “Okay, let me explain something…”
After I told her what the Mile High Club really was (which has a much lower barrier to entry), she was very grateful that I was the first person in the office she had told that morning!
I am shopping in the supermarket and overhear a teenage girl arguing with her mum about something.
Mom: “No, I’m not buying it. It’s too expensive!”
Teen: “Urgh! You suck!”
Mom: “If I had, you wouldn’t be here right now!”
That shut up the girl, and just about everyone else in a three-aisle radius!
