I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, And Also Needs A Toilet Break

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2018

(I’m a customer in this story. This store has its employees in either plain clothes and a green vest, or a black polo with the store logo on it. My mom and I go there to pick up a birthday gift and visit my friends who work there. We talk for a while, pick up our gifts, and go to pay. The employee helping us leaves to grab a video game disc out of a drawer on the opposite end of the counter when another customer approaches us from the cashier side of the counter.)

Customer: *to us* “Hey, the women’s toilet is broken!”

Mom: “Oh, wow. That sucks.” *turns to me to pick up our conversation*

Customer: *interrupting* “The toilet is broken!

Mom: “Well, as I said before, that sucks, but we don’t work here. You might want to go tell an employee. We are just waiting to pay; you’re actually behind the counter!”

(The other customer stared at us like a deer in the headlights, huffed, and walked out of the store as the employees also started to snicker. I guess she thought we worked there because I was talking to my friends, even though we weren’t wearing the employee vest or lanyard…)

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 31

Never Trust In The Honesty Of People

, , , | Working | October 22, 2018

(Recently an old classmate hit me up. Last thing I’d heard from him he’d dropped out of studying economics and started a novelty shop. Apparently business isn’t going great.)

Classmate: “You have a degree in computer science, right? You see, I’ve had an idea on how to improve business, which you could help me with. I want to introduce a card with which you can buy in my store and pay later, and I don’t know how to do this.”

Me: “Umm, you’re describing credit cards. I don’t think this is going to help you. People already know about those…”

Classmate: “No, no. Not like a credit card. I want something like those gift cards with a magnetic stripe. Only that you can pay later.”

Me: “Okay, but then you’d have to bill them, and we’re basically back to credit cards.”

Classmate: “No. You. Don’t. Understand. I don’t want them to sign up or something. People hate that! Just get a card, pay with it, and settle the bill when you want to.”

Me: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sorry. Why would they pay the money ba—”

Classmate: *interrupting me* “I’m going to stop you right there. You’re a computer scientist, not a businessman. Fine. If you don’t want to help me, I’ll just find someone else!” *hangs up*

(He really found someone who’d help him make anonymous gift cards where you can accumulate debt. And it really did improve business… at least for the two months, until he had to close down. A shame he didn’t sell something better. I would have run up quite the tab otherwise.)

Unfiltered Story #92583

, , | Unfiltered | August 31, 2017

*I work in a small hole-in-the-wall store that specializes mostly in gimmicky gifts and knick-knacks. Most of our stock is either on the floor or stored in cupboards under the displays. We also have a tiny storage closet that we put reserved items in as well as our cleaning supplies. On this day a lady comes in and looks around at our stuff.*

Lady: Do you have any of those bobbleheads based off of *popular video game* There’s none out here!

Me: Let me check.

*I go through the cupboards under the bobbleheads and unfortunately don’t find any*

Lady: Can’t you check the back?

Me: Doubt if we have any they’ll be there, but I’ll have a look.

*Having been asked about ‘the back’ numerous times I’ve gotten into the habit of just walking into our storage closet and taking a short break since that usually appeases the customers. Sadly this lady proves to be the exception.*

Me: *after spending six or so minutes in the closet* Sorry it looks like we’re out of that one. We can certainly order one in for you though.

Lady: What? No! You weren’t gone for long enough. You can’t have checked the entire back!

Me: Ma’am I’m sorry but we’re very limited on storage space. Our back isn’t that big.

Lady: Go check again! You can’t have done it properly!

*To try and calm her down, I go into the closet again and just play on my phone for another 10 minutes (fortunately it was a slow day and she was the only one there)*

Me: I’m sorry but it really looks like we’re out right now. I can still…

Lady: NO! You came out too quickly again! You didn’t check the entire back!

Me: I promise you, ma’am, there’s not much ‘back’ to check. Seriously, see for yourself.

*I open the door to show her that the storage closet is literally maybe slightly bigger than a phone booth, with three shelves of reserved items, our broom, hoover, and cleaning stuff.*

Me: That’s all there is.

*The lady stared dumbly at the closet for a moment, then to my shock she charges inside*

Lady: It can’t be! You’ve got to have more back here! My nephew’s birthday is today! I NEED that bobblehead!

*She starts pounding on the wall, pulling on the shelves, checking (I’m guessing) for some hidden switch that’ll reveal there’s another secret area behind the closet*


Me: Lady, that’s it! Our stock is either on the floor or in one of the cupboards on the floor. There’s no other area they could be!

*The lady continues freaking out. By this point she’s in danger of pulling the shelves clean off the walls (They’re just cheap metal ones held on with screws) and having the items on them fall on her. I finally have to step in and block her from the closet*

Me: Lady, seriously, I’m going to call the police and have you removed if you start destroying the store. I swear to God, there’s no more back, there’s no other place where we keep stock.

Lady: No, you have to have another back area! You NEED to have that bobblehead!

Me: Ma’am, I understand your distress, really I do. But as we’ve confirmed, we don’t have it. I can order it for you and have it here in two daysvia express post, but there’s no way I can get you one today.

*I hate to admit it but my heart breaks as this lady looks like she’s going to break down in tears.*

Lady: But…but…I trusted you! I trusted you to have my nephew’s gift! You’ve ruined everything!!! Why won’t you show me where the real back is???

*She leaves the store in defeat, and sadly we’ve yet to see her again (seriously, I really didn’t want to upset her that much). I know customers are insistent as hell about ‘the back’ having everything they’re shopping for, but that’s the only time I’ve witnessed how deep their denial can go if you don’t have what they’re after.*

Showing Some Restraint While Shopping

| NY, USA | Working | October 16, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are at a popular novelty store that sells certain… bedroom things. We have just picked up a set of restraints and go to the counter to purchase them.)

Cashier #1: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Me: “Yeah, thanks. We’re just getting these.” *sets the box on the counter*

Cashier #1: *turns bright pink* “Uh, um, I’ll just, uh, let me get someone to take of that for you.”

(He scrambles into the back, leaving my boyfriend and me to exchange a confused look. After a moment he returns with another cashier in tow. She takes one look at our purchase and turns on him.)

Cashier #2: “Geez, dude, they’re just restraints! It’s not like they’re buying a vibrator or anything! How do you even work here?!”

(He blushes and stammers an apology and disappears into the back of the store again. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I are trying desperately to keep straight faces.)

Cashier #2: *to us* “I can ring you folks out. I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know how he’s lasted this long here.”

Boyfriend: *trying not to laugh* “No, that’s fine. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “It’s a good thing we didn’t find a vibrator we liked. That poor kid probably would have died right then and there.”

Meaner Than A Junkyard Dog

| Omaha, NE, USA | Working | June 28, 2012

(I have a medical alert service dog. I’ve just walked into a shop that sells, among other things, novelty pillows, I am pounced upon by an employee.)

Employee: “You can’t bring a dog in here!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. This is my service dog.”

Employee: “I can see that, but you really can’t bring it in here! We sell pillows!”

Me: *confused* “Well, federal law—”

Employee: “I KNOW! I know about federal law, but your dog could get allergens on the pillows! You could kill someone, and I shouldn’t have to ask you to do the right thing!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I have this dog so that I can stay safe. He’s very clean, so I don’t think they’ll be any problem—”

Employee: “No! No! Absolutely not! You can’t bring him anywhere near these pillows! He’s a dog, and you’re a heartless woman who only cares for herself!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m disabled. I really need this dog, I’m protected by law, and I don’t see—”

Employee: “NO, I can’t let you stay in here! If you’re not going to do the right thing on your own then I’m going to have to ask you to leave!”

Me: “Can I see a manager, or—”

Employee: “LEAVE!”

(I left. It just wasn’t worth it!)

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