All Talkie, No Walkie

, , , , , , | Working | November 20, 2018

(I work in a leisure centre where jobs include cleaning, customer care, and lifeguarding. This is a small centre, so there are only four employees and the manager on site. On this particular day, there are only male staff. I’m taking my turn lifeguarding. From my chair I can’t see the front desk, where the rest of the employees are. I have a radio to communicate problems. I have been in the chair for nearly an hour, it’s hot, and there’s no sign of anyone coming to switch with me. I pick up the radio.)

Me: “Hey, does anyone fancy taking a turn on pool?”


Me: “It’s nice and warm out here.”

Coworker #1: “[My Name], are you trying to use the radio? We can’t hear you.”

Me: “Could someone come and take me off, please?”

Coworker #1: “We’re just hearing static mate; try speaking up.”

Me: “Can. Someone. Please. Switch. With. Me.”

Coworker #2: “We really can’t hear you mate; try speaking up.”

Me: “Try coming out and talking to me, then.”

Coworker #3: “What are you trying to say to us?”

Me: “Maybe you could get off your fat a** and try and solve the problem with a little initiative.”

Coworker #1: “What?”

Me: “Never mind. Forget it.”

Coworker #3: “Come again?”

Me: “Never. Mind.”

(This goes on for about five minutes. Eventually, [Coworker #2] comes out to switch with me. He has a massive grin on his face.)

Me: *snapping* “What?!”

Coworker #2: “We could hear you the whole time.”

(I instantly felt very stupid, and went back to the front desk without saying anything else to him. When I got there, everyone laughed, including the manager, and I vowed to kill them all — which was fine since I know for a fact I’m on the manager’s workplace massacre list — before getting on with my job. I know I sound pretty dumb for falling for that, but in my defence, it was very hot, and I’m quite gullible as it is.)

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Easy To Table This Discussion

, , , , , | Friendly | August 17, 2018

My parents and I go to a local restaurant for a meal out. This place is very popular, and we go there a lot; it’s got good food and it’s affordable. It is early in the week, so the restaurant is empty. We get a small table.

A man and his partner take a table behind me but tell the server they’d like to sit at [our table number]. Naturally, the server is confused, but when asked, the man says that [our table] is normally their table. Since we’re sitting at it, he then sits there glaring at us, with my mum glaring right back.

To top it off, he glares at another family who have a very young infant who can’t stop crying no matter what the mother does.

We had a laugh about this later as, as I stood up and made a show of the empty restaurant before asking if there were named tables for all the regulars.

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Pay It No Mind-Reading

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(I used to manage a high-end fashion store. There are many branches across the UK. A customer approaches me, one who I have had no previous communication with.)

Customer: *holds up non-descript ladies top* “Is this the one my friend saw and liked at [Other Store in Nearby City]?”

Me: *attempting to use psychic ability* “I couldn’t possibly know. What did she say it looked like?”

Customer: “She didn’t. Just that she saw a top she liked in your store.”

Me: “I really can’t help you. You will have to ask your friend.”

Customer: *walks away deflated*

(I wondered if all retail workers are meant to have supernatural abilities, or whether she thought it was just me?)

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