Can’t Cry Over Spilt Milk When It Hasn’t Been Poured Yet

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2018

(I work as a barista at a British cafe chain.)

Me: “Hello there! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Tea. Two.”

Me: “Would you like those in large mugs or teapots? It’s all the same price.”

Customer: “Small! All you big chains are just out to scam people all the time, pretending like there isn’t a smaller size; it’s disgusting!”

Me: “Ma’am, all the sizes of tea are the same price so I just thought—”

Customer: “No! Small!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, regular milk or skimmed with that?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All right, anything else for you today?”

Customer: “I SAID NO ALREADY!”

Me: “Okay, your total is [total]. Thanks very much, enjoy!”

(I go off to clear a table quickly before serving the next customer. When I come back, the customer is still standing there.)

Me: “Everything okay, ma’am?”

Customer: *looking at me like I have a screw loose* “Erm, MILK?!”

Me: “Oh, yep, sure!”

Customer: *to the next person in line* “Jesus, where do they find these people? It’s like the light’s on, but nobody’s home!”

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Change-ing Perceptions

, , , , | | Right | May 31, 2018

(I’m the customer, paying for a £1.49 pack of greetings cards. I hand my coins, £1 + 50p + 5p + 2p + 1p + 1p, to the cashier.)

Me: “Here’s £1.59.”

Another Customer: *in a tone that says, “You moron!”* “He said £1.49. Why are you giving him £1.59?”

Me: *answering factually, as if it were a genuine question* “He’ll give me 10p change. I’ll have fewer coins in my pocket, and he’ll have some change for other customers.”

Cashier: *handing me 10p* “I wish more customers were like you.”

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Unfiltered Story #110916

, , , | Unfiltered | May 16, 2018

I work as a sales assistant in a phone shop and a customer entered with her friend, asking about a new iPhone cable to replace hers which was broken.

As I was halfway through showing her which cables we had in stock, her friend wandered over and asked ‘What’s a cable?’.

The Infinity Breakfast

, , , , , , , | Romantic | March 15, 2018

(I’ve just woken up, I’m being a bit lazy in getting up, and I want five more minutes of snuggles. I turn to my boyfriend, who is half-awake next to me. Warning: Marvel Cinematic Universe spoilers.)

Me: “Babe. You know how in Thor: Ragnarok, Loki went to Odin’s vault in the end? Do you think he took the Tesseract and saved the blue Infinity Stone?”

Boyfriend: “He almost definitely did. That’s why Thanos has it in the trailer for Infinity War.”

Me: “So, what happened to the red Infinity Stone?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, the strawberry stone. Not sure. Don’t know what it does.”

Me: “Okay, well, Doctor Strange has the green one. And what happened to Loki’s staff? That had the yellow stone in it.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, the lemon stone. It’s by the sugar stone and the pancake stone.”

(I’m keeping him.)

Early Morning Reality Check

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2017

(I work in a call center. I have just started my shift around 8:00 am, and am sleep-deprived from a party the night before. A customer calls:)

Me: “[Company] mail order, [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Are… are you real?”

(For a second that feels like a thousand years, I don’t know. I’ve never felt actual existential dread before this and am having trouble coming up with an answer.)

Me: “I… I think so?”

(It turns out my greeting was so rehearsed the poor lady thought I was a machine.)

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