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When A Firewall Just Doesn’t Cut The Mustard

, , , | Right | September 18, 2010

Me: “Can you check the cable from the wall to your router?”

Customer: “What cable?”

Me: “The DSL cable. The one that goes from the phone outlet in the wall to the router.”

Customer: “That ‘wall’ you are talking about… Is that something you installed for me?”

At Least It’s Hands-Free Now

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2010

Caller: “My phone isn’t working.”

Me: “No problem. I can help you with that.”

Caller: “Good. I hate these things.”

Me: “Sir, can you locate the power button on the top of your mobile, hold it in for ten seconds, and then release?”

(The customer is quiet, and then I hear a crash.)

Me: “What happened?”

Caller: “I did what you told me to do. Hold the button for ten seconds and then release the phone.”

Me: “No, I meant release the button, not the whole phone.”

Caller: “Well, if it wasn’t broken earlier, it sure is now!”


This story is part of our Smartphone roundup!

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A Crude Assumption That Needs Refining

, , | Right | August 25, 2010

Customer: “I need oil for my car. I need the 10-40.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re out of that.”

Customer: “Well, go get some more.”

Me: “I can’t just do that. I could order some for you, and it will be here in a couple of days.”

Customer: “No! Just go back there!” *points to the storage room* “Get some from the tap.”

Me: “The tap?”

Customer: “I know that every gas station is connected to the oil rigs in the North Sea!”


This story is part of our Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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Left At The Hereafter

, , , | Right | August 23, 2010

(I have to talk to many different dentists throughout the day. The old ones speak in very old-fashioned Norwegian.)

Me: “[Company]; this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Yes, you see, my customer just left, and I forgot to take a copy of his bill. Could you send me a new one?”

Me: “Sure, miss, but I can see you live quite the distance from here. May I suggest calling the customer to get it back, or get the numbers? I am quite sure it’ll be easier for you.”

Client: “But you don’t understand! He just left!”

Me: “I understand, miss. I still believe it would be easier for you if you just called the customer, though.”

Client: “What part of ‘he just left’ is so hard to understand? He left!”

Me: “I see. I’m sorry if I bothered you with my opinions. I’m printing out a copy of the bill right as we speak, and it’ll be out by tomorrow at noon.”

Client: “Good. That’s all right then.” *mumbles to herself* “…asking me to call his widow for the bill. Outrageous.”

Me: “Widow? Excuse me, miss, but is your customer dead?”

Client: “Oh, so now you get it, huh? I told you, he left!”


This story is part of our Weird Words roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Stories About Customers Who Don’t Know The Names Of Things

 

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The Price Of Laziness

, , , , | Right | July 26, 2010

Customer: “My phone doesn’t work. It has dial sound only!”

Me: “Okay, what I need you to do is to reset your phone by disconnecting it from the power and try the main phone connection.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time to do that. You have to send out a serviceman and fix this now!”

Me: “Yes, of course we can do that. However, if the serviceman discovers that the problem is related to your phone or cables, you will have to pay for the service which is 1875NOK (around $290 USD).”

Customer: “What did you say that I had to do first?”


This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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