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Like The Phone, He’s Having An “Off” Day

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2021

An angry customer comes up to me and slams his one-day-old expensive phone on my counter so hard he’s lucky it doesn’t crack.

Customer: “You have exactly one f****** minute to fix my phone, or I want a new one. NOW!”

Me: “All right. What seems to be wrong with it?”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘what seems to be wrong with it’? IT’S F****** DEAD, CAN’T YOU SEE?!”

I hold the power button for four seconds and the phone boots up. I turn the screen around for the angry customer to see, trying to withhold my smug grin.

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I told that little s*** son of mine to test the phone before he sent me back here!”

He stormed out, extremely red-faced.

Mattress Stress

, , , | Right | May 17, 2021

This is an email correspondence that draws over several weeks.

Customer: “I would like to return this kids’ mattress. It was advertised as organic, but when I opened it, it had a label that said it was highly flammable!”

Me: “Oh, that sounds strange. Can you please send us a photograph of this label so that we can take it up with the manufacturer? This is supposed to be one of the safest mattresses on the market!”

We email the manufacturer, asking them if they have any idea what the customer is referring to.

Customer: “I threw the label away.”

Me: “The manufacturer says that there is no such label on the mattress.”

Customer: “Yes, there was; both my partner and I saw it, and we are highly-educated people so I think we know how to read!”

We get the manufacturer to send us all the labels and instruction manuals that come with the mattress.

Me: “Are you referring to this label that says, ‘This mattress is made from flame-retardant materials without additives.’?”

Customer: “You marketed this as an organic mattress, and if it is flammable it is not organic!”

Me: *Flabbergasted* “As stated earlier, it is not a flammable mattress. Of course, it will eventually catch fire if you put it on a flame, but this will take longer to catch fire than other mattresses. Furthermore, it is organic and certified as such, as stated in the description.”

Customer: “A product that contains chemicals can’t be organic! You are lying to me and I want to return this mattress!”

I really wanted to ask her if she would like an organic hay mattress, instead, but you know, that WOULD be highly flammable.

Burst Their Bubble

, , | Right | May 7, 2021

I work at a pet shop in a mall.

Customer: “Do you sell soap bubbles?”

I think about soap bubbles with catnip for cats.

Me: “For cats?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Soap bubbles for cats?”

Customer: “No!”

The customer is full-out laughing, almost grabbing her stomach and bending over.

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to find a store that is not a pet store. We only sell equipment for cats, dogs, and animals.”

The woman was stunned, stopped laughing, and just stood there looking at me before leaving. 

I feel bad for the way I answered her — that wasn’t good customer service at all — but I was so fed up with all the customers coming to ask for products that would never be sold in our type of store. We do actually have soap bubbles with catnip for cats, but she didn’t have to laugh at me like that.

No One Wants To Acknowledge That Day Of The Week

, , | Right | March 22, 2021

I work customer service for a major newspaper in my country, helping customers with their newspaper subscriptions. An elderly woman calls in. She sounds quite sad but she’s perfectly pleasant throughout the entire conversation. 

Customer: “I didn’t get my newspaper today.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Is this at [address]?”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “I see here that you have a subscription that includes delivery Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.”

Customer: “Yes, and it wasn’t on my doormat today.”

Me: “But… it’s Monday.”

Customer: *After a pause* “Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I’m so sorry!”

Me: *Laughing* “It’s perfectly fine. It’s clearly a proper Monday!”

Customer: *Also laughing* “You’re absolutely right! I’m really sorry!”

You’ll Never Tire Of These Coincidences

, , | Right | January 29, 2021

I work as a tire fitter. I’m a bit tired (pun intended) today, so instead of going into the shop to use our computer program to send a text message to customers looking for quotes, I take up my work phone and send a text message to let a customer know the work is done. I normally don’t do this, because then the customers get my direct number, and I don’t always have the time to answer the phone.

Not many minutes after I sent the text, my phone rings.

Caller: “I just received a text from you saying my tires are done and ready to be picked up.”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

I confirm the details with him. As we talk, I realise this is not the customer I was expecting. I sent the text to the wrong number; I managed to press the last digit as an eight when it was supposed to be nine. I have messaged someone who, by sheer coincidence, was also waiting for a quote for tire work.

Caller: “Since I already have you on the line, my winter tires are worn out and I need new ones. Could you give me a price offer?”

Me: *Surprised* “No problem, give me a minute to get to my computer. Where in the country are you so I can send the offer for tires to a department close to you?”

Caller: “I live [ten minutes from my location].”

I’m stunned! In Norway, we don’t have area codes or anything like that; I could just as easily have sent the message to someone on the other end of the country, but of the 5.3 million people that live in Norway, I managed to send the message to someone living ten minutes away!

I ended up selling him a set of our best tires.

He told me he had been really confused by my message since it was so accurate, because he also had a flat tire that he needed fixing.

Even their names were similar.