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I’ll Be Invalid For Christmas

, , , | Right | December 23, 2017

(It’s the 23rd of December and I’ve been on tills for several hours. A lady comes through my till and is complaining the whole time about low stock, claiming prices weren’t displayed properly, and grumbling in general. When it comes to paying she presents me with a ‘€5 off €50’ shop voucher.)

Me: “I’m really sorry but I can’t accept this. It says here that it’s only valid in the Republic of Ireland. My till won’t accept it.”

Customer: “Are you joking? Are you serious right now? Just change it all to euros and put it through.”

Me: “I’m really sorry but that’s not how it works. As it says here, it’s not valid in the UK, only ROI”

Customer: “Well, you know what? You’re a little c*** and [Store] are a bunch of b******s!”

Me: “…And your total is £130, madam. Can I help you with anything else?”

(In complete contrast another lady and her friend tried to tip me £10 each for “being so nice and putting up with the general public.”)

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Not Thinking (About What’s) Inside The Box

, , , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I work in a branch of a fried chicken chain. We do several different boxed burger meals, two of which are very similar. They are almost identical, the only difference being that [Box Meal #1] comes with a piece of chicken and [Box Meal #2] comes with two hot wings. Both are very popular and are ordered very regularly. One day, as I’m wiping tables in the dining area, a woman comes in with one of our boxed meals. She is clearly angry.)

Customer: “Excuse me! You got my order wrong!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was wrong with it? I can fix that for you right away.”

Customer: “This happens every f****** time I come in here. There’s always something wrong. I had to walk back from home for over fifteen minutes!”

(The cursing doesn’t bother me, since around here every other word is a swear word whether the person’s angry or not.)

Me: “If you just tell me what the problem—”

Customer: “You didn’t give me my f****** chicken.”

(She shoves the box into my hands. I open it up to check. Everything that’s included in [Box Meal #1] appears to be in there.)

Me: “Was this a [Box Meal #1]?”

Customer: *crossing her arms* “Yes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see any problems with it. Everything’s in there. The burger, the chi—”

Customer: “Two. Two pieces of chicken.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I’m supposed to have two pieces of chicken.”

Me: “Oh, did you order an extra piece? I’m sorry, I—”

Customer: “No! I ordered a [Box Meal #1] and it comes with two pieces of chicken. Jesus, do you not know how to do your f****** job? Don’t they train you here? F***’s sake.”

(I now realise what she’s talking about.)

Me: “Are you sure you’re not thinking of [Box Meal #2]? That one comes with two hot wings.”

Customer: “Of course I’m f****** sure! I order this all the time! How can a [Restaurant] have staff that doesn’t even f****** know what food they serve.”

Me: “Actually, if you look at our menu board over there you’ll see that the [Box Meal #2] comes with two hot wings and [Box Meal #1] comes with just the one piece of chicken on the bone.”

(I point to our menu board as she squints at it, scrutinising every word. A look of embarrassment washes over her face as she realises her mistake. She turns back to me and smiles.)

Customer: *suddenly cheery* “Oh! I’m sorry. Thank you very much, love. Bye!”

(She turns and walks out of the restaurant as if nothing ever happened.)

Me: “What…?”

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Getting No Signal From Brains And Phones

, , , , , , | Right | March 3, 2010

Caller: “I’ve had nothing but trouble with this phone recently.”

Me: “What problems have you been having?”

Caller: “No matter what I do, I can’t get a signal. I had to ring customer services!

Me: “Did you call them off that phone?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And is that the phone I am speaking to you on?”

Caller: “Yes. And they said I should try switching it off taking the sim card out, putting it back in and turning it back on and that would help re-set it.”

Me: “Did that work?”

Caller: “I don’t know, they hung up on me while I was trying.”

Me: “While you were switching your phone off?”

Caller: “Yes.”

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