The Teller Machine Is Telling You Something

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2019

(Our ATM is managed by a very popular bank not associated with us. There is even a sign on it to warn customers that supermarket employees cannot deal with any ATM enquiries, and to contact your bank. An American man comes in with a British bank card that should allow him to withdraw money from any ATM. Note that I’m slightly hard of hearing but can generally understand people after they repeat what they have said.)

Customer: “My card won’t work in the ATM! It just comes up with an error.”

(I notice that his card is slightly bent out of shape and peeling at the edges. This is probably why the ATM won’t take his card, as it’s damaged.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Unfortunately, we don’t have anything to do with the ATM as it is maintained by the bank you’re with. You could always try putting your card in again, or we do offer a cashback service. You do have to buy something for cashback, though, and it’s only a £50 limit.”

Customer: “Well, that’s no help! I need to do my shopping!”

(Some old-fashioned cards are only able to be used at ATMs, but it’s been many years since I’ve seen these. After some questioning, the customer tells me that his card can pay for the shopping but “he prefers to use cash.”)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can either try the ATM again or try paying with the card. Those are the options. There’s not much else I can do.”

Customer: *turns around to walk away* “Oh, to h*** with you!”

(He walked off and didn’t return. I’m not sure how his card being too damaged to be read by the ATM was my fault, but I guess that’s retail!)

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Little Kids Will Just Not Give It A Rest

, , , , , , | Right | August 23, 2019

(It’s 9:30 pm on a Friday night. We shut our cigarette kiosk at 8:00 pm, due to the fact that we usually don’t have the staff to run it and it’s pointless when only five or six customers want cigarettes between 8:00 pm and 10:00 pm. The kiosk has a sign stating to go to the customer service desk and an employee will come and serve you the cigarettes. I’m stood at the customer service desk, taking a quick swig of my drink in between stocking, when a little boy comes round from the direction of the kiosk.)

Little Boy: “My dad said to ask if you are taking a rest?”

(I blink, as the boy has said it innocently but the comment seems directed at the fact I appear to be just stood there, despite the fact that I just stopped for a quick drink.)

Me: “Um, did your dad want cigarettes?”

Little Boy: “No, he said are you enjoying your rest!”

(The boy goes back around and returns a moment later.)

Little Boy: “Also, my daddy says he wants cigarettes.”

(I sighed and went round to serve him. The dad looked a bit sheepish, as he obviously didn’t intend for his son to relay his sarcastic comment/question!)

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The Tannoys Are Adjusting Their Sales Pitches

, , , , , | Working | August 13, 2019

(My store sells small helium balloons, already blown up, on plastic sticks. They’re quite popular with kids, and a lot of people give them to the kid to hold, who proceeds to lose the stick. As a result, the balloon just gets dumped. We have a random balloon, minus the stick, on the customer service desk. A manager tells us to just pop it and throw it away, since it won’t sell. My supervisor is generally quite serious and wouldn’t ever do anything silly in front of customers.)

Me: “You know, the last time [Manager] told us to pop one of these, [Coworker] did a tannoy announcement after inhaling the helium. It was brilliant.”

Supervisor: “Really? Did she not get in trouble?”

Me: “Nah, [Manager] found it hilarious and none of the customers seem to listen to the tannoy anyway…”

(I turn away to do something for a moment. When I turn around, [Supervisor] is inhaling the helium and trying to ring our HR manager. When the HR manager doesn’t pick up the phone, she inhales a big gulp of helium and does a tannoy announcement. A few minutes later, when I’ve stopped giggling, the HR manager wanders over.)

HR Manager: “What on earth was that?!”

(She found it funny, as well, and nobody got in trouble. Now, whenever I find a balloon, I ask if anybody would like to do a tannoy announcement before I pop it!)

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Carting You Off With The Rest Of The Criminals

, , , , , | Working | August 7, 2019

(Our store has to look out for people overloading their trolleys with high-value items. It’s known as a “trolley-push,” as they attempt to just go straight to the exit — without paying — with the trolley full of items, hoping that security won’t stop them. I have worked every Tuesday night for four years, and have gotten to know our regular customers. I can tell something is up, as the security guard appears to be following someone and a member of management is watching the security cameras. I wander over to the member of management to see if they need help.)

Me: “Hey, are you following someone?”

Management: “Yeah, he’s got a trolley full of stuff. We reckon he’s hiding some high-value stuff in there and will attempt to walk out the doors.”

Me: “Oh, well, I doubt he’ll walk out the doors since he’s [High-Ranking Manager] from [Our Supermarket Warehouse nearby].”

Management: “Um… What?”

Me: “Yeah, he’s got a big family, so every Tuesday he comes and does a massive food shop. He’s a really nice guy.”

Management: “Oh… Right… You can go back to the customer service desk now.”

(It turns out they thought the guy was really dodgy and wasted about half an hour following him. He told me a few weeks later that he could tell they were watching him, which he found wildly amusing, since he was technically senior to them in the company. He still comes in most Tuesdays to shop and say hello!)

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Sealed With A Lie

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(It is company policy not to return baby milk — both powdered and liquid — for safety reasons. Even if the seal is on the milk, we cannot guarantee it hasn’t been tampered with. This causes a few issues, as people get quite angry when they’re told we will not refund them for the milk. It should be noted that these products are sold in every supermarket and locally-owned corner shop. Also, the supermarket I work for puts security tags on their clothes disguised in the form of little cardboard tags that have the brand name on, and have security tags inside. My coworker deals with this lady.)

Customer: “Hi. I brought this baby milk and found the weirdest thing inside when I opened it! It’s quite dangerous in my opinion. Is it okay to get a refund?”

Coworker: “Well, it’s actually company policy not to return milk for any reason. What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “I found one of your security tags inside when I opened it!”

Coworker: “Er… Okay. So, the seal was broken already?”

Customer: “No, that’s the weird thing! The seal was intact. Here, I have my receipt for it.”

(My coworker rang a manager. Unfortunately, despite the fact she was obviously lying in order to get a refund, we couldn’t accuse her of it due to “keeping the customer happy.” The manager said to just refund it but to take down her details. I get that’s it’s annoying if you pick up the wrong milk and can’t get a refund. But at least come up with a plausible lie!)

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