That’s One Super Special Senior Special!

, , , , , | Right | September 16, 2019

(I am serving two elderly ladies. There is a senior special available on weekdays, but they are concerned that this is going to be too big a portion for them, so they are asking for recommendations.)

Me: “Well, I recommend the fish goujon starter to come as a main. It comes with a little salad, you could have some chips to share if you wanted, but the senior special comes with the dessert.”

Elderly Lady #1: “Oh! Fish goujons! That’s like them things you like, them, er… them chicken condoms!”

(I try not to react to her words because it is busy and I am almost sure I misheard her. Her friend speaks up.)

Elderly Lady #2: *to me* “Don’t worry, dear; that’s just what I call them.”

(I feel the blood rush to my cheeks and the ladies notice my reaction, but I can’t contain my giggles.)

Elderly Lady #1: “Oh, look, she’s blushing!”

Elderly Lady #2: “You’d think we were sex addicts, wouldn’t you?”

(At this I almost lost it, because about fifteen seconds before, honest to God, they were the kindest, sweetest ladies you could meet. We all had a giggle, so I put the order in and broke down with laughter in the kitchen. When I took their food, they brought it up again and I started up again. I never, ever expected it, but they were very self-aware about what they were saying!)

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This Method To Get Them Out Is The Daughter Of Invention

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2019

(After graduating university, I work in a slightly posh clothing concession in a department store in a small, but rather fancy town. The store closes at 5:30 pm and is absolutely closed at 6:00 pm, even if we have to politely remove the customers. One afternoon, a customer and her husband walk in at 5:00 pm and my heart sinks. After a while in retail, you recognise the type: extremely high-maintenance and full of their own importance. I do actually recognise the customers as acquaintances of my dad’s; they clearly don’t recognise me at all. I spend over an hour with the lady as she tries to squeeze into incorrectly chosen clothes while screaming and throwing tantrums. Both of them generally behave like d**ks. I’ve finally had enough and remind them of the the closing policy of the department store, pointing out that the whole store is waiting for them to leave. The husband uses the legendary phrase:)

Husband: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Yes, Mr. [Husband], I know exactly who you are. Do you know who I am? I am [My Name], and it’s so nice to see you again. I will be sure to pass your best on to my father.”

(I just wish I’d opened my mouth earlier. They left the store with a flurry of apologies, a complete change of attitude, and at super-speed! I did, of course, tell my dad about this man and his awful wife, but the difference in their attitude to me as the “shop person” and then as the daughter of someone they knew? Wow.)

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Unfiltered Story #117823

, , | Unfiltered | August 4, 2018

(I work in a restaurant as a waitress. I am just making drinks for a customer in our bar area when the phone rings. At this site, there are only 2 phones in the building, one in the restaurant itself in the bar area, and the other in our staff room where for managers to do office work with. Naturally,I answer the phone.)
Me: Good afternoon, [company], [my name] speaking, how can I help?
(The caller introduces themselves as one of those gas companies in Scotland. I suspended my disbelief as we are several hours away from Scotland, and let him finish his spiel.)
Me: I’m terribly sorry sir, but I am unable to handle this call as I am just the waitress. Our head office handles matters like this. I can give you their number –
Caller: No ma’am, I want your phone number.
(I pause for a moment and my colleague, who is the shift lead standing next to me, raises his eyebrows at me)
Me: I’m sorry sir, but I am NOT a manager OR the owner, I am not qualified to handle your call. I will give you our office number.
Caller: No, give me your number.
Me: No sir, I will NOT give you my number!
(My colleague now has his jaw dropped. The caller is getting insistent and I just hand the phone to my colleague. A few seconds after my colleague introduces himself, the caller hangs up.)
Colleague: What on earth was that about?
Me: Either I just got propositioned or I hit the one cold caller that was too much of an idiot to understand that I cannot deal with what he was selling.