How To Connect To The Printernet

, , , , | Right | April 6, 2011

(A customer calls in complaining that her internet wasn’t working. I begin walking through the troubleshooting steps.)

Me: “Is the modem plugged into the power outlet?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Is the modem connected to the cable jack? And, are the lights all on it?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And the modem is plugged directly into the computer?”

Caller: “Yes, with a USB cable.”

(About ten minutes pass of me trying to figure out the problem, to no avail.)

Caller: “I don’t understand it! Everything is plugged in right, the cable is connected to the modem, and the modem is plugged into the printer!”

Me: “Wait, the printer?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s plugged into the printer. The printer is plugged into the computer so it will go through it.”

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Sweet Candy, Bitter Purchase

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2010

(The grocery store has an ongoing deal where a gas coupon for 6 cents off per gallon prints at the bottom of the receipt. The minimum purchase is $30 before tax.)

Me: “Your total comes to $29.76 before tax.”

Customer: “It says it’s $30 there!”

Me: “That’s after tax, sir. The coupon won’t print out unless you spend $30 before tax. If you add a candy bar, maybe?”

Customer: “It says $30!”

(He pays for the groceries.)

Customer: “Where’s my coupon?”

Me: “Like I told you, it didn’t come to $30 before tax. I told you that if you add a candy bar onto it–”

Customer: “Well, ring me up for a candy bar and give me my coupon!”

Me: “It doesn’t work like that, sir. It has to be $30 all at once.”

Customer: “You’ve got extra coupons back here, don’t you!? Just give me an extra one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the coupons print at the bottom of receipts. We don’t have them to hand out. They will only print out when you purchase enough items.”

Customer: “Get me a coupon! I have a d*** candy bar!”

Me: “I can refund your entire order and then ring it up again with the candy bar. You’ll get the coupon that way, but your card might show a double charge for a brief period of time.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Do it!”

(I refund his entire purchase and then ring it up again, this time with a candy bar, putting his subtotal over $30. The 6-cent gas coupon prints out at the bottom. Satisfied, the man leaves.)

Coworker: “You know that guy doesn’t even own a car, right? He only has a bike.”


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