(One afternoon a customer walks in and orders a $3 item. He pays with a $5 bill and the coins needed to get a flat amount back. Before I can give him his change, he pulls three $1s out of his pocket.)

Customer: “I just realized I had these extra dollars on me. Think I could give you these then you could give me a $5 back?”

Me: “Not a problem.” *completes the transaction* “You know, this kind of looks like you spent $3, only to be given $5 and a drink.”

Customer: “What? How? Explain this to me.”

Me: “Ignoring the coins, your order was $3. You gave me $5, for $2 change. Then you handed me $3 so I combined them—”

Customer: “And I got my $5 back.”

Me: “And you got your $5 back.”

Customer: *laughs* “Okay. Tell me that one more time.”

(We ended up repeating this conversation three more times, the customer laughing harder each repeat. In the end, he thought it was amusing enough to let me keep the change!)

(I am finishing up an order at the drive-thru.)

Me: “And what would you like to drink with that?”

Customer: “Mountain Dew.”

Me: “We have Coke products, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay… Pepsi?”

(Our service desk is undergoing much needed renovations. One of the new things being built for us is a small closet to store extra cartons of cigarettes so we don’t have to run in back so often when we run out of a certain brand. The construction is very loud, and some of our customers are visibly upset, and I’m starting to get frustrated, too, since it’s making it difficult for me to communicate. After a while, a little old lady in her 80s approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. What are you building back there?”

Me: “I apologize about the noise; we’re building extra storage for cigarettes.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you were building a place to hide all the bodies of the rude customers!”

Me: *laughs* “Oh, ma’am, I wish!”

Customer: *smiles* “Keep up the good work, [My Name]!”

(Her encouragement lifted my spirits for the rest of my shift despite the noise. It’s nice that some people can be understanding.)

(I have just finished ringing up three adult women when one of them points to my name tag.)

Customer #1: “Hey, check out his name!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Customer #2: “Your name is [My Name]? That’s my son’s name, too.”

Me: “Heh. Sounds like you’ve got good taste in names.”

Customer #2: “Nah. That kid’s such an idiot. He’s three years old.”

Me: “…”

Related:
Named And Shamed, Part 7
Named And Shamed, Part 6
Named And Shamed, Part 5
Named And Shamed, Part 4
Named And Shamed, Part 3

(My sister is playing a video game when I hear a piano riff that plays when your in-game character dies.)

Me: “Did you just die?”

Sister: “Yup.”

Me: “It’s funny how I’ve already learned to recognize the sound of you dying.” *brief pause* “That sounds really creepy when you take it out of context.”