I work at a coffee shop chain that allows customers to buy 5.5 gallons of either black coffee or hot chocolate in a reusable cambro that the customer brings back to us when they are done. 

A customer who owns a business in the same strip mall as our coffee shop asks for the cambro of hot chocolate for her salon. This customer isn’t the nicest person we’ve ever worked with but usually responds pretty well to our general manager. She picks up the hot chocolate cambro at 5:00 pm and we don’t think anything of it.

The next morning, she comes storming into our store.

Customer: “Where is [General Manager]?! I demand to talk to him!”

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, he is not scheduled today. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You sold me curdled hot chocolate. I can’t serve that!”

Confused, I find my assistant store manager who is working and was the one who sold her the cambro the night before.

Assistant Store Manager: “Ma’am, the hot chocolate was fine when we gave it to you last night. I made it myself. Can you tell us what happened?”

The woman tells us that she bought the cambro full of hot chocolate with the intention of serving it the next day. She literally left a pressurized cambro of hot chocolate out all night. The milk obviously went bad and, due to the pressure, the lid exploded off and curdled hot chocolate went EVERYWHERE in her salon.

Until we can get a hold of her general manager, our assistant store manager agrees to send one of our team members down to the woman’s salon to help her clean it up. It is all over the walls, furniture, and floor, and it smells TERRIBLE.

Per my team member, the woman keeps saying things like, “I don’t understand why it exploded. You should be able to keep milk out overnight with no problem!” As none of us know any non-sarcastic way to explain to this woman that, just like you can’t keep a gallon of milk on a counter unrefrigerated, you certainly can’t keep 5.5 gallons of hot chocolate out overnight, we keep quiet until our general manager calls us back.

General Manager: “SHE DID WHAT?!”

Our general manager ended up calling the woman and explaining why the cambro exploded and that she couldn’t yell at his employees. We aren’t allowed to sell her any more cambros of anything.

We have had a new counselor start with our agency who is one of the most socially awkward people I have ever met. She asks inappropriate questions, talks about weird topics, and is just generally odd.

Our agency has two separate locations that meet weekly for meetings. My husband works on one team and I work on the other. We are very conscious about not showing that we are together and at the max, we occasionally sit next to each other. While we don’t just come out and tell new hires we are married, most people figure it out due to us having the same last name.

The new hire is in our boss’s office when I walk by and she asks me a question.

New Hire: “Hey, [My Name], are you and [My Husband] having an affair?”

I stop and for a moment I’m unsure what to say. My boss is momentarily stunned, as well. I finally manage a response.

Me: “Uh, no. We’re actually married. To each other.”

[New Hire] thinks for a moment.

New Hire: “Oh, okay. That makes a lot more sense. I saw you sitting next to each other at the meeting.”

My boss was trying really hard not to laugh and waved me out of her office. I heard her telling [New Hire] that that was a “completely inappropriate” thing to ask.

My husband found it hysterical, as did our coworkers. I’ve been asked many times if my husband and I are together, but never like that!

I am stocking an aisle in the grocery store. Our store has a small cafe where children aged five and under eat for free. I overhear a mother talking to her young son.

Mother: “Remember, [Son], we’re pretending you’re five, okay?”

Son: “But, Mommy, I’m six!”

Mother: “Yes, but let’s pretend, okay?”

Son: “Does this mean I don’t need to go to school tomorrow?”

Mother: “What? No! Of course, you need to go to school.”

Son: “But six-year-olds go to school. Five-year-olds stay home and play!”

Mother: “Well, tomorrow, you’ll be six.”

Son: “So, tomorrow is my birthday?!”

Mother: “What? No—”

Son: “Yay! Presents!”

She paid for his meal.

I work in a call center for a company that mostly sells vitamins and supplements among other things. On a very slow day, I receive this call. 

Caller: *Loudly* “Where are you guys located?”

Me: “In North Dakota, sir.”

Caller: “Where the h*** is that? Never heard of no North Dakoteeeee.”

Me: “It’s south of Canada, between Montana and Minnesota.”

Caller: “Oh, you’re in Mexico, then? I don’t want no non-white people talking to me.”

Me: “Uh, no, sir. Wrong border. We’re in the northern plain states of the United States. Mexico is south of the United States. Canada is north.”

Caller: “Bull. This is not what this map says. It says Mexico is north and Canadeeeee is south.”

Me: “I apologize, sir, but it’s just the opposite. Could your map possibly be upside down?”

Caller: “I know what I’m talking about. F*** you… you [slur] moron! I’m never calling Mexico again. Bye, b****!”

After he hung up, I went on break. I couldn’t stop laughing and shaking my head.

(It’s early in the day and fairly slow. I’m manning the till while my coworker is preparing trays of pizza dough just a few feet away. A man dressed in business attire walks into the shop and approaches my till, endlessly jabbering on his phone. He thrusts a coupon for a free one-topping slice at me, but says nothing apart from continuing his phone conversation.)

Me: *quietly, turning to my coworker* “It’s a policy of mine to ignore customers if they’re on their phone.”

Coworker: “Yeah, me, too.”

(I remain at the till but say nothing to the man, waiting for him to, at the very least, swivel his phone from his face for the half a second it would take to say whatever topping he wants on his slice. But alas, he continues his phone conversation like we’re not even there. I continue to stand in silence, just waiting, for a good three minutes at least, still holding the coupon, and I haven’t touched the order screen at all.)

Me: *turning to my coworker* “Dude, this is getting awkward.”

Coworker: *nods*

(Finally, the man takes a moment away from his super important phone call.)

Customer: “Are we about ready to go here, or what?”

Coworker: “Yeah, we’re just waiting on you.”

Me: “Whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “Oh, uh, I’ll have pepperoni.” *returns to phone call*

(We made him his pepperoni slice, but we took our time and made sure to put it in the oven that cooks slower.)