Fix The Google! Fix All Of The Google!

, , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I am a scheduler at a busy medical clinic.)

Me: “Good afternoon. This is [My Name]. Thank you for calling [Clinic]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Is this [Doctor]’s office?”

Me: “Yes. Do you need to make an appointment?”

Caller: “How much are your light boxes?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “For light therapy! I Googled light boxes, and [Doctor]’s name came up!”

Me: “We’re a medical clinic. We don’t sell light boxes.”

Caller: “Do you know where I can get one?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Well, you need to fix Google, then!”

(I’m pretty sure the doctor in question isn’t even one known for light box therapy!)

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Take That Comeback Straight To The Bank

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2018

(I work at the service desk at a moderately-sized grocery chain. We offer many services, including check cashing and money orders. I have an older woman approach me asking for a money order. She hands me some fifties; our policy is that we need to check fifties and higher to make sure they’re not counterfeit. The woman doesn’t like this and gets very insecure.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re doing this! I just came here from the bank!”

Me: *as politely as possible* “Ma’am, it’s Sunday. The banks are closed.”

(Her face turned red and she was silent for the rest of the transaction. She had no reason to be insecure, either; all of her money was real. I printed her money order and she went on her way.)

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Keep The Change, However Much It Is

, , , , , | Right | July 22, 2018

(One afternoon a customer walks in and orders a $3 item. He pays with a $5 bill and the coins needed to get a flat amount back. Before I can give him his change, he pulls three $1s out of his pocket.)

Customer: “I just realized I had these extra dollars on me. Think I could give you these then you could give me a $5 back?”

Me: “Not a problem.” *completes the transaction* “You know, this kind of looks like you spent $3, only to be given $5 and a drink.”

Customer: “What? How? Explain this to me.”

Me: “Ignoring the coins, your order was $3. You gave me $5, for $2 change. Then you handed me $3 so I combined them—”

Customer: “And I got my $5 back.”

Me: “And you got your $5 back.”

Customer: *laughs* “Okay. Tell me that one more time.”

(We ended up repeating this conversation three more times, the customer laughing harder each repeat. In the end, he thought it was amusing enough to let me keep the change!)

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Dew You Even Drink, Bro?

, , , | Right | May 7, 2018

(I am finishing up an order at the drive-thru.)

Me: “And what would you like to drink with that?”

Customer: “Mountain Dew.”

Me: “We have Coke products, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay… Pepsi?”

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Some Body Agrees

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(Our service desk is undergoing much needed renovations. One of the new things being built for us is a small closet to store extra cartons of cigarettes so we don’t have to run in back so often when we run out of a certain brand. The construction is very loud, and some of our customers are visibly upset, and I’m starting to get frustrated, too, since it’s making it difficult for me to communicate. After a while, a little old lady in her 80s approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. What are you building back there?”

Me: “I apologize about the noise; we’re building extra storage for cigarettes.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you were building a place to hide all the bodies of the rude customers!”

Me: *laughs* “Oh, ma’am, I wish!”

Customer: *smiles* “Keep up the good work, [My Name]!”

(Her encouragement lifted my spirits for the rest of my shift despite the noise. It’s nice that some people can be understanding.)

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