The Number One Thing You Can Do With A Cat

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 1, 2018

(My boyfriend has stayed the night at my house. I leave for my morning class. I expect him to still be asleep when I get home, but he meets me at the door, looking frazzled.)

Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “Uh… What?”

Boyfriend: “I accidentally peed on your cat.”

(Turns out, my “helper” cat heard water running in the bathroom and, investigating the splashing noise in the toilet, ended up in the line of fire. My boyfriend calmed down when I explained that [Cat] repeatedly jumped into the toilet as a kitten and that was why I always keep the lid down.)

Someone’s Gonna Pay On Valentine’s Day

, , , , | Working | February 26, 2018

My boyfriend calls a restaurant to make a dinner reservation for us for Valentine’s Day. When we get there, the restaurant is packed, and there are a bunch of people waiting right inside the door.

My husband goes up to the host and says we have a reservation. He confirms our name and tells us that they don’t typically take reservations for Valentine’s Day, but the guy who took it was new and didn’t know that. He says that since they took the reservation, they will honor it, so they show us to a table right away. We get some dirty looks.

I know it wasn’t our fault, but with all those people waiting, we felt kind of bad.

Daddy’s Little Monster

, , , , , | Right | February 26, 2018

(I’ve just finished ringing up a teenage girl.)

Me: “Thank you. The bottom of your receipt has a survey. Fill that out for a chance to win a $250 gift card.”

Girl: “Why would I do that when I could just ask Daddy for money?”

Me: “I don’t know?”

Girl: “Exactly.” *flounces off with Waiakea water and Prada purse*

Unfiltered Story #105956

, , | Unfiltered | February 23, 2018

(Was working out in the gym. There were two ladies on exercise bikes and one guy seemed a little too interested.)

*guy approaches two women working out, with flirtatious eyebrows at the ready*

Woman 1: UH you might not want to come over here, dude. I just farted. It’s bad.

Guy: *looks horrified. leaves.*

Woman 2: OMG… did you really?

Woman 1: Psh. No.

Unfiltered Story #105954

, | Unfiltered | February 23, 2018

My brother told me this story after getting home from rock climbing with a friend. The friend’s mom was driving and they were passing a popular pizza place, which the friend’s 3-year-old brother really liked.

3-year-old: *jumping in seat and pointing* Mama? Mama?? Mama!! MAMA!!! MAAAAMAAAAA!!!!!

Everyone ignores him and he watches as they pass.

3-year-old: *shrugs* Ok

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