What A Yutzi

, , , , , | Right | May 30, 2017

(My mother and I are standing in line at a local deli. The man in front of us has a young son, maybe 6 years old, with him.)

Son: *pointing to the gefilte fish in the display cooler* “Daddy! What’s that?!”

Customer: “Oh, that. That’s just Jew Food. You don’t need that nasty Jew Food.”

My Mother: *gasps* “Excuse me! That’s a very bad example you are setting for your son, sir!”

Customer: *rolls his eyes* “Ooh, and I suppose you’re a Jew, aren’t you?”

My Mother: “No, I’m a Christian but I take offense to that because my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ… he was Jewish.”

(The man turned bright red and left right away with his son. The cashier told us that the man was a regular and was always saying offensive and/or racist things. Now we are the regulars at this deli. We’ve never seen that guy in there again.)

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Understaffed But Not Understood

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 3, 2014

(On the day before Father’s Day, with a huge sale going on, the coworker who is supposed to come in to work with me doesn’t show up. I am swamped and can’t answer any phone calls. I just stay at the counter ringing people up. We are so busy that I don’t have time to call any of my coworkers to see if they can come in to cover the shift. There is only about half an hour until two other coworkers are coming in, so I just do my best until then. With a line about ten customers long, a customer comes storming up to the register and interrupts the conversation I’m having with the customer currently at my register.)

Customer: “I need some help! Where is the employee who should be working the sales floor right now?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but no one else is here right now. If you’ll kindly wait in line, I’d be glad to help you shortly.”

Customer: “What?! This is outrageous! You should have more than one person working! Everyone knows that is just good business!”

Me: “Unfortunately, there was a scheduling mix-up. I’m the only one here right now.”

Customer: “But I need one of you to help me find something! What am I supposed to do? That’s what you all get paid to do! I am very busy and I need to get my Father’s Day gifts bought! I don’t have all day! Really, on a holiday, you should have more than one person working!”

(Since the customer isn’t listening to me, I just turn back to serving the line at the counter. I finish the next customer, and try to explain the schedule issue again, but she’s not having any of it. One of our regular customers is standing nearby at a sale table and finally speaks up.)

Regular Customer: “Ma’am, what is wrong with your hearing? She just explained to you that her coworker didn’t show up! I think she’s doing a remarkable job handling all of this by herself. You are just making things worse!”

Customer: “All I need is to see if they have these items in stock! Can’t she see I am in a hurry?”

Regular Customer: “As are most of us. It’s a busy holiday at a popular store. What do you expect? When people don’t show up to do their jobs it makes it harder on the rest of their coworkers, especially when there’s only one other person working!”

Customer: “But—”

Regular Customer: “Now, I don’t work here, but I shop here often. In favor of giving everyone in line and this poor employee a break, I’m going to help you find what you need. But only so you leave us all alone!”

(I thank the regular and the two disappear into the back of the store. The customers in line make some comments. A moment later, the original customer storms to the front and out the door. I turn to the regular customer as she returns.)

Me: “What happened?”

Regular Customer: “You didn’t have the item she wanted. Her sale flyer was for the bookstore down the street.”

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It’s Breast To Let Mom Explain

, , , , , | Related | November 20, 2013

(I’m abnormally gifted in the chest area. I’m also pregnant. My friend is trying to explain to her four-year-old son that I’m going to have a baby.)

Friend: *pointing at my belly* “She has a baby in there. See how big her belly is getting?”

Friend’s Son: *pointing at my chest* “Does she have baby in there, too?”

Needs To Press Paws

, , , , , | | Right | April 29, 2013

(I am cashier at a pet store. I see a man walk into the store, pick up a large and expensive coffee table book on show dogs, and get in my line. My manager has warned me, and shown me a picture of this man. He tries to convince cashiers to give him a refund for items he has just stolen. I immediately page my manager, who, unbeknownst to me, is tied up with a minor medical emergency in the back of the store.)

Thief: “I want to return this item.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Thief: “No.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Without a receipt, I cannot give you a refund.”

Thief: “Give me a refund.”

Me: “Sir, I watched you pick that book up when you came in. I know you did not buy it.”

Thief: “Give me the f****** money, or I’ll kick your a**.”

(Most of the customers in my line start backing away.)

Me: “Sir, I cannot give you any money, and if you leave with that item I will call the police. Please leave the store.”

Thief: “You little a**-hole!”

(The thief grabs the front of my shirt, and rears his arm back to punch me. I throw my arms up to shield my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of movement. The next thing I see is a spatter of blood on my counter, and the man out cold on the floor with a bloody nose. My manager, with a paramedic from the earlier emergency, walks up.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

(As I tell my story, an assistant manager calls the police, opens another line, and checks out the waiting customers. The paramedic starts checking on the man, who has a clearly broken nose. The man slowly regains consciousness, and points to me.)

Thief: “She assaulted me! I’m going to sue!”

(I talk to the police.)

Me: “He grabbed me, but I never hit him. I don’t know how he got hurt!”

(The man, a known criminal, is handcuffed and put in the police car. The officers and my manager go to review the security cameras. About ten minutes later, I get called to come back to the office.)

Manager: “You have got to watch this!”

(The camera footage clearly showed the man getting the book, getting in line, arguing with me, and then grabbing my shirt. At that moment, the customer in line after him, a tiny, middle-aged Asian woman, leaped up, grabbed the hair on the back of his head, slammed his face into my counter, and then calmly stepped back to where she had been standing. She did it so quickly that we have to run the footage back on slow to see exactly what she had done. After the thief was out cold, she walked over to the new line that the assistant manager opened, bought her bag of cat food with cash, and left without a word. Apparently, the other customers either didn’t see what she did, or decided to keep their mouths shut. We have no idea who she was, and we never saw her again. The thief was charged with assault on me, and arrested. Wherever you are, lady, thanks! You’re my personal superhero!)

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It Took A Fever To Make Him A Believer

, , , , , | | Working | February 13, 2013

(In the after-school program where I used to work, we would hold mini-camps, with field trips and such, during school holidays. One of my former coworkers who was amazing in his job has recently become one of my bosses, but this has had an adverse effect on his reactions. This happens during spring break on a field trip when I see one of my kids lying on a bench.)

Me: “[Child], what’s wrong?”

Child: “I’m tired.”

Me: “Are you okay?”

Child: “I don’t feel well. I’m tired.”

Me: *to my boss* “Something is wrong with [Child]. He won’t eat his lunch.”

Boss: “He’s just mad because we had to get off the playground to eat lunch.”

Me: “Uh, no. Something is wrong. This is not [Child].”

Boss: “He’s fine; he’s just upset.”

Me: “I work with [Child]. This is NOT like him. I’ve NEVER seen him act like this.”

Boss: “Nothing’s wrong with him. He’s just throwing a temper tantrum.”

(I finally cave and figure my boss has been doing this much longer than I have and knows better than I.)

Me: *to the child* “Come on, dude. You need to stop acting like this and eat.”

Child: “I don’t feel well.”

(We board the bus to head back. Just as we’ve return to our main location…)

Me: “[Child], come on! We’ve got to get inside.”

Bus Driver: “Something’s wrong with him. He’s sick.”

Me: “That’s what I told [Boss], but he said he was just pitching a fit.”

Bus Driver: “I felt his forehead when we got back on the bus. It was burning.”

(I realize the error of my ways in not trusting my judgement.)

Me: “I’ve got to get inside with them. I’ll send someone to come get him.

(As I run to catch up with the group, I see a coworker, [Coworker #1], on the sidewalk.)

Me: *to Coworker #1* “[Child] is on the bus. He’s not feeling well. Can you try to get him off?”

(I arrive in the building and see another coworker, [Coworker #2], who I know is the child’s favorite counselor and happens to be the boss’ brother.)

Me: *to Coworker #2* “Dude! [Child] is on the bus. Something is wrong with him. I just sent [Coworker #1], but he likes you. Can you go try to get him?”

(Coworker #2 runs to the bus and returns moments later, carrying the child. By now, my boss has joined us in the building.)

Coworker #2: “SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HIM!”

([Coworker #1] and my boss get a thermometer and take his temperature. He has a high fever. My boss goes to call the child’s mother and I hang around, even though my shift is over just to help keep an eye on him. Then, after everything is taken care of…)

Me: *to my boss* “I told you something was wrong.”

Boss: “Well, how was I supposed to know? I thought he was just throwing a fit.”

Me: “I work with him everyday. I have never seen him get like that, even when he’s mad. He is one of our most active children and so it’s not like him to just lie down and not even play.”

Boss: “Well—”

Me: “You’ve lost touch with your roots. That desk job has changed you. You, of all people, should know that we know our kids.”

(I later found out that [Coworker #2] had the same conversation with him at home that night, and my boss admitted he was wrong. After that, with a little more prodding from [Coworker #2] and me, my boss finally started giving us benefit of the doubt.)

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