Having A Grand(mother) Old Time

, , , | | Friendly | May 21, 2019

(I’m doing a grocery run with my ten-month-old daughter, and a middle-aged woman takes a peek at her sitting in the stroller. I also have a babyface.)

Middle-Aged Woman: “Oh, what a cutie! And look at those little shoes!”

Me: “Yep, Grandma has good taste!”

(I head to the ice cream aisle to find my husband and the woman catches up to me again.)

Middle-Aged Woman: “Excuse me, did you say the baby is your grandchild?”

Me: “Oh, no, she’s my daughter. Her grandmother that bought her shoes lives near Boston.”

Middle-Aged Woman: *visibly relieved* “Oh! I was thinking you would have to have gotten pregnant at twelve for her to be your grandchild!”

Me: “Well, I’m almost forty, so I’m technically old enough to have grandkids.”

(The woman gave me the biggest deer-in-headlights look and beat a hasty retreat.)

Unfiltered Story #151054

, , | | Unfiltered | May 18, 2019

(It’s a pretty normal day when a clearly pregnant customer comes up to the counter.  She has already gotten her food, and seems incredibly urgent.)

Woman: “Hey, hi, this is going to be a really weird and stupid request but do you have olive oil?”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that’s totally fine, we have little olive oil packets that we use for salads, but I’m not sure if they’re free–”

Woman: “I’ll pay, it’s fine–”

Me: “Let me just ask my manager….”

(My manager happens to walk out at that exact moment.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “Are the olive oil packets free?”

Manager: “Oh, yeah, let me grab you some…”

(My manager walks away to get the olive oil.)

Woman: “Seriously, I’m sorry, I know it’s crazy and weird…”

Me: “You’re totally fine, it’s my job to help you.”

Woman: “Yes, but really, you have no idea!  Savor your youth sweetie, oh my goodness he’s back!”

(My manager returns with three different types of olive oil packets, which the customer gleefully snatches up.)

Woman: “I’ll take all of them, thank you so much, really, you have no idea!”

(She seems satisfied with the rest of her meal and smiles on the way out.  I’ve had customers with pregnancy cravings, but olive oil lady is my funniest.  To olive oil lady, I hope your baby was born healthy!)

Large Expectations

, , , | | Right | May 16, 2019

(My main position is in soft serve, but I can help out cashiering if I’m needed.)

Customer: *orders two small cones*

Coworker: “[My Name], can you pass out two small cones for me?”

Me: “No problem!” *opens the drive-thru window*

Customer: *enraged* “Oh, no, honey, those cones are too small!”

Me: “Ma’am, you did order two small cones.”

Boss: “[My Name], bring them back. I’ll handle this.” *makes cones and weighs them to make sure they are the right size and then hands them out*

Customer: “They’re too—“

Boss: “I weighed them and they are the correct size.”

Customer: *disgruntled but takes the cones and leaves*

Me: “Don’t they realize they ordered small cones?!”

Making A Meal Out Of Payment

, , , , , , | | Working | May 16, 2019

(I am a shift manager for a popular fast food restaurant. I am in the drive-thru taking cash, and I have an assistant with me. Our store has recently been fitted with “tap to pay” card readers.)

Customer: *pulls up to the window*

Me: “Hi! Did you have the [meal]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(He hands me his card and I notice that it is a PayPal card with a “tap to pay” symbol on it; it’s the first one I have seen since the card readers were upgraded. On a whim, I tap the card against the reader, assuming nothing will happen. Imagine my surprise when the payment goes through and my assistant and I are excited and amazed.)

Me: “Holy s***! It actually worked!”

Assistant: “Whoa, that’s cool.”

(I return the card after finishing the transaction and we finish the order, still talking about it with the customer.)

Me: *after the customer leaves* “We are just a bunch of nerds.”

Reading Into The Sad State Of The Film Scene

, , , , , | | Right | May 9, 2019

(I’m buying a movie ticket.)

Me: “One for Pan’s Labyrinth.”

Attendant: “Ma’am, are you aware that this movie is in Spanish and subtitled throughout?”

Me: “Yes.” *pause* “Why? Have you had complaints?”

Attendant: *nods slowly* “Oh, yes.”

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