The Data Is Gone And So Is Her Restraint

, , , , , | Related | August 14, 2018

(We have an Internet package that gives us a set amount of data per month. It sucks, but it’s the only one available in our rural area. One morning, I realize that the data is already halfway gone, despite it just being the beginning of the month. I wake up my younger sisters:)

Me: “Hey, [Sister #1], [Sister #2], have you been watching videos again?”

Sister #1: “Nope.”

Sister #2: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, the data is already halfway gone.”

([Sister #2] screams angrily, takes out her own laptop, and starts to pull up random apps and network tracers that she downloaded during her little “hacker” phase.)

Sister #2: “I FOUND IT! SOME A**HOLE ACROSS THE STREET IS MOOCHING OUR WI-FI!”

Me: “So, now what?”

Sister #2: *laughs* “I’m going to give them h***.”

(I don’t know what she did, but our Wi-Fi has been running smoother since.)

Acting Shady At The Airport

, , , , , | Friendly | August 7, 2018

(I’m a customer, flying out on a Tuesday morning. I’ve driven to the airport, parked in a long-term lot, and am now standing in line for the security checkpoint. I’m idly people-watching when I notice a woman wearing these really long sandals basically made out of lots of straps. It strikes me as pretty impractical footwear for traveling, so I give her a closer look… only to recognize her horizontally-striped shirt and bleached blonde hair from someone who sped past me very aggressively on the highway before I arrived. She’s also wearing large sunglasses inside the airport, so I call her Shades. She finishes checking a bag at the counter and walks over to join the security queue, roughly a dozen people behind me, only to pull out her phone and begin speaking very loudly:)

Shades: “OH, NO, MOM, THIS IS AWFUL. IT’S A CATASTROPHE! MY PLANE IS GOING TO LEAVE SOON WITHOUT ME, AND THERE ARE LIKE EIGHT HUNDRED PEOPLE IN LINE IN FRONT OF ME!”

(A quick count suggests roughly forty people in the line. This is not a bad security queue. I begin exchanging amused and disbelieving glances with the people nearby.)

Shades: “MOM, THEY’RE GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT ME! I CAN’T MAKE IT IN TIME WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME! THIS IS SO TERRIBLE! WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE HERE?! THIS AIRPORT IS AWFUL; IT’S NOTHING LIKE NEW YORK!”

(She’s now getting looks from all over the line, but doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.)

Shades: “I’M GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT, AND IT’LL COST ME AN EXTRA 100 DOLLARS, AND I’LL BE STUCK HERE IN THIS STUPID CITY!”

(I can’t help but laugh. She shuts up for a little while, and then gets back on her phone.)

Shades: *still shouting* “HI THERE, [OTHER RELATIVE]. IT’S AWFUL; I’M GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT! IT BOARDS SOON AND THERE ARE LIKE FORTY PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME IN THE SECURITY LINE. I CALLED MOM, BUT SHE WOULDN’T GIVE ME ANY SYMPATHY. SHE SAYS CHARLOTTE IS A NICE CITY AND DOESN’T CARE THAT I’LL BE STUCK HERE!”

(Don’t worry, Shades; we care. We’re all hoping you’ll hurry home; it’s just your mother who doesn’t want you back.)

Not Really A Stand-Up Customer

, , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

A woman came into my store while I was working alone and walked to the back of the store to sit down on our couch. She had no obvious handicap.

She then had me run around the store and bring her all of the “gray shirts” we had in her size while squinting, pointing, and shouting at or for things she wanted from her seat on the couch.

Then, she looked through all the various tops I found her, many of which she did not like, and had me find more vaguely-described items…

She didn’t even get up to pay.

Unfiltered Story #117844

, | Unfiltered | August 7, 2018

(I was having internet issues, so I went to my brother to see if he was having them too. Keep in mind that, while I am no expert in technology, I have gained a considerable amount of knowledge from both personal experience and other people with certification. Short form, I know what I’m talking about. My brothers knowledge of computers comes from using cell phones pretty much his hole life, as well as using a laptop here and there. He has also never researched anything about tech, either.)
Me: “Hey, are you guys having internet problems?”
Brother: “I mean, it’s running slow but not really. What do you have opened?”
Me: “I have Team Talk opened to talk with friends, Skype to text one of them, and YouTube because I’m listening to music.”
Brother: “That’s the problem, because YouTube is hogging all the WiFi.”
Me: “No, because -”
Brother: “Yes, because YouTube hogs a lot of WiFi to play those videos.”
Me: “Yes, that’s true, on phones. Because -”
Brother: “No, that’s bulls***, it will take a lot of WiFi regardless. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”
Me: *Getting angry* “If you’d shut up for a second, I could prove my point and tell you why.”
Brother: “You can try to prove your point all you want, the point is that it’s going to take up a lot of WiFi.”
(I kept trying to prove my point, but he kept cutting me off and eventually I screamed at him. He threw something at me and hurt my shoulder, and at that point I decided to back off a bit. However, I didn’t leave without saying one more thing.)
Me: “I can ask my friend who has certification, and he’ll tell you the same thing.”
Brother: “Big deal. They can have certification to suck d*** better than me, doesn’t mean they can.”
(I decided to contact my friend about it.)
Me: “So, my brother just told me that YouTube is going to hog WiFi all the time constantly, regardless if you’re on a phone or not.”
Friend: “Well, that is sort of true.”
Me: “Yes, but see here’s the point I was trying to make. Sense a computer has more memory, it can load the videos and store them, so it only wastes internet until the video is stored in memory. After that, you can listen to the video even if you aren’t connected to the internet, and thus it won’t take anymore WiFi until you leave the page and load another video or the same one again. Phones don’t have the memory nor the hard drive space to do that, so they’re constantly streaming the videos.”
(It turns out I was right. I also told them how he kept cutting me off so that I wouldn’t have a chance to prove that I was right, and how he basically said that he knows more than someone with certification. We spent the next 10 minutes laughing about his stupidity, and he could hear my entire half of the conversation. When I basically encouraged him to come in and talk to my friend, he sat there and did nothing, just like I knew he would. Later I closed YouTube and Skype, and turned WiFi off on all my devices except the one I was using. The internet was still bad. The fact of the matter is, even if YouTube did take a lot of WiFi, which it does in some circumstances, normal networks are able to handle that.)

Yay, Cancer Sticks!

, , , , | Friendly | August 6, 2018

(My friend and I are at the gas station to get fountain drinks and cigarettes. When my turn comes up at the counter, I ask for my specific brand. Note that I am very sleep-deprived and so my filter, which isn’t much to begin with, is completely gone.)

Me: “Just this and a pack of [Cigarettes], please.”

(The cashier goes to look and doesn’t find them.)

Cashier: “Sorry, we don’t have them in.”

Me: “Well, s***. Oops, I mean… Actually, no. ‘S***’ sounds right. That is exactly what I mean.”

(My friend and the cashier laugh at me. As I look at the cigarettes behind her to decide what to get instead, the cashier looks thoughtful and asks me to hang on a minute. She goes to check behind another type of cigarette from the same brand, and finds the ones I’m looking for.)

Cashier: “We had them on promo before, so to make room I guess they moved them behind the others.”

Me: “Yay! You saved the day! I mean, you’re selling me something that is known to cause cancer, but the [Day] is saved!”

(She and my friend laugh at me again, and I finish paying and we walk out.)

Friend: *while laughing* “What the h*** is wrong with you?”

Me: “I DON’T SLEEP!”

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