Making A Sight Improvement

, , , , , | | Right | May 27, 2019

(I am working with a friend who has a table at a HUGE local farmer’s market. I’m a woman in my early 20s, and I am decked out in a T-shirt and an old, dirty pair of overalls. Mostly I am giving advice on planting and helping customers with their purchases. Right in front of our table are a pair of exhausted-looking young parents with their SCREAMING two-year-old in tow. She keeps tugging away from them and running off into the crowd. Filthy farmer girl that I am, I go up to them and ask…)

Me: “Mind if I take her off your hands?” *wink* “I could use an extra pair of hands mucking stables.”

Father: “Sure! She’s all yours.”

Mother: *nods*

(I pick up the child and start walking away from the parents slowly. They can still fully see me, but the child can’t see them. After a few yards, she starts shrieking and reaching towards where she last saw her parents. I put her down and watch her race back to them and hold both of their hands tightly, no longer fussing about anything.)

Both Parents: *mouthing* “Thank you.”

(I gave them a nod and they continued shopping, in peace.)

Unfiltered Story #151811

, , | | Unfiltered | May 26, 2019

Customer: “Does the cinnamon roll have cinnamon in it?”

Me: *facepalm*

The Less Spayed About That The Better

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2019

(I’m working at a small, nonprofit, no-kill animal shelter. All animals are spayed or neutered before being adopted. Most of our dogs are mixed breeds of some kind.)

Customer: “Do you have any male [rare, specific breed of dog]?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I don’t think that’s a breed we see here very often, if at all. Maybe [something similar]?”

Customer: “No, it has to be [specific breed]. I’m looking for a male to match with my female so they can have puppies.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Even if we did have one, all of our animals are spayed or neutered before being adopted, so you wouldn’t be able to breed them.”

Customer: “But what if I wanted him to keep his penis?”

(I debated explaining how neutering works — that the penis is not actually removed — but ultimately decided that it wouldn’t be a productive conversation and let it go.)

Must Have Been Dreaming Of Puppies During Math

, , , | | Right | May 23, 2019

(I’m working at an animal shelter. The really young puppies — typically two to three months — are kept separate from the adult dogs. A woman comes out of the puppy area, approaches me, and tells me she has a puppy on hold to adopt.)

Customer: “Do you have any younger puppies?”

Me: *knows that the litter of puppies back there is two months old* “No. Two months is the youngest that we typically adopt out.”

Customer: “But it’s not like a baby baby puppy.”

Me: “Well…”

Customer: “I mean, not like a nine-week-old puppy.”

Me: “Actually, nine weeks is a little older than two months.”

Unfiltered Story #151736

, , | | Unfiltered | May 23, 2019

(I wish I could say discussions like this didn’t happen often…)

Customer: I’ll take chocolate chip pancakes, please.

Me:  Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have chocolate chip pancakes.

Customer: What?  Well, can’t you just take chocolate chips and put them in pancakes?

Me: *briefly dumbfounded* N…no, I’m sorry, we don’t have chocolate chips at ALL.

(I still don’t understand how she didn’t realize that doing that would make them chocolate chip pancakes, which I just explained we didn’t have!)

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