Not Addressing The Readiness Issue

, , , , | Right | March 27, 2018

(Many of our customers are older and need a little extra instruction for basic tasks, like how to visit a website.)

Me: “Go ahead and open up your Internet. Let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll g—”

Customer: “I’m ready.”

Me: “—ive you the addr—”

Customer: “I’M READY!”

Me: “—ess to… Okay, great! That address is www—”

Customer: “Hang on, hang on! I need to find the box!”

Your Inability To Listen Is At Large

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I work at a “snoball” stand that’s pretty popular in the south. We have over 100 flavors. Pumpkin spice is one of the flavors, but no one really orders it unless it is fall, even though we have the flavor all year round.)

Customer: “Can I get a pumpkin ‘snoball’ with condensed milk?”

Me: “Sure, what size?”

Customer: “Condensed milk.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “Pumpkin.”

Manager: *to me* “We’ll just give her a medium.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.50.”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be $3.50, because I ordered a large.”

(At least she was honest about the price.)

Haven’t Got The Balls To Eat Them

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I am a guy in my early 20s. My mother, her friend, and I get lunch at the restaurant where my roommate works. He is our waiter and comes to take our order.)

Friend: “I can’t remember the word for it, but I’d like the octopus testicles.”

Waiter: “The what?”

Friend: “You know, octopus testicles!”

Waiter: “Um…”

Mom: *laughs*

Me: *poker face*

Friend: “What? You know what I’m talking about. Octopus testicles!”

Waiter: “Uh…”

(This continues on for half a dozen requests for octopus “testicles.” I’m trying, and utterly failing, to contain laughter. My mom is close to busting a rib, and my roommate is silently standing there with an extremely uncomfortable look on his face.)

Mom: *whispers in her friend’s ear*

Friend: *eyes popping out* “Oh! Oh, no!”

Mom: “She wants the calamari.”

(She thought she was saying “tentacles.”)

Make Ireland Great Again

, , , | Right | March 21, 2018

(I am working checkout when a grumpy-looking customer approaches. She eyes my Celtic knot necklace.)

Customer: *suspiciously* “What does your necklace mean?”

Me: “Um, I don’t think it means anything.”

Customer: “So, you don’t know what it means.”

Me: “I mean, it’s a Celtic knot.”

Customer: “Celtic? Is that like the KKK?”

Me: “What? No! No! Celtic! As in, Irish?”

Customer: “Oh.” *still looks like she doesn’t believe me*

Minimum Wage, Minimum Effort

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(I work at a convenience store and gas station that has 20 pumps and is open 24 hours. It is the early 2000s when gas is around $1 a gallon. We frequently get people trying to scam us for gas. I am working third shift when a customer enters.)

Customer: “Hey, is there anything around here I can do for $10 worth of gas? I’m trying to get back to [Town two hours away].”

Me: “Absolutely! You can go outside and empty and change all 15 trash bags, sweep the parking lot, sweep up inside, clean both restrooms, and then mop the floors.”

Customer: “I’ve got to do all that?”

Me: “Well, yeah. It should only take about an hour.”

Customer: “I’m not doing all that!”

Me: “Well, I have to do all of that, and even I don’t get paid $10 an hour.”

Customer: “F*** that!”

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