You’re Not Going To Phone In The Customer Service

, , , , | Right | November 2, 2017

(A customer asks if she can pull up a coupon on her phone. I tell her that she can and that I’d be happy to show her how. She pulls her phone out of her sweaty breasts and tries to hand it to me. I tell her we’re not supposed to handle customers’ phones. “Plus,” I think to myself, “I am NOT touching your nasty boob-sweat phone.” This conversation follows:)

Me: “Just go to our website.”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “Open your web browser and type in [Website].”

Customer: “How do I open my web browser?”

Me: “I’m not sure, ma’am; I don’t have the same type of phone as you do.”

Customer: *huff* “So, is it the email button?”

Me: “No, like [Browser #1] or [Browser #2].”

Customer: *huff* “Well, I don’t know where that is or how to get there. You do it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know how to work your phone.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “It’s not my phone.”

Giving You Something To Wine About

, , , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2017

(I’m working the closing shift at a drugstore. About an hour before we close, the manager notices someone has been in the women’s restroom for about half an hour. The manager goes to talk to her, and this happens:)

Manager: *knocking on door* “Ma’am, are you okay?”

Lady In Bathroom: “UHH!”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “She won’t talk to me. I’m going to call the police.”

(A sheriff’s deputy arrives shortly after.)

Officer: *knocking on door* “This is the police. Is everything all right?”

Lady In Bathroom: “UHH!”

(The police officer entered to investigate, and the lady was taken out of the store on a stretcher. I thought she might have just gotten sick, but after closing, while I was cleaning the bathrooms, there was vomit everywhere and I found a half-empty box of wine next to the toilet that the lady must’ve stolen off the shelf before drinking in the bathroom.)

Unfiltered Story #99102

| Unfiltered | October 30, 2017

This took place several years ago. My friend had invited me to join his church group to a theme park for the afternoon; I believe it was the off-season, as it wasn’t very packed there, so the lines weren’t too bad. Near the end of the day we were getting in line for the Drop-Tower ride, which normally has 3 lines/entrances, all of which take you on the same ride. Only one had been open when we got into line, but one of the operators had decided to start opening all 3 and let us hop into one. This helped us get on a lot faster now, and as we were strapped in, this gem occurs:

Random Lady (RL): “You know, it’s rude to skip lines..”

-We were all confused- Us: “Pardon ma’am?”

RL: “I saw you all you kids just skip the line! You skipped all of us”

Us: “Ma’am there’s several lines, the operators took us there”

RL (Instant Rage): “THEY SHOULD KICK ALL OF YOU OUT FOR SKIPPING LINE!”

She then flags down the operator “Sir? SIR! You need to kick these kids off the ride and out of the park, right now!!”

We look at her, then him, visually confused.

Operator: “Ma’am, whats the matter?”

RL: “These kids ducked under the bars to get ahead of the line and skip us!”

I believe at this point, some of us were trying to point-out the other lines, and the operator nodded.

Operator: “Ma’am, there’s 3 lines…so yeah…”

Somehow this silenced her and she just remained with this dead-quiet face, and avoided any eye-contact, likely too embarrassed to admin she was wrong, never a sorry.

Ever Since They Shut Down Jurassic Park

, , , | Right | October 24, 2017

Me: “Can I answer any questions you may have about our exhibit?”

Father With Child: “Yes. Are the dinosaurs still alive? We haven’t seen any real ones lately.”

Unfiltered Story #98556

, | Unfiltered | October 24, 2017

(I am working the lunch shift at drive-thru when a woman comes to the speaker).

Me: Hello, welcome to (blank). What can we make for you today?

Customer: Hi, I would like a number 5 combo.

Me: Would you like that small, medium, or large?

Customer: I would also like a sprite with that.

Me: Absolutely. And would you like the small, medium, or large?

And, I kid you not, this woman starts SCREAMING. And I don’t mean yelling, I’m talking about piercing screams, as if she were being murdered or something. I took off my headset and stood there in shock for a minute, having no clue what would cause her to react like that. My manager, who is wearing another headset, comes up to me.

“What the heck was that?”

I shrug, and get back to taking orders. I assumed that the customer drove off or something, but a couple minutes later she comes up to the window.

“Oh my goodness! I am so sorry! A bee flew into my car and scared me to death.”

So…yup. Turns out is was just a bee, and that’s why she was screaming like that. Anyway, it was definitely one of the strangest experiences I had working there. And that’s saying something.

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