That Should Perk(ins) You Up A Little Bit

, , , , | Friendly | December 9, 2017

(I look similar to the comedian Sue Perkins to the point where random people I don’t know comment on it. I’ve found out that two-thirds of the employees of the company I work for, including me, are either going to be made redundant. As it’s early days, no one at the company knows what’s actually going to happen to us, including the people who have made this decision. My biggest issue with the entire situation is the fact I had just felt like I had gotten my life back on track after a nasty period of time, and that has been taken from me. I’ve been messaging a friend about it, when she decides to call me. We have a bit of a conversation when this happens:)

Friend: “Just remember, though, there is only one you in the world, and no one can replace you.”

Me: “Sue Perkins.”

Friend: *pause* “Well… That’s a pretty good replacement, to be fair.”

Not Insured Against Bad Attitudes

, , , | Healthy | December 4, 2017

(I am currently working front desk at a private practice doctor’s office. I answer phones, schedule patients, do referrals, etc. This exchange occurs over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Doctor]’s office. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Patient: *with a snarky attitude* ”My name is [Patient] and I need to know if my medication has been approved by my insurance.”

(Sometimes certain medications need a prior authorization in order for the pharmacy to dispense the med. I tell the woman no problem and get her info so I can pull up her chart.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, it looks like it’s still being processed right now.”

Patient: *with even nastier attitude* “This is ridiculous. I need my medication.”

(I then look to see what medication she is talking about and it turns out it’s Zantac. This is an over-the-counter medicine that you can buy at any grocery or drug store.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am, but PAs can take anywhere from one to six weeks. Sometimes medications that can be purchased over-the-counter take longer.”


(I then forwarded the call to the doctor’s nurse who informed her that she would get to it as soon as possible, but since the patient’s medication was available over-the-counter, she has to work on the others that aren’t. She also gave her a list of stores and other medications that will help her problem if she needs it immediately. Seriously, just go to the store and get some.)

Not Making Your Point Sharply

, , , , , , , | Related | November 30, 2017

(I live with my mum, but I’m an adult. She has bought a boning knife and has used it to — unsuccessfully — debone a fish. I’m washing up after this attempt and our following meal.)

Mum: *calling at me from the other room* “Be careful when washing up. My new knife is in the sink, and it’s extremely sharp, unlike the rest of our knives.”

Me: “Too late; I already stabbed myself!”

Mum: *rushing in* “WHAT?! WHERE!?”

Me: *calmly, whilst brandishing my hand at her* “Here.”

(There is a tiny pinprick of an injury on my hand. There is a pause.)

Me: “Well, are you going to kiss my boo-boo better?”

(She didn’t kiss it better.)

A Sickening List Of Ingredients

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 29, 2017

(My mum and I work and live together, and we’ve swung by the local supermarket to pick up some things. My day has been awful, so I go around picking things up for myself. I meet up again with my mum before checking out.)

Mum: “Milkshake and cream dessert? You’re not allowed dairy! You’ll get sick!”

Me: “Tobacco and wine? You’ve got half a working lung! You are sick!”

Mum: *pauses* “Touché.”

(No, neither of us put anything back.)

Pranks For The Laughs

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 24, 2017

(Most of my friends and I have picked three to four A-level subjects which are heavily coursework-based, meaning we have to do work in our spare time. Towards the end of the academic year, some person at the college keeps setting off the fire alarm. Initially it’s a bit funny, but it ends up that we can’t go a week without at least two alarms being set off. It is now the day of the final deadline for both my English and media journalism coursework, so I am with several classmates in a computer room, working away on our final pieces. The fire alarm goes off, and we pause. One plucky volunteer goes out into the hallway and investigates. He come back and sits back at his computer, resuming his work. Prank fire alarm. Again. We go back to work. A teacher comes past and quite literally double-takes.)

Teacher: “The fire alarm, guys? Get up and go!”

Classmate: “It’s a prank, though.”

Teacher: “It might not be.”

Me: “Willing to bet on that?”

Teacher: “Okay, it likely is a prank. But you still need to follow policy and leave, in case there is a fire.”

Class Friend: “We have coursework due today, though.”

Teacher: “You could burn to death.”

Plucky Volunteer: *dramatically* “We may burn, our skin peel off and bones crumble, BUT OUR COURSE WORK WILL BE COMPLETE!” *thumps desk*

Rest Of The Room: “Aye!” *also thumps their desks*

Teacher: *laughing* “Out, now!”

(It was another prank. However, that time round my English teacher, a tall, somewhat terrifying German woman, spotted them, and it didn’t happen again.)

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