Passed The First Test

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Right | September 20, 2013

(I work at a non-profit agency that runs licensing examinations for a certain profession. When you take our exams, you have a certain amount of time to pass all sections, and if you wait too long to retake a failed section, you end up having to take all parts again. In my time at the job, I’ve had a number of callers who waited too long, and when they find out they have to retake everything, without exception they have gone ballistic. I am taking a call from a young lady with questions about her exams.)

Caller: “Yes, I have some questions about my exams. I failed one section two years ago and want to see about retaking it.”

Me: “Well, let me look up your information.”

(I take her name and look her up in our system.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, you need to do [module] to reactivate your eligibility for the exams. But I’m sorry to tell you that you’re outside your eligibility period, and need to retake the entire exam, rather than just the portion you didn’t pass.”

(I am cringing at that point, waiting for the screaming and crying I’ve always experienced when breaking that news.)

Caller: “Really? Well, that’s annoying, but if I gotta, I gotta, right?”

Me: “Uh… really?”

Caller: “Well, yeah. I waited too long; I do it over again, right? It’s a pain, but it’s what I have to do, right?”

Me: “Ma’am, thank you SO much for being reasonable! I’ve had others in the same position as you and when I’ve broken the news to them, they’ve bitten my head off!”

Caller: “Why would they? It’s not your fault!”

1 Thumbs

As Clear As Gay, Part 2

| Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Working | May 17, 2013

(I’m at a job retreat, and am having an interesting conversation with my co-workers. Note: I am an out lesbian.)

Coworker #1: “You know, I didn’t think I’d like the movie Tangled, but I did like it. It was cute.”

Me: *laughs* Oh, man. My girlfriend is totally like Rapunzel. The blonde hair, the bubbly personality, the singing. She’s totally her Disney princess.”

(By this point, everyone seems to get that I’m gay except one coworker.)

Coworker #2: “So, is your boyfriend like the Flynn Rider guy?”

Me: “N… no. I said my girlfriend.”

Coworker #2: *blank stare*

Me: “You know… girlfriend.”

Coworker #2: *blank stare*

Me: “…I’m gay, dude.”

Coworker #1: “I think everyone got that.”

Me: “Not everyone, apparently!”


1 Thumbs

Righteous Insinuation

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Learning | March 29, 2013

(This story takes place in the late 1990s and I was at a bus stop waiting for my connection from the university. There are other students walking around with pamphlets talking to other students.)

Girl: “I would like to take this time to talk to you about birth control and sexual responsibility.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t need to worry about that.”

Girl: “This is very important. You could catch a disease or get a girl pregnant.”

Me: “I understand the danger, but I’ve got it handled.”

Girl: *condescendingly* “And just what do you plan to do to keep accidents from happening?”

Me: “I’m waiting until I get married.”

Girl: *sputters a moment* “Oh…uh. That works too, I guess.”

1 Thumbs

It’s A Femme-Fatal Condition

| Toronto, Canada | Working | November 28, 2012

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, ma’am, this is [name] with the Heart & Stroke Foundation. Is this a good time?”

Me: “Actually, I’m male.”

Caller: “We’re very sorry to hear that, ma’am. Thank you for your time.” *click*

Me: *facepalm*

Fighting Hire With Fire

| Michigan, USA | Working | September 3, 2012

(I work for a nonprofit employment agency and am interviewing interested applicants for a large local manufacturing company.)

Me: “So, tell me about yourself.”

Client: “I’m 62 years old. I could be collecting social security, but I’m not. I want to work, unlike OTHER lazy people my age.”

Me: “Okay, so have you ever convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor, and if so, what was it?”

Client: “Yeah, I was convicted of an OUI a few years ago. Oh, I guess I should also tell you that I was convicted of a CSC [criminal sexual conduct felony] a few years ago, too. I kept trying to get in touch with HER but she won’t get back to me. She keeps ignoring me. She’s a liar! But I’m working with the American Civil Liberties Union to get it off my record, because I’m innocent. I donate a lot of money to the ACLU. Do you donate to the ACLU? You should. They do a lot good of things. But anyway, it might be off my record now. It should be. Well, but I’m still on the sex offender list.

Me: “…”

Client: “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m also suing the city and the county. Nothing has been decided yet, but I’ve got a really good lawyer. It’s because I’m innocent, and they really did me a number. They’re really corrupt!”

(I ask a few more questions, but here’s the grand finale of the interview…)

Client: “Listen, would you like to go out sometime?”

(Needless to say, he wasn’t hired!)

1 Thumbs
Page 3/41234