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To Be Fair That Would Still Kill The Lice

, , , | Learning | June 15, 2017

This is during high school health class. During the STD/STI unit, our teacher tells us how, in years past, he would ask students for ideas on how to get rid of pubic lice.

What did they come up with? Setting it on fire and hitting it with a hammer.

Good thing my school at least tried to teach sex ed!

Turning Down Their Volume Control

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

In 1991 I worked for the summer at a local dealer in the service department. Lots of stupid customers.

One evening, just as the sun is going down, a lady who has bought a new Chevy S-10 Blazer comes to the service desk and she is mad. Her complaint is that the dash lights are not working, and she is ranting about how this was ridiculous on a new vehicle.

My manager, who is familiar with this customer, walks out to the vehicle, reaches in through the open window, and turns the dimmer knob. Wow, dash lights! She says not a word, not even thanks, and gets in the Blazer and drive away.

Not a week later, she’s back. No sound coming from the right-side speakers. And she was again ranting, this time to other customers, about the crap Chevy she had bought. Again, my manager walks out to the vehicle and turns the balance knob for the stereo. One of the other customers chuckled loudly, she turned red as a beet, got in the Blazer, and left the parking-lot with squealing rubber. Her husband brought the Blazer in for service after that.

You Might Not Want To Sit Down For This One

, , , | Related | June 11, 2017

It is way back in the 70s and my parents have just gotten engaged. Their friends throw them a big party and everyone is dressed up in their best. Everyone is having a great time and there’s drinking.

My dad gets up and uses the bathroom, then comes back talking to someone. While he was gone, the host put the cake on his chair, and leaves to get the knife. The tables are full of presents and food, you see.

My dad, not paying attention, goes back to sit, distracted by talking. Everyone yells out, but it’s too late. The cake goes splat and my dad is covered in frosting and on the floor. My mom is laughing so hard that she falls, too.

They like to tell the story all the time, and Dad was forever known as He Who Sat on the Cake.

Hoping It Was Just An Act

, , , , , , | Learning | June 11, 2017

At the school I went to, we were required to take either speech class or acting class in order to graduate. I decided to go with acting. I quickly realize I’m going to have serious problems, because the teacher speaks in half-sentences and expects people to know what she means. I can’t decipher the homework instructions and get yelled at if I ask for clarification. She even seems to develop a special dislike towards me. If another member of my team forgets a line, I get yelled at for it. Etc.

One day, we are performing a comedy skit. My entire team nails it! I’m playing the central role, and we get laughs from the whole class. At the post-performance critique, the teacher even praises some of my improvised lines.

The next day, the teacher scolds me, in front of the whole class, for being absent on the day my team performed! All six people I worked with have to vouch for the fact that I was there. She eventually relents, but gives me a bad grade for the project because she says my performance must have been lousy if she can’t remember me being there.

I ended up failing that class. The same teacher taught speech, and I couldn’t cope with the idea of having to deal with her again. Because it was a graduation requirement, I actually had to get a GED instead of graduating.

Using A Fresh Tactic

, , , , , | Right | June 2, 2017

I work in a restaurant that has double-decker coffee makers, meaning you brew a pot in the normal fashion, put the finished pot on a burner above the brewer, then make another pot.

A regular would always ask for a cup of coffee “from the fresh pot,” meaning the pot that was newly made instead of the one on the top burner. He never listened when I told him that the coffee on the top burner was only sitting there long enough for the second pot to be made.

After a while, it became annoying.

One day, I happened to look up and saw him making his way toward the restaurant. The second pot had just finished brewing, so I immediately switched pots. Sure enough, the regular made his usual request for the “fresh pot.” No problem, sir! He never noticed the difference.