I was working computer tech support for a university when we received a call that a woman’s computer had been inserting random spaces into the documents that she was working on. An odd-sounding problem, we couldn’t diagnose it over the phone so one of the techs went over to see the problem firsthand.

The solution was to raise her office chair about one inch.

The problem? Her large breasts kept hitting the spacebar.

At work, I miss a call on my cell phone, but the caller leaves a voicemail. The caller states they are from a counseling office and are returning my call about whether they accepted a certain insurance or not. I hadn’t called them so I initially brushed it off as a wrong number.

But then I get to thinking. I did previously have a policy with the insurance they mentioned but it was a while ago. I listen to the message again for the name of the office they were calling from and then I remember. I called this office and left a message to ask that question…

FOUR YEARS EARLIER. 

I can’t fathom how it took four years to return a phone call for a simple question and how they never realized how old the message I left was.

I’m working one afternoon on the checkouts, during a day when [Bank] debit cards are refusing to work on our registers. I learn later on in the day it’s a widespread issue, affecting multiple stores, but never do learn whether it was nationwide or just a few stores. Odd thing is, the cards work when withdrawing cash from ATMs, but transactions at registers are declined. 

Anyway, I get a customer who just flips out. The lady before her is polite enough, even with this situation. Polite Lady makes two further trips during her transaction: first to bring her total up enough to qualify for our voucher scheme and then to run to the ATM when her card is declined. Polite Lady is no hassle and understands it is not our fault. I help pack, and eventually, Polite Lady pays and is sent on her merry way. 

I eventually come to serve Not Polite Lady (NPL). She is understandably annoyed, but overall, she hasn’t had to wait too long, unlike some other times I remember. She is very bad-tempered. She at first asks me the total of her first three items, which are a magazine, a carton of milk, and something else. I give her the total, then I proceed to scan the rest of her items, and her total is about 60 euro.

She tells me that she is annoyed and frustrated and that her card had better work. I inform her about the card problem, which she knew about beforehand anyway, having witnessed what I said to Polite Lady. She refuses to even try the ATM, and lo and behold… her card is declined. 

She then tells me she only wants to pay for her initial three items, to which I agree, of course. It’s up to her what she buys. I inform her that I’ll have to scan her products again, in order to void them back out, and she says she doesn’t care what I have to do. There is a little bit of confusion on my part, as I’m not 100% sure if she wants me to void out all of her milk — she has four cartons — or she wants to keep the one. I mention this, and she gets so frustrated that she just says she’s not going to take anything and says that all the stores have done this to her, mentioning a couple of our competitors. From her language, it almost sounds like she thinks there’s some sort of conspiracy to deny her the ability to buy her groceries. She just storms out of the store empty-handed. 

The next customer says I have the patience of a saint.

An acquaintance sells T-shirts and other items printed with designs she creates. She usually sets up a table and has some of the shirts pinned so that they are hanging over the side of the table to ensure the designs are clearly and completely visible. 

Apparently, several other dog owners have been just as inattentive as the woman in this tale but the others have all at least taken monetary responsibility. Seriously, people, no matter how much you love them, your dog is a creature for whose actions you are responsible!

One day, my acquaintance was selling her wares near a farmers’ market and a woman with two dogs came near the table where she was displaying her art and T-shirts. One dog proceeded to pee on two of the T-shirts that were hanging from the table.

The owner did nothing.

The seller tried to call the dog owner out for this and get her to buy the soiled merchandise — they aren’t even that expensive. The woman’s response? “Well, you are on the street.”

And then, she walked away with her dogs and accused the seller of harassment when she followed to demand an explanation.

I answer customer feedback emails. Here is one of my silliest:

“To Whom It May Concern,

My phone has [Game App] installed on it. As I am sure you are aware, your company has chosen to advertise with [Game App Company]. Your ad decided to impact my loading time, causing me to lose my game. I guarantee you, I will never purchase a single one of your products. Ever. Either choose lighter ads or better companies to advertise with.

Thank you for your time,

[Fake Name]”