Doesn’t Pilipi-Know What She’s Talking About

, | Related | August 31, 2016

My mother is horrific any time she has to interact with anyone in the service industry. When she comes to visit my husband and me, we intentionally only take her to places we will never go back to, because we know she will embarrass us to no end.

Case 1:

We are at a small, family run diner that has a liquor license. She orders some obscure rum, argues when the server says they don’t carry it, then demands to be shown their entire liquor selection, just in case the server doesn’t know what she is talking about.

Case 2:

I take her for a pedicure in an adjacent town — again, I’ve never been before, and know I’ll never be back. She attempts to engage in small talk with the technician, asking where she is from. The lady replies that she is from the Philippines. My mother replied “Oh, I know Pilipinos”. (Yes, she said it that way, with a hard P, not an F sound.) “You people are great at menial labour.”


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An Unfortunate Cookie

| Friendly | August 24, 2016

I have a three-hour layover and decide to order some dinner while I wait. There’s a little Asian diner that looks pretty yummy. I order my chicken lo mein and they give me a fortune cookie treat to end my meal with.

The food is great, I am feeling satisfied, and ready to see what fun my fortune cookie has waiting for me. I crack it open and of course, it’s the worst possible fortune I could have read, especially being at the airport waiting to board an international flight. It read, “it is sometimes better to travel hopefully than to arrive.” NOPE. I disagree with you, little cookie. I would much rather arrive.

I’m actually about to board my flight right now so let’s all hope I make it.

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She’s Not Getting The Massage

, | Right | August 18, 2016

I work at a massage spa that also has a sauna. One day, two ladies come in and use the sauna together. After they’ve left, I find one of their phones while I am cleaning.

Since we have their numbers on file, I try calling one of the ladies, which rings the phone I have. I therefore call the second lady, who answers. I tell her to notify her friend that I have her phone. She agrees, and says she will tell her friend right away.

However, as soon as I hang up, her friend’s phone lights up with a text:

“the spa has your phone”

What part of “I have your friend’s phone” didn’t she understand?

 

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Displaying Full Evidence Of Idiocy

, , , , , , , | Right | September 29, 2009

A customer pulls up in a burgundy taxi, tells the driver to wait, and then comes into the store.

He then pulls a knife and a garbage bag, and tells me to fill the bag with cartons of cigarettes.

I fill the bag, and watch as the crook then runs into what he thinks is his burgundy taxi, and slams the door behind himself.

Unbeknownst to him, I have just watched the taxi drive away, after seeing him attempt to rob the store, and a burgundy cop car, driven by a store regular, pull up.

Now the cop has just pulled into the gas station to get fuel, and some random guy has jumped into the back of his cop car, holding a knife and a bag full of stolen cigarette cartons, and locked himself in…

It takes a full hour for the cop to take my statement, because we can’t stop laughing at the idiot who arrested himself while holding the evidence of his robbery.


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