Until the sale of certain fireworks was banned, every October and November the playgrounds of UK schools would be subject to screamer rockets set off at ground level and bangers (no, not sausages) being thrown. Obviously, there were rules about having fireworks on school grounds, but your typical comprehensive school inmate doesn’t think the rules apply to them. 

One genius at my school had just lit a banger but was spotted doing so by a teacher. Rather than throw it away, our hero stuck it in the back pocket of his jeans with the obvious outcome when the fuse burnt down. 

So, not only did he get detention, it was detention while sitting on an unforgiving school chair with a tender posterior. Obviously, we had the utmost sympathy for his plight and didn’t take the mickey at all.

This story is part of the American Independence Day 2021 roundup!

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My mom relays this story to me. Two people at her company are getting laid off, and their direct supervisor asks my mom, another supervisor, to be in the room with him when he tells these men that they are being laid off.

The first man takes the news pretty well and is very professional about it. The second man, however, is very much not. As soon as he sits down, he seems to have an inkling as to what’s going to happen; he glares suspiciously at my mom and asks his supervisor why she’s there. The supervisor explains that she is there to assist with any inquiries he may have.

The man listens to the spiel about how the company is going in a different direction and they need to increase efficiency, yada yada. When the supervisor is done, the man sits back and says, “I’ve heard your pretty speech. Now, tell me the real reason I’m being fired.”

They go back and forth like this, with the man insisting that there has to be another reason he’s being laid off. Finally, my mom says to him, “I think [Supervisor] already told you that.”

The man grows furious and starts ranting about how he’s the most productive person on the team, the company will fail without him, etc. Then, he says that he’s been keeping a folder with all of his coworkers’ mistakes and begins listing their failures.

Finally, once he’s done his rant, the supervisor tells him he should go home for the rest of the day and a security officer comes to escort him out of the building. My mom is so disturbed by how angry he got that she suggests he not be allowed back in the building. Really, though, if you’re getting laid off for inefficiency, is it really the best idea to tell your boss that you’ve spent valuable work hours compiling a list of your coworkers’ mistakes?

My sister is getting married. As her fiancé was raised Catholic, they’re having a Catholic wedding. Our side of the family is Christian, too, but we’re not familiar with Catholic rites or services, being a variety of other denominations. In addition, most of the friends of the bride and groom aren’t religious and so also aren’t familiar with Catholic practises.

Regardless of our inexperience, everything goes smoothly and my sister and her fiancé exchange vows and rings. The priest then invites my now brother-in-law to kiss his wife.

Awaiting the classic “I now pronounce you husband and wife” line which isn’t actually used, the guests don’t quite realise that this is the big moment and there are a few heartbeats of silence.

“There’s usually a big cheer right about here,” the priest prompts, and we all start clapping.

“We’d better try that again!” the priest jokes, inviting my brother-in-law to kiss his wife again.

This time we raise the roof with claps, cheers, and laughter!

This happened before cell phones were common, and I didn’t yet have one. I took my car to a local full-service car wash for a full wash and detailing. I pulled into a vacuum lane as directed, told the attendant what I was there for, asked about the turnaround time — an hour to an hour and half due to how busy they were — and told him I’d be at the restaurant next door — the other side of the building from the drop off and vacuums — for lunch, but would be back well before the completion time. “Sounds good! Enjoy your lunch. See you soon,” was the reply. “Ding, ding, ding,” said my car.

Fast forward to about 45 minutes later. I returned to the car wash, expecting that my car would be well into the process of being clean and shiny, and there it sat, right where I’d left it, all of my personal items sitting on the ground around it. “You didn’t leave us the key and didn’t tell us where you were going,” I was told, “And you caused the line to back up since we can’t use this lane.” There were two workers, one of them the original attendant.

I replied, “I know I left the key, as when I was walking away the alarm was sounding and my keyring is right here, without the car key on it. I also told you I’d be right next door, which you acknowledged.”

“Well, we don’t have the key and couldn’t find you.”

So, I started sorting through my things on the ground and, lo and behold, the key had been dropped into a tissue box that they’d taken out from the back seat! Not only would they not acknowledge that they’d messed up, they’d left all of my things out that they’d removed, supposedly to vacuum, and they hadn’t even done that!

I went inside and talked to a manager, who dismissed my complaint, wouldn’t offer any compensation or even an apology, and told me I must have put the keys in that box myself to try to get his guys in trouble. I didn’t get the car detailed that day; I had it done a few days later at a competitor who did an excellent job and cost less than what I would have paid at the first business.

A couple of years after, confident that the workers were not the same, I tried again to get a vacuum and car wash there and it took three tries after it was “done” for them to wipe my windows without leaving greasy streaks. How they remain in business I don’t know but, on warm, sunny days there’s always a line waiting.

I was attending a funeral. The elderly mother of a friend had died, and close family members were reading personal messages. A granddaughter, about fifth or sixth grade, declared that it wasn’t so problematic that Grandmother had dementia:

It meant she sometimes forgot whether she had dealt sweets or not and they walked away with two pieces of candy.