A Poetic Resolution

, , | Learning | October 22, 2016

It is the first day of class with a horrible poetry teacher.

She knew kids hated poetry, so she hated all of us right off the bat.

She tells us that fifty percent of the grade would be to recite a memorized poem. I raise my hand and ask if I can do it right then.

She was completely shocked, and loved me for the rest of the year.

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The Pipes To Their Brain Must Be Blocked Too

| Right | October 21, 2016

The public bathrooms at the store I work in have stopped working. Apparently, the sewage is backing up. Not a pretty sight. Or smell.

Because of this, my managers make d*** sure no one is getting in, so they put up chairs and baskets and signs that say “Bathroom Out of Order” all over. The entire area is blocked off with rope and chairs.

Funny enough, two people force their way through only to be greeted by the wonderful aroma of backed up pipes.

We told you they were closed, but you didn’t listen. They then had the audacity to tell us that we weren’t clear enough!

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On Autobot Autopilot

, | Right | October 21, 2016

I’m the customer in this story. I got a necklace at a Renaissance Faire not too long ago that’s essentially a tiny book on a chain, and since I work as a librarian I’ve been wearing it to work every day and I’ve gotten a LOT of compliments on it.

A couple weeks after getting it I end up going to the post office on my lunch break to send a package, and as she’s helping me the clerk compliments me on my necklace. Without thinking I reply “Thanks. I work at the library.”

The clerk gives me a weird look but says nothing, and finishes up with my package. It’s not until I’m out the door that I realize I’m NOT wearing the book necklace today, but a pendant with the Autobot symbol from Transformers on it.

I can only wonder what was going through that clerk’s head when I responded to a compliment on my “geeky” necklace with a complete non-sequitur about my job.

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Putting The Rust Into Trust

, , | Friendly | October 20, 2016

I and a couple of real-life friends are playing the online survival game called “Rust.” We meet someone in-game and he seems like a nice guy so we allow him to join us. We set up camp and log off for the night. When we log on in the morning we are all dead, and he has stolen our gear.

We then proceed to spend the next hour hunting him down, and find his base and evidence he has done this sort of scam many times. We take everything and place down landmines so when he returned he would get an explosive reward for his evil behavior.

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Common Sense Has Exited The Building

, | Right | October 18, 2016

While on my break, I observe a customer walking toward a back door that is an exit-only from the lobby.

It should be noted this door has a stop sign on it and clearly reads “EXIT ONLY” in large, white letters.

As you probably suspect, the customer attempts to enter the lobby using this door. The door, of course, does not open. The customer looks slightly confused as they try again. Naturally the door still does not open. I’m watching closely now because the customer has now tried twice to enter this door. I see the customer scan the door and mouth the words “Exit Only” as he reads the sign before trying again.

At this point the customer tries harder to open the door as though it may be stuck, with no success. The customer starts to walk toward the main doors, gets a few steps away, then rushes back to the door and quickly tries again as though they were trying to sneak up on the door. Finally the customer goes to the front of the restaurant and enters the main doors.

I wiped the tears from my eyes, as I had laughed through the whole things, and went back to work.

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