Getting Them To Understand Is Like Pulling Teeth

, , , , | Healthy | May 8, 2018

When I was eight years old, my older sister’s school had an anti-drug campaign. She came home from school one day and lectured me to never, ever take drugs. I looked up to my sister, so I solemnly promised her I wouldn’t.

About a week later, my dad took me to the dentist to get some baby teeth pulled. I was alone in the room with the dentist while my dad was in the waiting room. The dentist told me he was giving me some analgesia. I asked what that meant, and he explained that it was a drug that would make me not feel any pain.

I told him, “No, no drugs,” and refused to let him near me with the analgesia. For some reason, he did not go out to the waiting room to confer with my dad. Instead, he went ahead and pulled three teeth from an eight-year-old girl without using analgesia or any pain relief.

After a few minutes of him pulling my teeth, the burglar alarm went off in the clinic. There was no break-in, though. Apparently, my screams of pain perfectly mimicked the sound of breaking glass, fooling the alarm system. We never went back to that clinic.

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Like A Wet Yoyo

, , , , , , | Working | May 8, 2018

I worked at a popular fast food place for two years. One day, I was “asked” to come in on my day off and, not owning a car, biked twenty minutes there in the rain. Not even an hour after I got there, the rain turned into a storm. Wind knocked over a street lamp and it landed on the nearby power-lines, cutting the power to the entire side of the freeway our store was on. The backup generator only keeps the main register and freezer running; everything else, such as the second register, fry station, and meat slicer, were all shut down.

We had to put all of the cold stuff into the freezer and apologize to any customers who walked in, as we couldn’t make any food.

My boss got on the phone with the power company and learned it would take a while for someone to get out to fix the lines, so he sent three of us home, leaving just him and one other manager.

I had just arrived home, soaking wet, when I got a text from the manager saying that someone was already there to fix the lines, and the boss wanted me to come back before the dinner rush began.

I told her no.

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Persistence Is Assured

, , , , | Working | May 8, 2018

A couple years ago, I got some car insurance quotes online. As usual, I received follow-up calls from most of those insurers trying to get me to actually purchase from them. I let them all go to voicemail since I didn’t want to deal with them, and they all gave up within a week.

All except one, that is. This guy called me every weekday and Saturday for six months and left a minute-long message every time. It clearly wasn’t a robo-call because the messages were not the same; the same basic spiel, but with enough changes in tempo and word choice that it had to be a human.

Yes, I could have answered him one time and just told him I wasn’t interested, but after a couple of weeks I was curious how long he would keep it up. I don’t know if this level of persistence was corporate policy, a manager’s instructions, or the salesman just not using his time wisely, but in any case, he wasted over two and a half hours of company time on a potential customer who clearly wasn’t going to respond positively.

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If You Fail To Schedule, You Schedule To Fail

, , , , , | Working | May 8, 2018

This took place back in 1979. I was 18 and had just gotten out of high-school. I got a job as a short order cook for a restaurant. As soon as I started working there I knew I wasn’t going to be there long.

After working there a couple of days, I realized the manager was the type that was always right, even when they were dead wrong. I always had good work ethics. I never took days off unless it was unavoidable. I had just gotten to work after having two scheduled days off. I went to the time clock to clock in. When I got my time card out, I saw the word “terminated” written in red marker across the face of my card.

I was totally confused, so I went to the manager to find out why. She told me it was because I didn’t show up for work the past two days, and didn’t call or anything. She kept yelling at me for screwing her over, because she couldn’t find someone to cover for me so she had to do it. I kept trying to explain things to her, but she wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise.

Finally, when she had to stop and catch her breath, I told her I was scheduled the past two days off. She said no and showed me the schedule where I was supposed to work Wednesday. and Thursday. I told her that when I checked the schedule Tuesday after my shift I was supposed to be off Wednesday and Thursday.

It turns out that the assistant manager changed the schedule after I left Tuesday and didn’t bother to call me about the change. The manager then said I should’ve call to check and make sure I was off.

I told her, “You know what? You can keep your f****** job,” and walked out.

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Got The Body Of The Joke

, , , , , , | Right | May 8, 2018

I’ve only been at this job about three weeks, but it’s significantly less stressful than the job I held prior. It’s near the end of my shift, and I still have a natural smile on my face, when a man comes up to my register. He has two large plastic totes with latching lids, as well as some other groceries.

I ring up his groceries as I make small talk, and then I walk around my register to scan and check inside the totes. Anyone in retail knows the acronym LISA: look in-side always. I can clearly see into the first and scan it, then I tip open the lid of the second, and without thinking I say, “All clear; no dead bodies in here,” and scan it.

The customer starts laughing, and I can feel my face get red-hot as I realize that I’ve said it out loud! As I try to regain my composure, the man goes, “Wait… No dead body?! Then where the h*** did she go?!”

I guess he could tell I felt embarrassed.

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