Dad Will Never Change

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 10, 2017

I went out to dinner with my mom and dad after we all had a bad day. I can’t remember the details, but my mom was reasonably angry with my dad, and he was tuning her out.

We got seated and ordered our food at a Chinese place that serves one big pot of soup for the table before the dishes come. As they brought it out, the woman spilled the dark and oily soup on my mom, who was wearing white.

My dad waved the waitress away mid-apology while my mom went to clean herself up, but she had no luck with the stains. She said she’d deal with it until we got home; however, all the food came out extremely slowly. Even when all the food came, my dad ate excruciatingly slowly because he likes to “savor” his food. My mom was about to explode, so she put some money down for the dinner and left before another argument ensued.

One thing about my family: my mom is in charge of all our finances because my dad cannot be trusted. And that was never more evident than when we paid the bill. I left first to find my mom, and my dad paid with the money she gave him, and left all of the change.

Our dinner was maybe 40 to 50 dollars. My mom gave him a hundred.

When we found this out, we asked him why in the world he thought that was okay. His response was that it’s my mom’s fault for not saying what to do, and she had “wasted her breath” while arguing with him, while she should have been explaining how to pay the bill.

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Book That One Down To Experience

, , , , , | Learning | November 9, 2017

My daughter’s middle school English teacher inadvertently left a loophole in her syllabus. Students could earn points for every book they read; all they had to do was fill out a form with the author, title, and a brief synopsis, with a signature from the parent that the book was actually read. The catch? The teacher hadn’t put a limit on how many points a student could earn.

[Daughter] spotted the loophole, drew my attention to it, and asked what I thought. I figured this could be a valuable learning experience for both [Daughter] and her teacher, so I told her that, as far as I was concerned, she could go for it.

I was very proud, as a parent, of having gotten my children addicted to reading at an early age, and [Daughter] went for it in a big way. Much to her teacher’s distress, [Daughter] read and turned in the forms for something like 130 books that semester, and didn’t do any of the assignments.

She ended up with an A in the class, begrudgingly granted, but the teacher wouldn’t recommend her for Advanced Placement English classes in high school. I gather that her syllabus changed the next semester. So, they both did learn something.

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For An Hour You Were Cat-atonic

, , , , , , , | Related | November 9, 2017

My family knows me to be absolutely in love with cats. One day, my mom asked me to take out the trash and I was stopped by our cat.

My mom came out later to inform me that I was out there for an entire hour, cooing over a cat.

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Custom-R Surviss

, , , , , | Working | November 9, 2017

My job involves data entry at a large company where a lot our requests come in via customer service channels. As such, we get a lot of misspellings, but we are required to enter names exactly as they’ve been provided to us.

Sometimes it’s something simple that was probably misheard (e.g. “Soft N Corp.” rather than the correct “Soften Corp.”) or mistyped (e.g. “Blenda” instead of “Brenda”).

Once, I had to type in “Harley Quinn Company” (yes, exactly like the Batman character) instead of “Harlequin Company,” even after I asked my supervisor about it.

A lady named something like Darlene Pierce has sometimes been entered as “Darling Person.” I’ve also seen “Centrial Corp.” and “Eleate Company.” Most recently I had a request come in from “Monic,” which I am almost certain was meant to be “Monique.”

The customer service reps are all great, but sometimes I’m not sure they’re hired for their spelling skills.

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She’s Suda-Fed Up

, , , , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

It’s the height of our spring pollen season here, and I’m checking out groceries to my customers in front of the big, sliding-glass shop-front doors.

I feel a sneeze coming on, so I turn away from my customer, sneeze, and excuse myself, laughing it off and commenting about the pollen.

My customer is a tiny, wizened little old lady, at least in her eighties.

She blesses me, and, without missing a beat, follows it with, “The d*** pollen’s so thick out there, the druggies are trying to convert their meth back to Sudafed!”

I stare, stunned. That comment has been floating around social media for a couple of weeks now, but this tiny old lady caught me completely off-guard!

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