Whether You’re A Brother Or Whether You’re A Mother You Should Learn CPR

, , , | Healthy | December 20, 2017

I am sitting in the waiting room of my doctor’s office waiting to be called back. They have a TV playing some health network with short tips and tricks to being healthy.

One of the tips was to perform CPR to the beat of the song ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. I laugh out loud in the quiet waiting room imagining passing out only to be revived by someone singing that song.

I got quite a few weird looks before I was able to get my giggles under control. But I guess I won’t forget the beat if I ever have to perform CPR now because I will want them to be ‘Staying Alive’!

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Screwed If You Do, Scrooged If You Don’t

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2017

I’ve worked ten jobs, ranging from food service to customer service to office work to retail. I can tell you with certainty that the best part about all of them was gossiping with coworkers about unruly customers.

I’d recently moved back into my hometown and was visiting the local supermarket, when I ran into a few ex-coworkers on break and went over to catch up. It turns out that one of them, who was normally really in the holiday spirit, was a bit down from getting yelled at by every third customer, “It’s ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS!’” or, “It’s ‘HAPPY HOLIDAYS!’” when she was just trying to be nice and cheerful.

She asked me if I had gone through the same thing working customer service in the Bible belt, as I’m not a Christian, and I couldn’t help but grin.

“No, see, I always told them. ‘Happy Holidays,’ and if anyone got snippy with me about saying, ‘Merry Christmas,’ I just tilted my head, looked genuinely confused, and said, ‘Wait, Christmas and New Year’s aren’t holidays?’ Stopped ‘em stupid.”

I found out later that the other coworker who was there tried it out later that day, and it worked for them, too! Who knew?

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Left Her Brain Out For Santa

, , , | Right | December 18, 2017

It’s the day after Christmas. I’m on the register. A woman comes up and I start to ring her up. As I bag, I place full bags on a spinning table next to me while I still have to pull things out of her cart. She has a couple of big, boxed-up items, so I leave them in the cart.

I finish ringing her up and push the cart over next to the table to start loading her groceries in it. However, the woman takes her cart and starts to walk away with over half her groceries still on the table! I manage to call her back over and load her bags into the cart.

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The Lightbulb Moment That Never Came

, , , , , , | Related | December 16, 2017

My mother-in-law-to-be is very sweet, but is hopelessly clueless about some things. For example, she thinks that a thief can access your bank account if they find your receipt for something you bought, and she thinks she finds “shortcuts” when driving that actually make the trip twice as long.

Recently, my fiancé and I went on a weekend vacation and asked her to house sit and feed our cats. I realized that I’d left a light on that I didn’t mean to, and told my fiancé to ask her to turn if off next time she visited. Big mistake.

He texted her with this request, she said she would turn the light off when she stopped by our house next, and we went about our vacation. Later, my fiancé noticed several missed calls from his mother and finally a text:

“I’ve been here for over an hour, and I can’t figure out how to turn the light off!”

We were baffled, as it was a small, simple box lamp with a switch on the back and a cord going into the wall. Nothing more, nothing less. He called her, but she said she’d already left our house. “She was there for… an hour?” I asked, incredulous at the thought that something as simple as locating a switch on a small object was so daunting. He rolled his eyes and tried to explain to her how to turn it off when she next returned.

On her next trip, she still couldn’t figure it out. So, the lamp remained on all weekend, and when I next saw her, she complained about how it was just impossible to turn off. I still have yet to understand how a box with a switch was so perplexing… and why she didn’t just unplug it.

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It Was A Dire Wolf Whistle

, , , , , , | Working | December 16, 2017

I am a female engineer, and part of my job involves going to the various construction sites for my projects to inspect work and attend meetings. Please note that in my area, white hardhats are worn only by supervisors, inspectors, and engineers — basically anyone with authority on the site. All other personnel wear other coloured hardhats.

One day, I am walking up to the site dressed in regular “civilian” clothing. When I get to the gate, I stop and start rummaging in my bag to get out my construction gear. As I do so, a construction worker in a yellow hat sees me and starts wolf-whistling, trying to catch my eye. I don’t say anything, but pull out my white hat and plop it on my head. His eyes go wide, and I hear a quiet “Oh, s***!” as he scrambles out of sight.

I spent four hours on site, but didn’t see him for the rest of my visit.

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