Your Brain Is Cat-atonic

, , | USA | Friendly | November 23, 2016

I have recently fallen ill with a nasty sore throat and fever. What little is left of my voice is raspy and painful to get out, so I’ve taken to conducting my half of conversations via text, even if that person is sitting in the same room.

Suddenly, my cat runs across the keyboard of the laptop I’m using, and she pauses my movie. I want to snap at her to get off the keyboard, but I can’t, so I reach for my phone in annoyance.

It’s then that my feverish brain tells me that I cannot text my cat… because I don’t have her phone number.

Serving Some Karma, Sunny Side Up

, , , , | Perth, WA, Australia | Friendly | November 23, 2016

My step-mother owns chickens and has for a while, as it saves money on the few eggs they eat weekly. At some point she got into the habit of sharing the extra eggs with our neighbour, and they became friendly because of it.

Not too long back my step-sister came down with something, and my father and step-mother had to leave the state, which left me with the task of stopping by their house after work each night and feeding the chickens, as well as other things.

Whenever my step-mother checked in with me, she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t finding eggs. She was certain there were some hidden somewhere in the coop, even though I thought the chickens were maybe stressed from the sudden lack of attention, causing them to not lay.

Upon her return we searched the coop high and low, and found nothing. My step-mother was furious. She had apparently purchased pre-fertilised eggs for her chickens, and marked them with big red crosses. We couldn’t work out what happened, as there weren’t any eggs shells around either.

Later that night I receive a text from her stating that her neighbour had come over to complain that some of her eggs made him sick. It seems that during the day, before I was arriving, the neighbour had been jumping the fence (not taking the side gate, but climbing over the fence) and helping himself to eggs.

She still can’t figure out how he managed to cook a fertilised egg without noticing.

Pumped Up With Assumptions

, | Valparaiso, IN, USA | Romantic | November 22, 2016

I leave my husband at home to watch our son so that I can get some clothes shopping done. When I get done and go to put my items on the counter, a horrible realization hits me as to what an observer might think of my purchases and their intended uses.

What am I buying? Some clothes for my son, a kids book… and a black lace corset and a manual air pump.

The pump is for some car maintenance, I swear! The corset I plead the fifth on.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

, , | Stoneham, MA, USA | Right | November 22, 2016

A woman comes in with a gift card. I scan it and inform her she has $80 to spend. Thrilled, she goes off to shop. About a half hour later she returns with a large pile of clothes. I scan it, and I inform her that the total is $30 after the gift-card. Thrilled again, she goes off to do more shopping in the sales racks, and I void out her transaction, as I can’t suspend a transaction that’s using a gift card.

A bit later, she comes back with even more clothes. I scan it all again and tell her that her total is now $70 after the gift card. She seems even more thrilled, and I realize that she hasn’t understood that she OWES $70, not that she has $70 left to spend. I attempt to explain it to her, but she runs off, and as there’s a line, I can’t leave the register to chase after her. I void it again, hoping that she’ll understand the next time around. I try to get her attention whenever she comes near the register, but she ignores me.

Finally, she comes back with more clothes and her husband. She tells me to scan her now huge pile. Diligently I do, reminding her that her gift card is only $80. I inform her of her total before I use the gift card, then tell her the new total after, which is over $100.

Once again she’s thrilled and turns around to do more shopping, but her husband catches her by the arm. He asks me to repeat the total, and I do, explaining clearly that this is the price after the gift card. The husband firmly tells her they’re not spending that much on clothes.

Finally, the woman seems to understand that the gift card won’t cover it all, and spends close to 20 minutes picking and choosing which items she is keeping, holding up the line because she refuses to move aside for anyone.

Finally, she leaves with her $80 worth of merchandise, frowning at me like I had been trying to trick her, while the husband shakes his head in exasperation.

Something Fishy About That Complaint

, , , | FL, USA | Right | November 18, 2016

I work at a major chain pet store as customer service and a pet care specialist. I love animals and enjoy helping customers get set up with new pets, and I have several customers who come in and specifically ask for me. Unfortunately, a big part of the job is handling returns of pets who are deceased. My job is to replace the pet and advise them on anything that they could do to ensure success in keeping the pet.

In our store, customers fill out satisfaction surveys online that have an optional comment field. The managers post the comments each week. One day, I get called in to the manager’s office. She sternly tells me that there was a serious complaint about me in the surveys. She reads it to me and I turn redder and redder as she reads the long description of how a customer came in to return a bunch of fish that had died and I did not express sympathy for her loss. “Her cold, uncaring attitude and clear disregard for my emotional well-being and satisfaction as a customer make me feel too upset and traumatized to return to your store. I hope that you discipline her and perhaps terminate her as she doesn’t exemplify the love of animals that your store claims to represent.”

I was crying by this point. By the list of fish that the customer had described, I remembered the customers and that the interaction with them hadn’t been unusual at all. I had even said I was sorry to hear that their fish died and I spent 20 minutes with them trying to help them sort out why. They had even thanked me.

Despite my great record and all the compliments about me from other customers, my manager penalized me for the complaint, suggesting that I might consider finding another job if I didn’t care for animals. (She knew that I had everything from fish to reptiles to cats myself, so that was BS.) I had my hours cut and had to go through extra training.

Two months later, my manager came to me and apologized, saying that a customer had come in saying that they felt bad because they put in a joke complaint about an employee and were worried that she had gotten fired. Guess who? The reason they gave my manager: “We were drunk or high or something, and were just upset about the fish. Anyway, we’re sorry. She was actually really nice to us.”

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