My Daughter Amara

, , , , | Related | August 30, 2017

It was ten pm, my wife and kid were asleep, and I had the grave shift starting in two hours, so I was killing time before work.

I was watching a horror TV show where a demon-baby telekinetically slams her letter blocks into the wall to spell out, “Feed me.”

It was an intense moment, and my office was pitch black except for the light from my computer screen. I glanced to my side and found my three-year-old daughter standing there, who simply said, “I’m hungry.”

My scream woke up our next door neighbor, who called to make sure everything was all right.

One More Light Out For Feminism

, , , | Right | August 30, 2017

A caller had no Internet service. She had a big power outage and her modem wasn’t getting any power. She said she needed Internet ASAP because she was a doctor and needed it for her “practice.”

To determine whether a breaker jumped or if it was our modem that was fried, I asked her to plug in a lamp or anything else to the plug to see if it lights up. Pretty straight forward, I thought. To which she replied, and I quote, “I’m just a woman. I can’t be expected to know how to do this. Just send a tech.”

Seeing as how feminism had just taken it on the chin by one of their own, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from replying, “Okay, I’ll send a big strong man to fix that right up for you. Just have a sandwich waiting for him when he gets there.”

Breaking The Code

, , , , | Working | August 29, 2017

One of the local pizza chains (which I’d been ordering from twice a month or so for years, and the only complaint I had was that they sometimes delivered too fast and I had to oven the pizza for a few minutes) was sending deals via (opt-in) text message, and one of these was insanely good. I don’t remember the details, but it worked out to something like 60% off. I online-ordered ten pizzas for a party.

The pizza arrived, and the driver demanded to know where I got the code, and when I refused to pull out my phone to show him the message (I was trying to juggle ten large pizzas, money, and assorted sides at the time, and the phone was in the other room), he responded with, “That’s what I thought. My manager told me to tell you never to pull that s*** again.”

The food was perfectly fine, but I was filling out the complaint form before the driver reached the main street. Never got a reply back — but when I ordered again a few weeks later, the driver (who I’d never seen before) was visibly terrified, and I found out that this was because, “last time we delivered to this house, three or four people got fired.”

The ‘S’ Is For Stereotype

, , , , , | Working | August 28, 2017

The company that I work for has a Japanese client.

One of the employees for the Japanese company sent us an e-mail and signed her name, which also happens to be a common Japanese word, beginning with the letter ‘S’. Our CEO responded to the e-mail (with a sizable portion of the company CC’d onto it), and tried typing the employee’s name into his iPhone.

Unfortunately, his keyboard auto-corrected the unfamiliar word, and chose the closest recognizable thing.

Thus, half the company, and our Japanese client, received an email ending in, “Thank you, Samurai.”

Corporate Tactics

, , , , | Working | August 28, 2017

The retail chain I worked for was permanently closing. As a result, we slashed our prices significantly, gift cards were disabled, and we no longer honored returns/exchanges.

Understandably, we had MANY customers who were very disgruntled by this quick turn of events. Seeing as we had no means of adequately fielding customer complaints, we passed the buck by giving them the phone number to our corporate headquarters.

We gave out that number to many customers over the weeks, with several other stores following suit. The situation got so bad that Corporate finally decided to address the issue. One day, Corporate sent out an email to every single store manager regarding customer complaints.

So, what was ultimately Corporate’s answer? They wanted the stores to stop giving out their number to customers. My manager held an impromptu staff meeting to tell us this. When I asked him if he wanted me to stop giving the Corporate number to our customers, he said, “Nope, they’re the ones who threw us under the bus, we don’t owe them anything.”

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