A Worldview So Narrow It Looks Like A Chopstick

, , , , | Friendly | December 14, 2018

My university classmate tells me this story. She’s eating in a restaurant at a Chinese airport and has been using a fork instead of chopsticks. Nearby are an older Chinese woman and her adult daughter, who are mocking her in Mandarin about it, talking about how white people are too clumsy to be able to use chopsticks.

My classmate, who has lived in China and had years of Mandarin lessons through her military career, turns to them and says politely in their language that normally she can use chopsticks just fine, but she injured her dominant wrist and can’t manage it right now.

The daughter is embarrassed as h*** and falls over herself apologizing. The mother, however, silently freaks out. She refuses to speak to or even look at my classmate, and seems to be pretending that she doesn’t exist. The daughter apologizes again, saying a white woman speaking Mandarin is too big of a shock for her. She explains that it’s so far out of her worldview that she honestly can’t accept it.

Throughout their conversation, the mother continues to stare into the middle distance and pretend she can’t hear them, rather than confront the mind-shattering idea that people who don’t look like you are capable of learning your language.

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This Lady Is Giving You All The Finger

, , , , , | Right | December 14, 2018

I work in a grocery store. A woman in her fifties got her finger stuck in one of those sanitary wipe containers used to clean the shopping cart handles. She refused to just pull it out because she “didn’t want to cut her finger.” The edges are a bit pointy, seeing that they’re plastic.

We weren’t allowed to cut around her finger, due to liability issues; if we cut her, it would be on us. So, we had to call 911.

Two fire engines, the fire chief, an ambulance, and a cop showed up, all for one lady with a stuck finger.

One fireman made the hole a little bigger and pulled the woman’s finger out. Her finger still got cut.

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This Church Is Grassroots

, , , , , | Related | December 13, 2018

My family lives right down the street from a large church, which we pass on our way to our own church, school, and the store where we shop; basically, we pass it pretty much every day.

When I was in grade school, the church began a large expansion project to add a new wing onto the building. They dug a large hole in the ground next to the building, which I figured was going to be the basement for the new wing. Every day when I passed by the church, either in the car or the school bus, I would look at the hole to see if they had started building the new wing in it yet. Several months went by, and I saw nothing — still just a hole in the ground, even though there seemed to be workers there every day.

One day, while I was riding in the car with my mom, I said to her, “They still haven’t started building that new church yet!” And she responded, “Yes, they have; what do you call that?” She pointed to the side of the church opposite from the hole… where the new wing stood, completely finished.

Yes, that’s right: I had been so distracted looking at the hole every time I passed the church that I had completely missed the new wing going up right before my eyes. It turns out that the hole was actually just a large drainage ditch, which they just happened to be digging at the same time the construction was going on. In hindsight, I should have been clued in by the fact that they had spread grass seed in the hole, but my only thought upon noticing that was, “Why do they want grass in the basement?”

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After A Few Hundred Years, A Guy Can’t Change His Look?

, , , , , | Learning | December 13, 2018

One day during class, it being near Christmas, we are given a picture of Santa Claus to color. Santa is sitting on a chair, relaxing, and eating cookies, while reading a list. Seeing this, I decide that Santa must be off-duty, so I color him orange. After all, Santa must get tired of his uniform, right?

Later that day, I am called to the teacher’s desk with three other students and told we are in trouble. Our crimes? I, of course, colored Santa orange, instead of red. Another student had colored him red, but with green gloves. The last student had colored Santa black.

I don’t remember if she called my parents or not, but all three of us had to sit out recess that day.

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Cents-less Not To Help

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | December 12, 2018

A few months ago, I took my little sister grocery shopping at a place we’d known since our childhood. I was on a tight budget, but I was happy to spend time with her, so we added a few more items than I could really afford. When we got to the register, I realized I was over a few dollars. Removing a few items got me down to where I was only a few cents over budget, and as I paid, I searched for those extra cents that would cover the rest.

Not finding them, I grabbed my card, only to be presented with the receipt and a smile. The cashier had covered it out of her own pocket. Thinking about it now brings a lump to my throat, and thanks to her generous spirit, I recovered my dwindling faith in humanity.

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