Shortly after the lockdown in my area ended, everyone was required to wear masks in public. It was kind of annoying because stores could get fined if a customer didn’t have a mask on. I mean, I understand the reasoning, but it’s not like it’s MY fault that a customer stepped in the door and got missed in the bustle. But whatever.

This guy comes in without a mask, so we ask him — very nicely — to put one on, and he just goes off, screaming about his rights, and blah, blah, blah.

Now, I have allergies and, due to sinus drainage, I get this ridiculous deep-throat cough that literally sounds like I have tuberculosis or something. It strikes without warning, and I cannot control it, usually for a good two or three minutes. It’s bad.

This guy is at the height of his rant when my cough strikes!

My coworkers are actually all used to my cough and typically explain to customers that it’s just from allergies. This time, they all collectively — without discussing it — decide to use this opportunity and take a step back from me.

The guy’s rant fizzles quickly and he slowly backs out of the store, and my coworkers share a laugh. I join them once I’m done coughing!

Years ago, I had a job as a “concierge” at a large shopping centre. Basically, we stood around near exits to see if shoppers needed any assistance taking their things to their cars. Christmas was a particularly busy time, with people having trolleys of food as well as Christmas presents. We wore bright shirts with the centre logo on them, so it was pretty clear we were working there.

One day, I saw a prime target for assistance: a mother with a baby in a portable capsule, meaning the baby was only a few months old at the most, and a trolley packed with groceries, heading toward the carpark.

I approached her and asked if she wanted any help to her car, expecting her to give me the trolley, to which she said, “Sure,” and she HANDED ME HER BABY! I then followed her to the car, carrying her newborn. 

Who gives a newborn to an unknown? I can only guess that I either have a really trustworthy face or it was a case of baby-brain.

This happened about thirty years ago. I worked at an IT Consulting company for about two years. In October, they lost their primary contract with a large state department that kept most of their 100-plus employees working and generating income.

Suddenly, there were a bunch of consultants out of billable work and on the bench, and the company scrambled to find new gigs for us. Some were able to be placed immediately, while they had more trouble finding work for others with more specialized skills, like me. The company kept us on at full salary and offered us training in other skills, which I took advantage of.

Come December, the holiday party season started. We had a nice lavish party on a weekend in a brand-new luxury hotel that had just opened recently. Obviously, the party had been paid for before the contract loss.

There were the usual drinks and dancing and food, and there were prize giveaways via random numbers. The grand prize was an all-expenses-paid weekend at the hotel. I was attending with my girlfriend, and I happened to have the winning ticket for the grand prize. Sweet!

I went up, and the woman from Human Resources giving out the prizes had a sour look on her face. I didn’t think much about it. My girlfriend and I were stoked about this opportunity for a mini stay-cation.

I came in for work the following Monday and was immediately called into the boss’s office. I was thinking they had finally found a new client for me, but no. They were letting me go due to no work. I wasn’t the only one let go that day. It sucked that it was right before the holidays, and I was slated to go back to California over the holidays to see family.

It looked to me like the Human Resources lady wanted to ask for the prize back since I was no longer going to be an employee, but she didn’t have the guts to ask. (I’d have politely declined.) But at least I knew why she had a sour look on her face at the party when I won.

I took the time off for the holidays, and when I got back, I found a new client on my own within a week. My girlfriend and I used the prize as a way of celebrating my new career as an independent IT consultant.

My family is Orthodox Jewish. One of our major fall holidays is called Sukkot, for the huts (in Hebrew, Sukkot) that we spend a lot of our time in during the week-long holiday. One of the optional parts of the holiday is what we call a sukkah hop (sukkah is the singular of sukkot). The kids in the area go on a walk to each sukkah in the neighborhood where they eat snacks, usually cookies or candy, and then go on to the next one.

My brother couldn’t go on the sukkah hop this year for medical reasons, and he was very disappointed to watch most of the kids walk away without him. He was able to join them when they got up to our sukkah, but I could tell he wasn’t very happy about missing out on the rest of it.

I had stayed home out of solidarity, but it was our other siblings who really made his day. My older sister snuck a bunch of costumes into our sukkah, and each of my siblings (besides my brother, who was still unaware) put on a costume. Then, they invited my brother to join them and offered him a treat. They sent my brother back inside, switched around costumes, and called him back, repeating until it was as if he’d been to each sukkah on the route.

He did have to save most of the treats for another time, but he really appreciated what his siblings did for him.

Up until recently, we had a lunch thief in the office. Most of us suspected one person in particular as they never seemed to bring their own lunch and claimed to just eat out, but we couldn’t be sure. They didn’t target the same person, preferring to “shop around” our shared fridge in the breakroom and tamper with people’s bags or Tupperware to see what looked good. My food was never stolen — at least, not until a week ago.

I was at my desk, skimming through my emails as usual, when we heard someone SHRIEK their head off like a banshee. We then saw the suspected food thief sprint from the break room to the restroom, looking like they were about to be sick. (I found out later that she was.)

Naturally, my coworkers and I immediately ran over to the break room to see what had happened. In the middle of the farthest corner table was my Tupperware, a napkin with some chewed-up food… and one of my niece’s toys.

Some background information: my sister, her daughter, and I all live together. My sister is also an entomologist. She always loved “creepy crawlies” growing up and, as a result, her six-year-old daughter grew up with and inherited my sister’s love of insects. I don’t mind bugs — in fact, I was the one who gifted the bag of assorted plastic insects to my niece, which became her favorite thing ever — but they still give me a reasonable start when I see them in places where I don’t expect them.

Now, take a guess whose favorite game it was to, every now and again, sneak a plastic critter into her aunt’s things? Guess who ended up finding a fake spider in her purse when she was rummaging around for her keys? A fake grasshopper in her wallet when she went for a coffee run? A fake centipede in her glasses case?

Guess who decided to up the ante and hide a fake cockroach in the middle of her aunt’s chicken and pesto pasta?

And guess who accidentally got it twirled up into her fork before taking a bite? Hint: it wasn’t me.

The food thief complained to Human Resources about it, and I did get in a bit of trouble since the “prank” caused undue stress and would’ve counted as bullying a coworker. Thankfully, some coworkers were able to vouch for me as some had been present for the grasshopper-in-wallet incident and knew about my niece’s antics. It was also brought up that it was incredibly unlikely that I would willingly stick a fake roach into my own food every day on the off chance that the food thief would pick my food, especially since they hadn’t before.

In the end, since she essentially outed herself, I was given a slap on the wrist and the food thief got the brunt of the punishment and was forced to apologize to everyone she had stolen food from.

I told my sister, and we both explained to my niece that touching others’ food was inappropriate, and although I wasn’t truly bothered by her pranks, other people are more sensitive to it and it could really hurt someone’s feelings.

Thankfully, she’s never pranked anyone else and has promised to not mess with any of our stuff that we would take to work. So, of course, we found a fake potato bug in the fridge this morning, next to the milk. Good times…