I used to work overnights in a middle-of-nowhere convenience store in east Tennessee hill country. People often asked me if I, a woman, was ever worried about being on my own all night. I wasn’t, and this helps to illustrate why.

My significant other (now my wife, but at that time presenting as male) sometimes came to see me during my shift, just to keep me company and pick up a soda or a snack. One night at about 1:30 am, just as my SO arrived, I got hit with one of those inexplicable mini-rushes. Several customers came in, one right after the other. My SO moved to the back of the store to stay out of the way while I was serving them.

The last customer was a middle-aged man, a semi-regular who at least knew me by face if not by name, and vice versa. He was slow during his checkout and frequently looked over his shoulder at my SO, but he didn’t say anything. Finally, he walked out, slowly.

Once he was clear of the door, my SO came back up front, moving quickly out of habit more than anything else. (Some people just don’t move slowly, and my SO is one of them.) Only halfway across the parking lot, my customer stopped, turned around, and started to speed-walk back to the store. He only stopped and actually entered his car to leave when I came around the counter to give my SO a hug.

It was then that I realized what was happening. He was concerned for my safety and thought that this man (as he thought) might be a danger to me, and he was coming back to make sure I was okay!

One thing is true about rural folk: they tend to look out for one another. I never worried about being alone all night, because I knew that my customers (as well as the local sheriff’s deputies) would always look out for me. There’s a lot I don’t miss about that job, but it was always heartwarming to see how much people could care.

I worked at a motorcycle dealership for years, and this man came in multiple times attempting to return a $400 leather jacket with tags that he had purchased four years before. We had a thirty-day return policy.

He kept coming back, always friendly but clearly hoping for a different cashier. But over a one-year period — making the purchase now five years prior — the cashiers would just call me up to tell him the same thing, every time.

He eventually gave up.

We’re running a very awkward promotion where we’ll do your tax prep for half of what a competitor charged you last year if you switch to us this year. So, if you came to us last year, you get no discount. If you went to another tax company last year, and they charged you $300, we’ll charge you $150, regardless of the difficulty of your taxes.

A lot of people took advantage of this. They had very simple taxes last year, but this year a life change made them much more complex… and they get them much cheaper than they should. Honestly? More power to those people.

I see it as my job to make sure that the client pays the minimum possible — to the government or to my company.

This client, though, was a moron. Last year, he went to a tax prep office that was inside a Walmart. This year, he came to us.

The first thing I noticed about his previous year’s return was that someone had slapped a grand total of seven completely blank Schedule Cs onto his taxes, along with a number of other unnecessary returns. According to his receipt, he was originally charged $650.

His taxes were very simple: two W2s, one kid, and some unemployment, for a total charge of $210.

The client demanded the half-off deal. I explained that I could not offer it because he was already being charged less than half of what he’d paid last year.

He made a huge stink about it, so I grabbed a manager. The manager shrugged and keyed in a manual price increase to $325, which the client then happily paid.

Related:
Math Is Your Friend, Part 10
Math Is Your Friend, Part 9
Math Is Your Friend, Part 8
Math Is Your Friend, Part 7
Math Is Your Friend, Part 6

Because they were close to work, I got my lunches at a popular sandwich shop.

They were very popular and often had a long line. They had several workers making sandwiches, but at some point, I learned that one specific worker was the dedicated phone/online order worker. He didn’t do anything but phone or online orders.

So, I started walking into the store, pulling out my phone, and calling in my order, bypassing the line entirely. A lot of the people in the line complained, but the phone guy always told them that they were free to order by phone, as well, if they wanted.

Oddly, very few people took him up on that offer.

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 24
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 23
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 22
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 21
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 20

This is a favorite family story that has often been retold over the years.

My grandma and her sister are invited to lunch with some acquaintances who they’re looking forward to getting to know better. They meet at a dim sum restaurant and are seated at a large round table. 

The meal is served family-style, and the table has one of those Lazy Susan things that spin around in the middle, so each person can take some food from each dish and put it onto their own small personal plate in front of them. 

My grandma and her sister are not super familiar with this type of food or style of sharing, but my grandma is always happy to try new things. Her sister, on the other hand, is a lot more reserved and finds that some of the food is really not to her taste. She puts one particular kind of dumpling into her mouth and is so disgusted that she can’t help but gag and spit it out. But, being a rather proper lady, she somehow manages to do this extremely quietly and discreetly so no one notices (except my grandma next to her). She places the chewed dumpling onto an empty plate and moves it to the side so she can try to forget about it and enjoy the rest of the meal. 

Just then, someone spins the lazy Susan, and my grandma realizes that her sister has not put the chewed dumpling onto her personal plate but back onto a shared platter! Without missing a beat in the conversation, the woman on her other side reaches down with her chopsticks, absent-mindedly grabs the chewed dumpling, and pops it into her mouth! 

My grandma and her sister share a look of horror, but no one else at the table notices anything amiss, so they decide to go along with it and pretend nothing happened. It’s all they can do to stay quiet through the rest of the meal, and as soon as they say goodbye to the others, they absolutely fall apart laughing!

As far as I know, my grandma’s sister was too embarrassed to ever go out with that group again, and, like any true sister, my grandma never let her live it down!