Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try

| Friendly | September 8, 2016

(My friend and I are out in a club. It’s the sort of place where tables are scattered around and people dance everywhere. We are dancing beside of and sitting at a table and a mixed group of young men and women are sharing our table and the one beside us. They are dancing on and off all night just like us. The song ‘Thriller’ comes on and my friend and I as well as the group beside us are all up dancing. We are in the middle of the group.)

Group: *launches into an amazing choreographed routine, and keep it up for the entire chorus*

Friend & Me: *stare in shock and awe while still dancing in the middle of all this*

Group: *collapses into laughter when chorus is over*

Me: “That was awesome! Are you guys professional dancers?”

Guy: “We’re all dancers in the Michael Jackson musical in London. We’re here for a night off.”

(On their night off from dancing they went dancing. It must be so cool to have a job that you love that much!)

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A Couple Of Couple Problems

| Friendly | January 7, 2016

(I am out with four friends, who are two couples, at a club. We decide to take a rest from dancing and find a nice isolated bench in “L” shape with a table in the middle. To let the couples sit together, I sit in the corner, having one on each side. It’s all nice, we chit chat a bit over the loud music, and get a drink until I take a sip to rest my throat a few seconds, I turn left to continue the conversation, but the couple is passionately kissing. I then turn right; No luck. Passionate kissing on this side, too. I decide to return to my drink, leaving them some time. I usually drink slowly, but notice I have finished my glass. I’m growing frustrated to be stuck there in the middle of a make out session, while being obviously ignored. I try to catch one side or the other attention, to remind them they are not alone, unsuccessfully. At this point I tap shoulders to interrupt, so I could at least leave this spot… They give me the “wait-a-minute-finger.” Having had enough, I stop a passing waiter.)

Me: “Sorry, I know it’s going to be a rude/strange request but as you can see I’m trapped in a bad corner.” *pointing to the couples* “They won’t even stop to let me out of here. Do you mind if I step on the seat to pass over and could you bring me a chair to get down, so I can escape?”

Waiter: “Well, as I have noticed them being at it for quite a while now, I guess you have been more than patient to tolerate this. Give me two minutes. I’ll bring help.”

(To my surprise, the waiter does not came back, but it’s the scary security guy who is coming over. He proceeds to get in between each of both couples, and forces them apart.)

Security: “Ok, guys that enough for tonight. Now, let the lady stuck in the middle get away.”

One Of The Girls: *giggles* “But she’s our friend. Why would she want to get away from us?”

Security: *dead serious on a tone that call for no reply* “Mooove! And get a room!”

(They reluctantly let me get out the bench corner. I could not thank the staff enough for their intervention. And no, I never accepted to go out with them after that. I’m not going to hold the candle again for anyone.)

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Fairweather Fighters

| Right | September 18, 2015

(Two intoxicated patrons are trying to start a fight, when the owner of the rock club decides to stop them.)

Owner: “All right, break it up you two! There will be no fights in my club. If you want to fight – there’s the door. Take it outside!”

Patron: “But… It’s raining outside, bro!”

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Thick Skinned

| Romantic | August 14, 2015

(I am a lesbian. And even when I’m with my significant other, men still hit on me, because they seem to think I’m kissing a girl for attention or something along those lines. My girlfriend and I are out dancing and waiting for drinks at the bar.)

Guy: “Did it hurt?”

Me: “What, when I had my d*** removed? Yup, that was h***. I had to stretch my interior several times a day to make sure it doesn’t grow closed again. And my interior is d*** skin. Dude, that s*** hurts.”

(He fled.)

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My Father The Hero

| Related | November 9, 2014

(I’m at a comedy club watching a young lady do her routine. She is starting a new joke.)

Comedienne: “My parents have always been supportive of me. They’re proud of me, right?”

Man In Front Row: *yells* “F*** yeah!”

Comedienne: “F*** yeah! Love you, Dad.”

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