I was babysitting my niece the evening before her sixth birthday while her mom was working and her dad (my brother-in-law) was at his rehearsal. I had just arrived, and my brother-in-law was getting ready to leave, when a package was delivered.

Brother-In-Law: *To my niece* “It’s probably for your birthday. Do you want to open it now or wait for mommy?”

My niece started jumping up and down excitedly.

Niece: “Open it now!”

My brother-in-law opened the package, and the first thing we can see was the packing air pillows that are used to cushion the contents.

Brother-In-Law: “Oh, look! It’s air!”

Niece: “Oh, I always wanted air!”

My aunt was staying with us for a bit so she could attend a funeral. I didn’t know any details about it.

I was doing dishes when I came across a note on the counter with the name of a recently deceased former senator on it. I thought this was rather odd.

Me: “Hey, didn’t [Late Senator] die recently?”

Aunt: “Yes, he was my grandfather.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

There was silence for about a minute.

Me: “Wait, that’s the funeral that you’re here for.”

Aunt: “Yeah.”

Needless to say, it made her laugh. I was thoroughly embarrassed, though.

Because of the large age difference between me and my brother, my niece is significantly older than my own son. While normally having a default babysitter is a blessing, it would be better if she didn’t remember my own behaviour as a young twenty-something and wasn’t egged on by her dad seeking revenge for when I was her babysitter.

When my son was a toddler, he had an intolerance for dairy, and therefore wasn’t allowed ice cream. She got him sherbet.

When my son was struggling with his reading, I said he wasn’t allowed to watch Pokémon until he read at least two books on weekends. She got him the Pokémon novel set.

When there was a heatwave, I said my son wasn’t allowed to play outside because he’d already gotten heatstroke twice. She took him to the ice skate rink.

When I had to take back my promise to take them both to the movies because I was stuck working multiple shifts in a row, she took him to watch the latest Marvel movie without me. (And then they both spoiled the whole thing for me.)

When I tried to block naughty websites, my son worked out how to bypass my nanny filter. She blocked the sites for both of us.

I grounded my son because he wasn’t participating in English class. She showed him how to find the “inappropriate” jokes in Shakespeare’s plays. Now he participates too much.

My son is now nearly an adult. He is considering becoming a lawyer. It’s her fault, I’m sure.

My family is absolutely nuts about ice cream. We will eat it anytime and anywhere — yes, even in winter. 

One year, my family gathered at my parents’ house for the holidays. My younger son wanted ice cream following dinner. I told him if he didn’t stay in the kitchen to eat it, then he must take it to the sunroom. I knew he would pass my brother’s two young sons on the way. As he left the kitchen, I counted down out loud.

Me: “Three, two, one.”  

Nephews: “ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!”

Brother: *To me* “Did you just count down?”

Me: “And you didn’t?”

It is Christmas and my five-year-old niece just learned about baby Jesus. She is the only kid at the table; the rest are tweens or adults. Although my niece is mostly very well-behaved, she doesn’t always feel the need to sit and be quiet when it is required.

Aunt: “[Niece], you need to be good now, just like baby Jesus.”

I mutter very quietly to my dad so the little one doesn’t hear.

Me: “Didn’t he go missing at the age of twelve so that his parents had to look for him?”

Dad almost choked on his food.