(I’m 25 and my niece is 28. We also look younger and older for our age.)

Cashier: “Are you two related? You seem close.”

Me: “She’s my niece.”

Cashier: “You mean you’re her niece?”

Niece: “I’m older, yes, but I’m her niece.”

Me: “Yep, really.”

Cashier: “That doesn’t make sense. No niece is 10 years older than their aunt.”

Me: “Actually, she’s only 3 years older than me.”

Cashier: “Doesn’t make any sense. Aunts are one generation up than nieces.”

Niece: “If you count by ages, my grandma and mom had children in their early 20s…”

Me: “…and my mom, her grandma’s sister, is 15 years younger. My mom was in her late 30s when she had me.”

Cashier: “That’s a mess. What if you are older than your mom?”

Niece: “Huh?”

Me: “How is that even possible?”

Cashier: “I don’t know. It’s a mess, like you two!”

(I am playing with my nieces, aged seven and five. They decide they want to be Disney princesses.)

Seven-Year-Old: “Well, I have black hair, so I’m princess Snow White.”

Five-Year-Old: “I have long blond hair, so I am Rapunzel.”

(I have long red hair.)

Me: “So, am I Ariel from the Little Mermaid?”

(The girls look at each other for a minute, then at me, and then they declare in unison:)

Nieces: “No, you’re Ursula, Auntie.”

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Customer: “Which books would you recommend for a pre-teen girl?”

Me: “Well, that depends; does she like fantasy, horror, science fiction?”

Customer: “Whichever you recommend.”

Me: “I’m partial to fantasy myself.”

(I show her several series that I had read myself and enjoyed.)

Customer: “So, you think she would like these?”

Me: “Well, I loved them a lot.”

Customer: “But do you think SHE will?”

Me: “I honestly couldn’t say, ma’am. You know your niece better than I do; I’ve never met her.”

Customer: *staring blankly at the books* “But do you think she will like them?”

Me: “If she doesn’t, you can give her a gift receipt and she can return the books.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask you about a gift receipt. I asked you if my niece would like the books you recommended.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am incapable of making up your own mind about books for someone I’ve never met.”

Customer: “I see. So, when they hire people for minimum wage, they really get what they pay for.”

Me: *sarcastically* “Corporate doesn’t provide mind manipulation skills as part of the hiring package, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, they should!”

(She complains to a manager and walks out without ever making up her mind about a book for her niece.)

Manager: “Did she seriously ask you to manipulate her thoughts about a book decision?”

Me: “I can’t make up my OWN mind sometimes, much less someone else’s.”

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Customer: “I need to buy something for my twelve-year-old niece. I’d like a classic.”

(I show her the classics.)

Customer: “Oh! The Little Princess! What’s this about?”

(I tell her the story.)

Customer: “Sounds good…” *turns to her daughter* “So, honey, we’re buying this for [Niece], because she’s a spoiled brat, her parents treat her like a princess, and we want her to learn what it’s like to have nothing! Doesn’t that sound good?”

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