(I’m not very good with children, and quite the science nerd. While visiting my sister, I have this interaction with my nephew, who is five years old.)

Nephew: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Nephew: “Why don’t penguins have teeth?”

(I, not wanting to make anything up, decide to give him a very quick overview of evolution.)

Me: “Well, they don’t need them. You see their ancestors came from really little birds who couldn’t—”

(Out of nowhere.)

Sister: “Their teeth fell out when they stopped brushing them!”

(My nephew gets a horrified expression and RUNS to the bathroom, and immediately starts trying to brush his teeth.)

Me: *incredulously* “That was mean.”

Sister: “It’s called being a mom!”

(My sister and I are at my cousin’s house babysitting her young daughters. While my sister is out of the room, the two-year-old grabs a word search book.)

Two-Year-Old: “Can you read this book to me?”

Me: “Um, that’s not a book you actually read.”

Two-Year-Old: “Please?”

Me: “It’s the opposite; you actually try to find hidden words.”

(She looks disappointed, but that doesn’t stop her from opening the book and flipping through the pages. After a few minutes:)

Two-Year-Old: “I like that story a lot. I want to read it again!”

(I organize a big Easter hunt for all my nieces and nephews each year at my parents acreage. I hide a ton of treats and toys for each kid, and they have to follow clues to find them all since they are hidden everywhere across 12 acres. Afterwards, the kids sometimes need to be reminded to thank me. I am sitting in the living room, right next to the kitchen where I hear this conversation:)

Sister: “Did you thank Auntie [My Name] for the Easter hunt and all your treats?”

Three-Year-Old Nephew: “No.”

Sister: “Go tell Auntie thank you for helping the Easter bunny hide everything, please.”

Three-Year-Old Nephew: *runs past me on the couch to the back door (in the living room), opens the door wide and yells* “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” *closes it and runs off to play*

Sister: “You know, some days I wonder about that child…”

(I am babysitting my nephew when this conversation happens:)

Me: “Are you excited for Easter?”

Nephew: “Yeah!”

Me: “What’s your favorite part about it?”

Nephew: “Getting candy from the Easter Bunny. Hey, where do Easter eggs come from?”

Me: “Um… the bunny harvests them.”

Nephew: “Good. I was afraid I was eating candy that came out of his a**!”

(I am babysitting. My little nephew wants what he calls a “yellow biscuit”: a type of cracker made from corn, so it is a light yellow colour.)

Nephew: “Auntie, can I have a yellow biscuit, please?”

Me: *being a bit silly* “Yes, I’ll get one for you. Does Mummy have yellow biscuits in the cupboard or do we need to get the crayons and colour one in?”

Nephew: “We’ve got lots. They’re in that tin.” *very solemnly* “You aren’t allowed to draw on biscuits. It’s a rule!”

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