(I’m babysitting my nephews. We’re sitting at the table coloring on paper. I like to ask them questions, talk about their day, etc. and I decide to bring up the age-old question:)
Me: “So, [Eldest Nephew], what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Eldest Nephew: “I’m going to be a GIANT bird, and I’m going to take over the whole earth!”
(He’s only six and his life goal is world domination. Yikes!)
(My oldest sister and I are visiting our youngest sister for several days. Youngest sister has a family of five and no guest room, so she puts us on a sofa-bed in the living room. One of my nephews wakes up just before dawn and for some reason comes downstairs and tries to crawl in with us. At home I am used to having to defend my part of the bed from two German shepherds, and I evidently boot him out without actually waking up. He isn’t hurt but I get an earful from my sisters in the morning. We are all in the car, running some last minute errands before I leave to return home, when this conversation took place.)
Nephew: “Is Aunt [My Name] going home?”
Youngest Sister: “Yes, honey. She’s leaving right after we go see Grandpa.”
Nephew: “Is Aunt [Oldest Sister] going home?”
Oldest Sister: “No, I get to stay at your house for two more nights. You can come downstairs in the morning and cuddle with me all you want.” *with a significant glance in my direction*
Nephew: “Is Mamma going to sleep on the sofa bed with you?”
Oldest Sister: “No, Mamma is going to sleep upstairs in her own bed.”
Nephew: “Is Daddy going to sleep on the sofa bed with you?”
Youngest Sister: “Not if he knows what’s good for him.”
(I’m playing a competitive multi-player online game on my laptop. My nephew, eight to nine years old, shows up and decides to watch me. He’s at the age where he’s earnestly trying to play well, but doesn’t.)
Nephew: “Can I play?”
Me: “No. This game is too hard for you.” *as in too difficult for someone his age*
Nephew: “Oh. Do you have a soft game?”
Me: “…”
(I’m babysitting my two nephews at my house. The eldest is six and the youngest is four. They have spotted my exercise bike and immediately hop on it to see how fast they can pedal. I sit nearby to keep an eye on them while they get some of their energy out, and overhear the following:)
Eldest Nephew: *viewing the ‘calories burned’ display* “Wow, [Brother]! You sure got a lot of points!”
(My niece is around two years old but has very advanced speech skills. Shopping with her is always an ordeal because she always takes off running. My sister is pregnant and unable to run after her so buys a toddler harness and lead. This time we are shopping together so she leaves the harness off. My niece of course decides to run out of the shop with me chasing after her. I manage to stop her just outside the door and before she gets to the busy street. She struggles to get out of my grip.)
Niece: “Let go of me.”
Me: “I’m not going to let go until you promise not to run away.”
Niece: “I promise I won’t run away.”
Me: “Okay, let’s go back inside now.”
Niece: “No, I don’t want to.”
Me: “Yes, you are, because I said so.”
Niece: “No, I want to stay here.”
Me: “No, you are coming inside.”
Niece: “Well, I think I’ll just chuck a tantrum then.”
(She looks behind her, sees concrete so gently lowers herself to the ground and takes a deep breath. I’m looking on in quiet amusement and just as she’s ready to start screaming I pick her up by the front of her outfit.)
Me: “Not with me, you don’t.” *carries her back into the shop like she’s a suitcase, she’s so stunned*
Sister: “What are you doing?” *after I explain* “Looks like I have to get the harness out.”
(After she puts it on, my niece is standing by her, nice and content. We leave the shop and an elderly lady notices my niece.)
Lady: “Oh, what a cutie, look at your lovely red curly hair.” *notices harness and snarls to my sister* “How dare you treat that poor baby like she’s a dog. You should be ashamed of yourself. Take that disgusting thing off her right now!”
(My sister, usually very quick-witted and easy to anger, opens her mouth to yell back when my niece starts yelling at the lady in an almost demonic voice:)
Niece: “SHE CAN’T, BECAUSE I ALWAYS RUN OFF!” *gives her an evil grin and goes back to standing contentedly by her mother’s side*
(The woman was so shocked that we left her standing in the middle of the path with her mouth hanging open.)
