Editing Out The First Amendment

| Working | March 4, 2015

(I am a graphic artist at a newspaper. A few weeks before my friend’s picture was on the front page because her Wicca group had protested a Christian protest of a local chain video store. It’s a picture of her and two others, one of who is wearing a robe and holding G-rated signs about freedom of speech. Everyone in the office decorates their cubicles with posters, art, and items the paper had published. I print out the picture we ran and put it up on my wall. The next day it is gone. Thinking it must have fallen down and gotten mixed with all the other scrap paper in the art department I print another and the next day it is again missing. I admittedly don’t have the most tolerant coworkers, so I approach the editor.)

Me: “[Editor], someone keeps taking my picture down.”

Editor: “I did that. The picture was offensive.”

Me: “We… ran it on the front page.”

Editor: “It was offending people in the office.”

Me: “Because they are Wiccan?”

Editor: “It… was offending people.”

Me: “I see. So if religious pictures are a no-no I won’t see [Coworker]’s giant portrait of Jesus at her desk?”

Editor: “YOU WERE OFFENDING PEOPLE!”

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Light Bulb Moment

, | Learning | March 11, 2014

(I write for my campus newspaper. We have our own building, but it isn’t in the best condition. One day, a construction worker working next door comes in to use our bathroom. Our editor is there doing some work as well.)

Construction Worker: “You know those lights are broken, right?”

Editor: “What lights?”

Construction Worker: “Those lights.” *points to the ceiling*

Editor: “We have lights up there?”

Construction Worker: “How long have they been out?”

Editor: “I’ve been here for over three years now and I didn’t even know they were there. That’s how long they’ve been out.”

(The lights eventually got fixed.)

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Acting Zodi-Whack

| Working | September 27, 2013

(I am fixing the layout of a page with a coworker.)

Coworker #1: “So, how does this look to you? Should we have those speech bubbles or not?”

Me: “I don’t know. I can’t make any decisions. I am Pisces!”

Coworker #1: “Well who can make them, as I am Pisces too. How about [Coworker #2]?”

Coworker #2: “Oh yes, I am a balanced Libra. Sure you want me to decide it?”

Coworker #3: “How about a lively Gemini?”

Coworker #4: “No, you definitely need a strong Taurus.”

Coworker #5: “What is this fuss?”

Me: “We two are in charge of this page, and both are Pisces. We can’t decide.”

Coworker #5: “Well I’m Pisces too, so can’t help you. Sorry.”

Coworker #1: “That’s alright as long as a bullish Capricorn doesn’t show up.”

Coworker #6: “Well I’m a bullish Aries.”

Me: “One could definitely use a Virgo now.”

Coworker #5: “HOW RIGHT YOU ARE!”

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Right Back Ad Ya

| Working | June 25, 2013

(I sometimes help my coworker design ads for our newspaper. She rarely expresses appreciation for the help and loves to point out any mistakes she thinks I’ve made, no matter how small.)

Coworker: “This ad is wrong.”

Me: “Oh? What’s wrong with it?”

Coworker: “The text looks bad. There’s something wrong with it. I don’t like it.”

Me: “Actually, this ad is one YOU created a month ago. All I did was resize it and grayscale it.”

Coworker: *stares at ad for 10 seconds* “Oh, you know what? Never mind, this looks good!”

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Been There, Printed That

, | Working | June 22, 2013

Telemarketer: “Hello, I’m calling to see if you’d be interested in subscribing to [newspaper].”

Me: “No, sorry, I’m really not.”

Telemarketer: “May I ask why?”

Me: “I work for the newspaper. I read the whole thing before it’s published!”

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