As a printing company technician, I’ve had some good bosses over the years, but of course, I’ve dealt with some real “winners”, too.

I had been working in the Composing Room of a small newspaper for only about a week when my new micromanaging snark-fest of a boss slapped the previous day’s edition down at my workstation and pointed to a typo in an ad I’d set.

Boss: “I’ve been in the printing industry for twenty-eight years, and I’ve never seen anything like that!”

He started to go on when I held up a hand.

Me: “Let me get this straight. You’ve been in printing for twenty-eight years and have never seen a typographical error before? Did you actually perform any work in that time? Did you read any copy at all? In my first job, I was on the clock for about forty minutes before I saw my first typo. How does one escape this?”

He’d been caught being an a***hole and he knew it, and he stormed away.

A client sent in an ad to run in the newspaper. Unfortunately, the ad was not proportioned correctly for the space purchased.

Me: “The ad you sent me is nine inches wide and four inches tall. You’ve indicated that you want it to run five inches wide by ten inches tall.”

Client: “That is correct. Can you just change it?”

Me: “Well, luckily, the layout is easy to manipulate, and you didn’t put any text in it.”

Client: “But I want it laid out like that.”

Me: “I can’t squeeze a nine-by-four ad into a five-by-ten ad without changing something. The proportions are all wrong.”

Client: “But my friend told me Photoshop has a magic wand! Just use that.”

Me: “That tool won’t work for this. I still have to—”

Client: “Look, if you won’t leave the artwork exactly as it is, we’ll take our business to someone who knows how to do their job.”

He then hung up on me.

I work at a newspaper that publishes twice a week — Saturday and Wednesday. I have a customer, who contributes to our paper and has been here many times, come in.

Customer: “Can I have today’s paper?”

I assume he means the most recent paper, Saturday’s, and point it out in our display. He proceeds to tear apart a perfectly good paper rather than read the display copy provided for customers.

Whatever; if he’s going to buy it, he can do whatever he wants.

Me: “Are you looking for a particular article?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the photos from Sunday’s parade.”

Me: “We only put out papers on Saturday and Wednesday, so photos taken on Sunday will be in Wednesday’s paper.”

Customer: “Ah. Okay. Could they have been in Saturday’s paper, then?”

Me: “The event happened on Sunday, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *Pauses* “Then the event happened after Saturday’s paper was published.”

Customer: “Ah, okay. Then can I get Thursday and Friday’s papers?”

Me: “We only publish this newspaper on Saturday and Wednesday. Two days a week only.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Well then, why weren’t the photos in today’s paper?”

This went on for a few minutes until he finally left without paying for the papers he left in shambles.

Right after college, I was working as a reporter at a small-town newspaper. One day, I got a call from a woman who was absolutely furious about something.

Caller: “My daughter has just won a minor scholarship! Why has there not been an announcement of it in the paper?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you can send me the information, I will make sure it appears in the community life section.”

Caller: “Your job is to investigate news stories. You should have discovered this while you were out investigating!”

After finishing a document for a newspaper ad for an alkaline water brand we’re working on, I asked the client to which newspaper I should send the files. This was his response: 

Client: “What? The f*** if I know! Just send it already; we’re running late.”

Me: “I need to know where I’m supposed to send this. I don’t know which newspaper you hired to advertise your product.”

Client: “I told you already! Don’t start with this crap now. Just send the same email to every d*** newspaper in town; the one we hired will know.”

He then took off, telling us to get some drinks with him at a rave party on the weekend.